Okay, I am angry now ... the managed to restore a part of my page! With SCC-file (edit: ooooops! CSS, of course!) and all! But they wrote that they are working for a new page that will appear in the end of September. Anyway ... I hope they don't use my css! I know that I won't be able to tell them that they are not allowed to do so, but I'd like to!
Anyway, they could have make an own design for this temporal page! And if it was only white, so what?? But to use my design without asking me is not okay - at least I think so!
They are *put in some terrible words in here*!
My 4 guinea pigs make me happy every day. I stand up in the morning, go into the bathroom and after that in their room - before I even open the door they are already calling out for me - or better: For food.
When I open the door they start to sit up and beg - against the cage-fence (I'll be so happy when we finish our biiiiig guinea cage with glass), pushing each other away, squeaking so loud that I wonder how my partner can sleep. Even our smallest, now 7 1/2 weeks old, starts to do it and shows her sweet little belly. I call it "The Belly-Parade"
Then I take the bag with the hay and this sound makes them go crazy. They start dashing through the cage, sometimes clashing to each other, bouncing like silly (in German it's called poppcorning) and squeaking even louder. It is so wonderful to watch. And when it start to trickle the hay down on them they jump more and more ... you really could think they don't get any hay for years - in fact they get it 3 times a day, sometimes more often when they eat it fast.
In the end there is a big mountain of hay in the cage and - it's moving! Because Maus - the little one - crawl ito the hay and starts going here and there while eating it ... after 5 minutes there is no mountain left, it's all bulldozed down by the 4 pigs.
I always loved my pets but I never thought that guinea pigs would be that great
I always loved my bed - sometimes I start to giggle when I go to bed because I'm just so happy about my bed. Then I think "Everybody should have such a bed".
A week ago I decided that it was time for a bed-change. Since my Sweetheart and I moved together we had a self-made bed because he had his mattress and I had mine, his was to hard for me (but we both could fit in it if we have to) and mine was too small for us both and too soft for him. So each of us kept the own mattress and we built a base where they both fit. So we had a really huge bed - but it was not what we wanted. We have been dreaming about a waterbed since we knew each other and last Friday we finally bought one.
And now I even love my bed more than before! It is wonderful even if the fine-tuning is not perfect yet - I'm still thinking that the wateramount is not perfect but I don't know if I need more or less water. We can change the slow-down (or how it might be called in English) ourselfes when we want and I guess I want it with less slow-down.
It is so nice to lie down in this wonderful bed, nothing aches and it is warm ... the only thing I don't like is the venyl-scent but it will go away, I think. And you can counteract it by applying BPAL before goinig to sleep. Unfortunately I forget that very often and then I am too tired to go and get some - I should place an imp beside the bed ... good idea.
Most of the time at work I think about my bed ... and how wonderful it would be to go to slepp right now. Well, it is nice if you are happy about your bed every day - but it makes it very hard to leave it in the morning.
I'm still thhinking about what fish to put in our little aquarium ... it is only 54l big so there is not a lot of choice. I'd love to have Guppys - but someone who is living together with me thinks that they are tacky.
The tank is already a few years old an there is only one fish left in it ... a Characiformes ... don't find the proper English name for it. And as nice they have been - they are colourless. Now I want something bright ... like Guppys or a Betta.
I think I have to reconsider how is in charge for the tabk. Till now it was my partners job because it was his tank. Well, hie care may be the reason why there is only one fish left. I mean, the other were several years old, but I geuess that's not why they are dead by now. So perhaps I should care for it - then all the pet would be in my hands. The guinea pigs, the ants and the fishes ... well ... yes, I guess that would be best.
If I only had time, I would start cleaning up the tank today ...
So I was in the choir yesterday and it was okay. I behaved as if everything would be fine and I guess that's what bothered one Lady, lets call her Tad. She was once the "leader" of our choir. I never liked her, she wants to be in the spot light all the time. We are approx. 100 singers and she was the conductor. She always made such a show herself as if she didn't want the audience to listen to us but to look at her. Anyway, she was sitting next to me, one empty chair between us because she is in a different pitch of voice than I am.
After our warmup someone must have told her that I erased the old homepage - I heared "What?? And now we have none? So close to our big concert?" - and than she went one row back and stayed there for the rest of the rehersal ... guess it was a sign for her disapproval. I have to say: I enjoyed it. And their fault - should have waited till the concert is over and kick me out then
And nothing more happened ... I hope it stays that way - if they announce that somebody new is in charge for the homepage by now they should not mention the reason for the change - if they do and it is not the truth I'll have to stand up and say how it really was and I don't want to do that. I'm terribly afraid of speaking to so many people. But I'll do it if I have to!
