I've been a member of BPAL.org for a year now! Wow.
I mean absolutely no offense to anybody with this post, especially not Krissy, but I don't get the kritters. I appreciate that other people like them and want them, but it doesn't resonate with me, I guess? They just sort of puzzle me. And, again, this is not meant to harm anyone's feelings or anything, but the price seems a little high. I don't know. I'm in a shitty mood, so please keep that in mind. I am sure they are adorable and they obviously have a fanbase, but... I dunno. I don't get it.
Here's another thing! Anybody here know of Melody? She writes books about gems and shit- I don't know her last name, don't really care. She's very new agey and has really long, white hair. Anyway. This woman I used to be friends with (V) hooked up with a doctor shortly after her husband died (he was admittedly an asshole, though, but still) and the doctor is old friends with Melody, so V used to go on and on about her and how she named gems after the doctor. Eventually V and the Dr. wanted to get "married", but she wouldn't get her dead husband's pension if she did, or something, so they had a commitment ceremony instead. (This is going somewhere, seriously.) Well, I went over to this ceremony at the doctor's house (oddly enough, they still weren't living together, and didn't for the first few months...) and met all these people and briefly spoke with Melody. Then V gets all excited and is like, "She's going to perform this special blessing on us!" And Melody turns to me, and I shit you not, says, "This bottle," she holds up this tiny blue bottle, "has water from the Ark of the Covenant in it." And I'm so taken aback that all I can say is, "Really." Pause. "Huh." And her eyes are shining all mystical like, and V's just thrilled to death, and I'm sitting there going, "Did I miss something?"
Water. Ark of the Covenant. And she was dead serious.
I've always wanted to introduce my husband to her by saying, "Oh! This is V- you remember me talking about her, right? She got married with the water from the Ark of the Covenant?" Hee.
I don't like having rare scents. I thought I did, but it feels like there's too much responsibility involved, especially when they're scents I don't -love-. I'm over-anxious about swapping those scents, because I'd be really sad if they got stolen or lost in the mail. I'd be over the moon for a bottle of, say, Storyville, but that's because I can't imagine I'd ever want to get rid of it.
I held onto the Monster Bait scents for WAY too long, because none of them really worked for me, but I didn't want to regret getting rid of them. I swapped (or maybe sold?) Red Lantern and Smut way, way too quickly. I can't remember what I swapped them for- I think I may've gotten Lotus Moon out of Red Lantern, so that's a decent trade- I love Lotus Moon. Anyway, I digress.
Dude. I am having anxiety attacks non-stop. I think it's sugar and holiday stress and, oh yeah, my dad's first wife is dying. And my sister in law is being a complete bitch to my brother, which just blows my mind. It blows my mind that he is in a relationship where his wife can just act like that and, in her mind, it's completely acceptable to do that.
Yet, I really do love her and I think she loves my brother, and I know he loves her, so... it's frustrating. And I can't even think about what would happen to him if they did divorce, because she would fight DIRTY for custody of the kid, I think, and... yeah, my mind is just f'n racing right now. I don't want them to have a bad relationship. He deserves a really solid marriage. And then I feel guilty for judging from the outside, but I can't believe she would call him up like that to just... screech and call him every name in the book because her anxiety is bad. I get it. I thankfully don't know what it's like to be in her head, but I know a bit about anxiety, and she really needs help. She needs to take her f'n medication, she needs therapy for coping skills, and she needs to be accountable for how she behaves despite her condition. Those are hard things, but you learn to do them for the things in life that really matter... like your family.
I don't know all the ins and outs of married life. I'm newly married and I've only lived with my husband for just under a year. So I know I'm not speaking from a point where I can say I really understand what it's like to be living with somebody in a long term relationship for 6+ years, but it still seems like appalling behaviour.
The watchdog group still hasn't contacted me. Our line will be disconnected (rather than the service being interrupted- this means the number will be gone, etc.) on the 18th, and I think that will screw with our DSL connection. Can anyone tell me for sure if it will? I guess I could call Verizon to check on it. This is just giving me fits.
I'm applying for a student loan so that we can dig ourselves out of this hole we're in at least a little bit. My husband is applying for financial aid and plans to start school in the fall, which is very good news. It gives him a goal to focus on, rather than just idly sitting by waiting for more paperwork about his application for disability. He's still doing that, but school is a more immediate thing that is in his control.
My sister better really be moving back into town. I miss her, and it would be really great to get to know her kids. So, check it out! She's going to school for hair-styling, and we were talking recently, and I had commented that this summer I was going to chop all my hair off and give the length to Locks of Love, and I was thinking about dying it blue. My 40-year-old (and before people get offended, keep reading!) conservative, LDS sister was ALL FOR IT. She wants to do it. I love my sister. I would also love very much to look like her when I am 40. Actually, I would like very much to look like her 40-year-old self right now. I don't know that I've gushed about my sister enough here, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, but it simply must be said, and my thoughts are running a mile a minute right now. (I just emailed the watchdog group. I really hope they get back to me.) Anyway, the awesome part about my sister is that she's always been beautiful, but she's never been snobbish about it. And I'm not being generous because I care about my sister, she is everything I would love to be, only I'd keep my hair. She is tall and thin and her bone structure is gorgeous- but she is the kindest person ever. She's strong and smart and really thoughtful and... okay, I miss talking to my sister.
I am so very glad that I got to have siblings, thanks to my dad's first wife. I do love them, though we are quite different in age ranges. I think we'll all four be together at Christmas, if my sister in law isn't a complete bitch, or if my brother can get time off- which he should be able to.
