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BPAL Madness!
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From the fire, something new will rise

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Your going to be fine one day

my emotions are hard to make sense of. I'm hurt but wanting to heal and forgive and just alot of things. I want to be happy. And I keep listening to this song over and over. So I'm posting the lyrics. It is a song by KT Tunstall.   It isn't very difficult to see why You are the way you are Doesn't take a genius to realise That sometimes life is hard It's gonna take time But you'll just have to wait You're gonna be fine But in the meantime   Come over here lady Let me wipe your tears away Come a little nearer baby Coz you'll heal over Heal over Heal over someday   And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself That these feelings are in the past You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf Because pain's built to last Everybody sails alone But we can travel side by side Even if you fail You know that no one really minds Come over here lady   Don't hold on but don't let go I know it's so hard You've got to try to trust yourself I know it's so hard, so hard   Come over here lady Let me wipe your tears away Come a little nearer baby Coz you'll heal over, heal over, heal over someday
RogueFeenix

RogueFeenix

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whine about me health

I have a lot on my mind.   School should be my main focus but it isn't, my health is. Some days I feel fine, others I feel like my body is falling apart.       I have always had joint pain, but when I was heavy it got to the point that I was in pain every night. Losing weight helped a lot but it is still there. I also had bad headaches. I thought I had found the trigger. Gluten, more to the point Celiac Disease, I can't eat wheat, and a huge host of other things.   I did not get a blood test to confirm it, no cameras down my throat to see how damaged my intestines are. Although sometimes I would like the solid confirmation. I just stopped eatting it and it helped alot. I noticed that I didn't get sick from eating dairy anymore like I would before. I didn't have weird stomach aches in the middle of the night, no massive gas, and the joint pain went WAY down.   Lately thought the joint pain has come back like before. Either I have been eating something with gluten in it, ( which I can tell you I haven't) or I have a secondary problem. Either way it sucks. I don't want to feel like an old lady when I'm only 26.     I went on Antidepressants awhile ago, I had my meds switched because of a number of reasons the biggest one being I was having some bad bruising. I had up to 13 at one point, about half black and blue. All of them went away when I switched meds.   I'm on zoloft now, and had noticed I had about 4 tiny but dark bruises. I didn't really think anything of it. Till today I noticed a huge dark one on my thigh and 3 on my arm. That's 8 in less than a week. It worries me, plus I have noticed that it takes me forever to stop bleeding if I cut myself. I do NOT want to have to switch meds again. I can't, it was bad enough the first time. The 2 or so weeks to took for my body to adjust (coming off the old stuff to the new) I reverted to the sobbing, angry, depressed OCD mess I was before I got help.   I looked up the side effects of Zoloft on 4 different sites and none of them list major bruising or thin blood as one. I don't know if this is something else, a rare side effect of the meds (like before) or somehow linked to the celiac.     I just want to feel healthy, not like crap. I want to not have pounding headaches, major bruising and pain. I know I'm luckier than a lot of people, mine isn't day in and day out. I just wish I felt better. Most of the time I'm ok with everything, I can deal but today and the past few days I just have had enough.
RogueFeenix

RogueFeenix

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Update and mushy love stuff.

Well I guess I'll update this thing.   The main reason I wanted to write something , is that I wanted to post in the cute love thread but didn't know what I wanted to say and didn't want to ramble since I tend to do that alot.   Allen and I are together and we are so happy. Last night I went over to my parents house ( they are out of town, I'm water plants and getting mail for them). While he was at work, I cooked up some treats for him, and did laundry. He came over after work ( about 4am) and we laid on a blanket and watched the stars.   We talked and held hands, and cuddled. I had never seen a shooting star before. First one I saw, I made a wish on it. He tried to guessed what it was but he was wrong.   We laughed, we talked about stars, and a few other things. After a good bit and many falling stars ( I saw a bunch) he started to get eaten by bugs so we went in. We decided to stay in the big guest bed, it's and king and why the heck not.   He showered and I got the bed all ready, we snuggled in this big fluffy bed while watching tv ( don't have a tv in the bedroom). The whole night I had HUGE grin on my face.   I fell asleep snuggled on him, when he finally went to sleep he cuddle on my back like he normally does. In the morning we cuddled in bed a bit before he had to run off to a Dr's appointment.   It was such a simple night but it was so amazing. He sleeps at my apartment all the time, we spend tons of time together, but something about last night was special. I can't put my finger on it.   Sometimes I look over at him and just smile from ear to ear, I do it when he isn't looking and just watch him.   When he wraps his arms around me it feels like home, when he smiles, it lifts me up, it makes me smile and I think how lucky I am to love him, and that he loves me too.
RogueFeenix

