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BPAL Madness!
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About this blog

random stuff, straight from my insane mind...

Entries in this blog

 

on the outside looking in

I wish I had the type of personality, that I could walk into a social situation where I know very few people, and feel comfortable. That I could start, or fit into, a conversation with a stranger. One that may last past the very superficial pleasantries, before that person tries to gracefully bow out of having to talk to me. I wish I didn't feel like a wallflower, just watching the interactions going on around me. I hate the fact that I avoid a lot of fun, because I haven't been able to invite/beg/coerce a friend to come along with me, and I do not want to go alone, and face the angst I've mentioned previously. I'm smart, friendly, at times funny, and on rare occasions, at least passably attractive....I would want to talk with me!   I went to a local bar yesterday for a benefit for the library's summer reading program. 4 bands.... should have been fun. A coworker met me there. But thing is.. she was the only one there I knew, and she had all sorts of friends and acquaintences she knew. I had no one. I tried talking with some of her friends..... but although they were nice, the conversation would be over in about 2 minutes, and then I was once again blended into the wall. I hate that feeling... that I don't know what to say, or that I'm not cool/interesting/even hot enough to talk to. I left early.
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

4
 

I don't wanna go!

I'm waiting on my husband to get home, then the three of us, husband, daughter and I are off on a 3 hour drive to lovely Detroit. I don't wanna go.   A little background... my daughter was born with a rare metabolic disorder called Maple Syrup Urine Disease. It was diagnosed through newborn screening. From when she was a week old to about a year ago, her specialized care was through a clinic at U of Michigan. She had the same neurologist, same dietitians, for 7 years of her life, and they literally saved her life more than once. I totally trusted and liked them, and we had a very good relationship.   In comes the mighty state of Michigan... because of money, and basic governmental bullshit, they decided to change EVERYTHING. They decide that all patients who are seen for diseases caught by newborn screening have to go to a clinic at Detroit Children's Hospital. All new doctors, staff, everything. And they haven't been treating MSUD patients as long as the previous doctor.   Could we still go to the doctors at U of M? Sure... but the state wouldn't provide the medical formula that my daughter needs to live if we do. And that would be 1/5th of our income!   So...I'm begrudingly making the trek down to a hospital I've never visited, to see doctors I don't know, and somehow trust them to know what's best for my daughter.
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

3
 

sex dreams can be sad sometimes...

I had a dream last night that has me a little depressed today. In my dream, I was making out with Brad, my crush. The guy I've had a crush on for almost a year and a half. And it was one of those dreams that seem so real. You can feel everything as if it was actually happening. When I woke up, I was exhilierated - as if I had actually been kissing him. But then I felt sad, because it was just a dream, and I know in reality he will probably never want me like that, and I'll never get a chance to kiss him like in that dream.
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

4
 

I won something! And an added bonus!

I won a radio contest tonight!! I had to be the 5th caller (usually, I never get through) and know what #4 and #7 were on the countdown. And I did it! I won this cd: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000ETRCG...5Fencoding=UTF8 and a Headbangers Ball poster, and pizza and Crazy Bread from Little Caesar's!   Only a minute or two after they played back me answer the questions, my cell phone rings... it's Brad, my big crush! He heard it and wanted to congratulate me! It's the first time he's ever called for something that didn't have to do with work.   But then, the call waiting started beeping.. it was the dj calling back to get my info, and I had to hang up with Brad.   I'm still giddy, though!
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

3
 

warm fuzzy kitty cat love

It is so beautiful outside tonight that I took my daughter to play at the school playground 3 houses away from our house. Echo, our cat, who is indoor/outdoor, followed us there. He was so cute, prancing along next to us. I sat on the bench while she played on the monkey bars, and he just wandered around, never venturing very far away. She then wanted to go to the other side of the school, where there is another playground. Echo stayed behind, meowing plaintively, but I know he knows the way home, so I wasn't concerned. She played for about 15 minutes, then we came back to the first side..... guess who was still there. And of course came prancing right up. He sat on the bench with me for another 15 minutes, as I watched my daughter play, then followed us back home. He just seemed so uncatlike, almost as if we had brought a *gasp* dog along! He is now inside, next to my desk, completely stretched out and fast asleep.
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

1
 

being second guessed

This is a hypothetical question, of course... but why does my husband have to second guess everything I do lately in regards to our daughter??? The doctor I take her to isn't good enough in his mind. Nevermind he's the only doctor I completely trust him, and really like him, and see him for my own health care. And he goes to a PA who's answer to everything is to take an antibiotic, and that's ok?? Nevermind I'm the one who always takes her to the doctor. And he now seems to doubt I know best in everything that pertains to her MSUD. Who's the one who knows how to mix her formula, how much protein she can tolerate, who does her blood sticks, etc, etc, etc.? If I were to die tomorrow, he would be completely lost.   It's not being second guessed that I hate so much, it's just being second guessed by someone who has no knowledge on the subject, yet still assumes his way is the best way??   ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