But I am proud that I went there and that I smiled and behaved as if it would not bother me how they treated me. Guess that makes people like Tad really angry ...
After my holidays I had an unsettling time.
For one we bought a new guinea pig becauce one of the others died before my holidays. It was the first guinea pig of mine that died and it was a shock ... well ... anyway, the new one - Maus (=mice) - is wonderful but had mite. Had to go to the vet with her. After that I got ill - so my partner. Not so nice, especially if you have a baby pig that you want to cuddle and your not allowed because it could be infected. And because it is a summer-flu it takes really long to go away.
My partner had problems at work rightaway after the holidays, so he es trying to stay calm there and search a new job. Right now it seems that he has got the possibility to get a really nice job!
At my department at work we had to say goodbye to a really nice secretary and after 2 weeks of a vacant office we got a new one. She seems nice, is - I guess 55 years old - and I think I like her - but she will mean lots of works for me ... I mean, yesterday she came in to sak me how to write an email ... öhm ... you know, where to click, what to do.
And then the final decision: Enough with our selfmade bed - it was good but now it is time that we buy what we always wanted: A waterbed. So since Sunday we are sleeping in a waterbed. The wateramount is not quite perfect, but I guess thats only a question of time.
And now the choir-thing - I am somehow tired. Well and of course I want to go home only to sleep in the new bed. It is sooooo wonderful!
I copy again from the "How are you feeling"-thread ... I really should stop that.
I was in charge for the homepage of my choir ... I waited for 2 years for new information to put on the page, asked several times different people to give me something because I was not in charge for the content, they told me they would provide me with everything.
Well, then I had holidays and received a mail with content. But of course I would not update the page while I am abroad and in holydays! I came back and I took approx. a week when I got ill. Almost 2 weeks went by till I was better again. In this time I got 4 other mails with content. And on Monday I got a call "do you still want to do that, we need the update now" - so I told them I would do it till Wed. I managed to finish the update yesterday morning - and in the afternoon they called and told me that they are not willing to let me do it anymore (have to say that I never wanted to do it ... they begged me and in the end I was okay with it).
Well ... because the main work was the design, I felt really ... silly. They let me do the work an the nice copy and paste stuff would be okay for them - of course if they update the page, they would put their name under the page. So I erased the page to "protect" my design. That may be childish, but I think it is the right way to do it ...
Only point: It keeps bugging me. I hate stuff like this. And today is choir again and I guess I'll have a hard time ... and I am sensitive, I'm afraid they say something and I start to cry in front of all these people ... I'd love to stay at home but I guess that would make it worst, wouldn't it?
Well ... somehow I'm stuck.
I had my job interview and it was bad - so I assumed the "Sorry, you don't get the job" letter to arrive within 3 days. I did not. Now is has been 7 working days since the interviews stopped and still nothing.
It kills my motivation. If I knew that I won't get the job, I'd try to please my boss here to make sure I get a new contract. If I knew that I leave soon, I'd try to finish as much tasks as possible, because otherwise I think I'd have to come after my regular working time to help them out.
But since it could be that I get the other job (WHY am I still thinking that this is a possibility??) I just hang around, pretend to be working, waiting for my boss to come and to show him "here, that's what I've accomplished so far" - he will think that I did well - I told him before how long it would take to do what he asked for (and it is true, it takes a lot of time ... well but not THAT much).
It is silly - both cases would imply that I should work harder ... so I just could start with that. But NO. I don't.
So, there is no forwards and no backwards right now ... I just stand here, jump back and forth to some favorite sites in the net and I wait.
Hope the letter comes soon. Or that I decide to call them.
I feel so confused right now ... don't know what I want and what would be best for me. I can simply hope that God will guide me and that the way he chosed is the "best" (meaning please easy and comfortable) one. I myself don't want to make this choice - even if I don't know all the facts. Doesn't make it easier.
And I hope so much that my BPAL order arrives today. Could need a cheerup ... CnS was on the second of march ... could work ...
In this moment I'm so overwhelmed with my feelings. I'm at work but - as always - listening to music. Instead of listening to the web-radio I listen to a CD I found in my drawer ... Yö - "rakkaus on lumivalkoinen" and I'm so homesick. The music (especially the voice of Olli Lindhom) reminds me of something. Of course of Finland. But there is something else and I can's figure out what it is. It is bitter sweet. It makes me want to weep without feeling bad - just ... is it melancholy? I don't know. It's just a beautiful moment and my heart is full of feelings, pictures and memories of my family there in the land of 1000 lakes and the wish to be there too.
Today really doesn't seem to be my day ...