RogueFeenix

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Switch Witch Ideas and notes.

I saw someone made a list of things that their switch witch might want to know about them. I thought it was a good idea so here I am.   I have blue eyes, and love makeup. I'm not that adventurous with it day to day but I love to play with new colors and lip glosses.   I have only recently started to get into bath things. Bubble baths, fizzes and such. I LOVE the moxie fizzyBOOMS. I wish I had an endless supply of them, actually I love all the ones I have tired.   I have not really tired anything from LUSH. My sister bought a bunch of stuff from them and I used one of her fizzes, it was wonderful. I have been meaning to make a order but haven't as of yet.   I am into tea, and Love SBS teas. All kinds of tea, I'll try anything once. I love honey in my tea also. Flavored honey is the best.   I love books, I have tons and always looking for more.   I love music and mix CD's. So a mix CD of music you love would be awesome.   I LOVE art and pictures, photography is a hobby on mine.   I am a proud aunt and with the above photography hobby I need picture frames. I never have enough.   I love baking, it's kind of a hobby/passion, cooking is good too, but I'm not as good at that.   I am pretty easy, I love crafty things, things made my hand. I'm sure I'll like anything I get, Just getting mail is the best. Anything that isn't bills :-)     I'll add more as I think of it. I hope that helped whoever has my name. :-)
RogueFeenix

RogueFeenix

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Heal Over

The other post was just to exposing. Those that read it Thank you for the support. It means so much. It helps.   I keep thinking of a song called Heal Over by KT Tunstall. If you get a chance to hear it, it's beautiful. maybe I'll post the lyrics later or some other time.   Some quotes: "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:If there is any reaction, both are transformed. Carl Jung   "If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down." Mary Pickford   "Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." James A. Baldwin   "Pretend, Pretend until one day you aren't pretending anymore and you'll see you can survive, that you had what you needed all along" Unknown   "I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve?.....I think I'm in the wrong building." Charles Schulz
RogueFeenix

RogueFeenix

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Domestic Goddess.

I'm tired. so only going to make a note of this.   Today and tonight was amazing! I had so much fun, got to go out shopping with my sister without the girls. I bought a beautiful dress that I think looks amazing on me. It has polka dots! :-)   Had a good dinner, and spent time with someone I care who cares about about me. We watched Lady in the water an amazing movie it was prefect.   Oh I also baked my dad's cake and it turned out perfect. I love baking, it makes me feel good, it's my thing. I'm good at it too. I can cook ok, but I LOVE to bake. And it has to be from scratch, anything else is cheating. LoL   ok going to bed I'm beat. Still sick too, so this insomina thing really needs to go so I can get well faster.
RogueFeenix

RogueFeenix

3
 

birthdays and being sick.

I think my niece's got me sick. They have been sick for 2 days.   It seems like I keep getting sick. I know stress lowers your immune system and I have been stressed so it makes sense, but damn it I hate feeling like crap.   I woke up this morning with a sore throat and it never really went away. I'm stopped up some..thankfully that hasn't gotten any worse. And my head is doing the floating balloon thing when your sinuses get stopped up.   Other than that things are doing good. Spending time with family and friends is good.   And I'm so glad it's the weekend. We are celebrating my dad's birthday Saturday and I'm making the birthday cake. German chocolate cake from scratch. First time I have made it for my family. Hope my dad likes it.
RogueFeenix

RogueFeenix

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