2
 

lots of stuff

Today was such a nice day... it's 8:30 p.m. and it's still 68 degrees outside! At work today, I actually got to spend most of my shift outside. The restaurant I work at is having "half price coney" day, which means lots and lots of customers, so the manager has been on a huge cleaning spree. I got to rake the picnic area outside, and it was so nice to be outside!   I did get annoyed with myself today... I had to listen to my crush and another coworker talk all about a third girl who my crush has a crush on. I felt myself getting jealous, which is totally unjustified. He's not mine... why should I feel jealous he likes another girl? Yet I did/do.   But, I'm stressed about tomorrow, too. Well not stressed, just not looking forward to it. We're going to be slammed, and my general manager will be a pain in the ass.     I do have a fun evening to look forward to, though! I'm going to see Slave to the System. It's been so long since I've been to a live show, I can't wait!!!   And I'm excited, I just ordered my first t-shirt from the Trading Post, the beautiful new Dragon Moon tee!!
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

0
 

"You smell like pot...."

I love the observations I get from others when I wear BPAL. Sometimes they are right on with what the intended feeling the scent is supposed to provoke, and other times... not so much.   Today I wore Thanatopsis to work. One of my coworkers, who I adore, as soon as I was smelling distance from her, she said, "you smell like pot". Not in a "ewwww!" kinda way, but in a "hey... got some to share?" kinda way. LOL Now, I've smelled pot burning, and it's no where close. So a bit later, so mentioned it again, so I got asked for other coworkers opinions. Hey, any excuse to thrust my wrist under the nose of an attractive male coworker!! He said "vanilla?" Not sure where he got that from. Another female declared "incensy". So we figured out that the first girl was associating it with the incense she burns to hide the smell of the pot!   Kelly, the same coworker, has observed that Roadhouse smells "like sex"... like parking down a country road. And Lust smells sexy, she's complimented me many times n that one.
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

0
 

wrongfully imprisoned

I had a strange dream last night... in the dream, I was in jail. I don't know what it was that I had been arrested for, but I knew that it was something I didn't do. It was a small jail... think Mayberry, but not as folksy. No one there, the officers or guards, would listen to me. I kept telling them, I needed to get home to my daughter, that there was no one to take care of her, she's on a special diet, and someone would end up giving her the wrong kind of food. It was very frustrating, and I never did get out before I woke up.   I think that this was brought on by my reading about the West Memphis Three quite a bit lately. If you're not familiar with their case, please... go check it out.
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

0
 

update purchase!

Yes, I'm becoming more and more addicted to BPAL.. this is the second update/limited edition purchase I've made. A couple weeks ago, it was the panty monster. Today, I purchased Midway and Medicine Show. I can't wait to get all of these wonderful smellies!! And I need to get sellin' on Ebay, because the balance on my Paypal account is dwindling!
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

0
 

I wish that I was Jesse's Girl....

Once in a while, something comes along that reminds me of the 80's dork I once was. Something gets past the Metallica obsession I've cultivated, and reminds me of my roots in 80's rock and pop. Of when I wallpapered my room with pictures of the heartthrobs in Tiger Beat and Bop magazines. One such man is:     I've had a crush on Rick Springfield since I was 12. I was lucky enough to meet him in 2000, I felt like I was that 12 year old again - I couldn't talk! By the way, he smelled like the bubblegum he was chewing, and when he posed for a picture with me he rested his cheek on my head... not that I'm obsessive or anything.   Now I've discovered that he's coming back to the casino here in town for a concert in July! I bribed a friend to go with me last time, and I don't think I can get her to do it again... so I'll have to find another victim.. I mean, concert buddy.
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

0
 

a bit bolder... and I was wearing "Lust"!

This afternoon, because it's sooo beautiful outside, my daughter and I went to the park to take silly pictures. On the way home, she asks if we can stop by the gas station we're passing to get something to drink. But, what's this? The party store that Brad has a second job at? Hmm... let's stop there! And since I had the camera with me... I made a joke about taking his picture, he laughed and posed, and voila! I don't plan on making it into poster size, or using it to make a shrine to him or anything... but it's nice to have that file hidden away on my computer now, nonetheless.   Hmmm... wonder if the Lust empowered me? LOL
littletingoddess

littletingoddess

0
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