It started with my alarm-clock. I did not hear it because I had an earplug in my ear because my loved one was snoring again. I woke up 11 minutes too late. The radio on the alarm-clock is pretty loud, but not loud enough to wake up my partner.
While eating my toast I realized that tomorrow is my grandpas birthday. Of course I forgot to send a card - so I tinkered one (good that I have all the stuff for it at home). But the card will be late - my grandpa lives in another country - as almost all my realtives.
At work I realized that I have brought new cheese and chocolate - but the bread is still at home.
Then I wanted to get something to drink - went to the fridge and how nice! All iced. Thanks ...
Well on the other hand: It can only get better ... I hope!
Yesterday I wanted to check my mails at gmx (if somebody knows gmx) and there was a newsflash about Kate Middleton, the girlfriend of prince William.
The picture of her was ... well ... terrible. But of course I was curious ...
First glance made me think "No, not a nice person!"
So I asked google and found other pictures of her an the following article:
I was reading it and well ... after a while I realized: Okay, she is pretty - the sort of pretty you can find in every town - but pretty! And on these photos she seems likable.
And then I got it: I'm simply jealous of her! It is that easy. Not that I would like her husband in law or the prospect of been followed by paparazzi everywhere I go, but all the other stuff. How much money she can spend on whatever ... I have to count every cent I'm spending right now! It was sort of luxury that I bought myself a new book!
I almost never go to a hairdresser and manicure is something I don't even know. Besides: Color on my nails won't last it when I'm cooking, washing, cleaning etc. It is something special for me to buy any new piece of cloth ... yes, I am jealous.
She'll have a though life ... being in the interesst of an hole nation - and even more than that (I mean, I'm already interested, right? And I'm not British), being followed by paparazzi, always have to follow certain rules and to look pretty (guess she is not allowed to have such an inflammation as I have - and if she does, she should not be seen by anyone). But on the other hand she will never have to think "Can I really buy myself a new bra? Do I have the money?". One of my dreams is to go to New York once. I am obsessed with this city, specially with the chrysler building, I guess she can simply say "William, lets go there, please!" Okay, then there is the difference: I can go everywhere and no one will recognize me, I can walk through the streets, taking insanly many pictures and enjoy being there while she will have to masquerade herself and be followed by bodyguards. Hm, not what I want.
So the conclusion: Somehow I'm still the little girl that watched the Diana and Charles Movie a hundered times (I'd like to watch it again ... it was all positive and nice, even if we know now that that was not all true) and dreamt to be a princess herself. To wear beautiful clothes and to have enough money to buy all BPALs I want to (and a new bra ) To have a life that seems to be magical ... becoming a princess.
The prince would have to be my own sweetheart ... I'd never want to lose him. And I want to keep my family. And his one, too.
But yes: I want to read more about them ... want to share the dream of being a normal girl and becoming a princess.
Thank you carwoman and filigree_shadow!
I have already seen 2 dermatologists - the first gave me cortisone creme and told me to wait about 3 weeks. After 1 week I switched to another creme (but also with cortisone) and it seemed to become better. On Christmas it got worst again an I decided to see another dermatologist after New Year.
I was there last week and he almost screemed "no, no cortisone!". From his point of view it is an sebaceous gland (is that right? I looked it up in an dictionary) inflammation. Worst you can do is apply cortisone - it will grew from that - yes, I realized that! So now I have an antibiotic creme with almost no fat in it. After 2 days of appling it, it got raspberry-red again and so I called him and asked if that was normal. Unfortunatly it is.
But today its smaller again ... still red but with some normal areas in between ...
You should have seen my boss yesterday ... he behaves really humiliating! Watches it all the time while he is talking to me - again with those repelled looks - he really turns always so that he can see it better while he is trying not to come too close - perhaps he thinks it is contaminous (it isn't!).
I've never been very selfconfident about my looks - but now I really want to hide myself.
For about 6 weeks I have an inflammation right beside my eye. Sometimes its so pale that you almost won't recognize it - and sometimes - like now - it's 4cm in diameter, cherry-red, hurts and is the first thing you see when you look into my face.
Well, and the doctors says that it will last at least another 6 weeks. I hate it. I think I should remain at home. Even scents which let me feel sexy (like Hymn) won't help - I just feel ugly (well I know I am) and I hate it how people look at me. For example my boss - everytime he's next to me he stares at it, asks questions and has an repelled expression on his face.
My sweetheart says no longer "no you don't look ugly" - by now he says "I don't care as long as you are mine" - that's sweet - but sometimes I wish he'd lie again and tell me "no no, thats not that bad, don't think about it".
*sighs*
If it only would go away again ... well ... now, not in 6 weeks. And please: Never come back again!!