Okay, I think I've gone on long enough. I am just all over the place right now.
Okay! Here's the deal, folks. I have no idea. I got an auto-reply from the watchdog group saying that they'd be gone until after the 20th, so nobody has gotten in touch with us, which I find really strange... Hopefully they can do something about this, but I'm pretty sure my dsl won't work without an active phone line in the house, so I may be gone for a bit. If that is the case, please remember: Happy holidays, whatever you celebrate! I'm thinking of you and will be going through massive bpal.org withdrawls. I love you guys!
I don't know if my line is gone yet or not, but I'm still online for the time being. I'm not confident I will be later, but just thought I'd pop in while I still can.
I have no idea what to get my mother for Christmas. We got a gift card to Sears from the wedding that we're using for it, though. Soooo.
I'm also going to nab her some books and a few other things. My mom loves unwrapping gifts, and she loves having gifts that are for her. Childhood trauma and all. Plus, who doesn't love presents? Heh.
I did something right with psychology- I got a 3.8!! Math is, of course a 3.4 (curses! I was hoping to make it to a 3.5, but it just didn't happen.) and the fitness center grade was a 4.0. So my quarterly GPA is a 3.83 and my cumulative is 3.42. I'm just sort of thrilled over psych right now. Hopefully my classes for next quarter will have similar results.
In other news, I'm now a super member on the forums!
I don't think I've tried writing poetry in over a decade, and it's been way longer since I tried haiku. I have seen a lot of people expressing things through haiku on the forums and thought I'd try my hand at it. Eh, we'll see. It's 5/7/5, right?
Disability
Is such a pain in the ass
and in the wallet
The famous Snake Oil
simply does not work for me
such disappointment
O, Katharina
You, of the fruity white musk
always comforting
You lovely readers
subjected to my meager
attempt to create
Right... That was fun. I think I shall have to continue! Some other day.
My grades are available technically today. I hope I didn't completely blow psych. I am really excited about my new classes, but I shall be extra busy. More math! Plus loads of reading to do for my Lord of the Rings class. I'm most nervous about that one, to be honest.
I'm glad to know there are less swapliftings than there used to be, but I'm wondering if the ones that do happen now are on a larger scale- I know MT stiffed a lot of people, and I know at least one other person was left hanging by DM. I'm just very grateful for the swap feedback area; it was an excellent addition and it really does make swaplifting a more public offense.
With regards to my own swapping, I'm considering a policy of having the swapper send me their end first... but that just seems wrong. It feels wrong. If I don't trust them, why should they trust me, y'know? Then again, I think a third swaplifting would be extremely hurtful to me.
As much as I hate losing the CT and not having the bottle and decants from Mistress Tera or Duck Mountain- or the money- I still feel like I've come out on top, which is a wierd way of saying it, but I can't think of a better expression. It's just that the people here are so very generous, that all the kindness and the frimps and socks and notes of encouragement more than balance out the missing bottles. I feel sad and cheated by those people, but I don't feel cheated at all by karma. Does that make any sense at all?
I love the perfumes and the labbies and it's all well and good, but without the community here, I think I would have lost interest, which sounds insulting to the lab, but I don't mean it like that. I've just never been a perfume person, so I don't know that I would have been so drawn in without this network of amazing people. This place has become a sanctuary for me, and I am so grateful for that.
So, in the end, I have just one thing to say:
:joy:
I think I realized why this recent swaplifting has me so more upset than the first one did. I think it's because I lost a unique bottle in this swap, whereas I'd just paid Mistress Tera for the bottle and decants the first time it happened. But this time... My Chaos Theory is just GONE. I can't swap for it again. There isn't anymore of it. It was one of a kind, and it was mine, and... yeah. It's not anymore. And I don't have anything to show for it.
I'm thinking of sending them both Christmas cards (or holiday cards, I guess) and asking politely for a refund of what I gave them in it, but then I just get too angry and don't even want to deal with it.
I think I might sell my bottles from here on out. Hoping for the best is just wearing on me.
Of course, I won't. I'm too addicted to swapping. Here's the thing, though- I can't even say that I'll just limit it to reliable swappers, because both of these people were reliable prior to swapping with me. WTF? Please, please, stop choosing the time that I'm swapping with you to wig out and leave everyone hanging. I think I included frimps in with the CT.
Yeah, poor me. Hah. I am actually okay. My husband and I were grumpy at one another tonight and so I was in a bad mood- it's strange, because we rarely have arguments; we're pretty good at straight-up communication, I think, but every now and then we just sort of misfire and get on one another's nerves, and that's what happened tonight. BUT I'm trying to let it go.
I made six loaves of bread today, and studied in between. SIX, people! I gave one to my parents. Does anybody know how many cups are in a gallon, approximately? I need to figure out how many loaves of bread I get out of a gallon of milk.
So, when I was brand new, a few people sent me free imps just to get me hooked. Every now and then, when the spirit moves me and I have extras, I offer to send some out. I did that recently with someone I'd been corresponding with and feeling pretty friendly with. So I sent them to her, and it's like she fell off the face of the planet. She quit coming to the forums a few weeks after it should have arrived, and I sent her a couple of messages telling her it was on the way, and then asking if it had gotten there safely, and I heard nothing from her. This bugs me. It's not like I wanted her to shout it from the rooftops or anything; I know plenty of other people do this, but just some acknowledgement via PM or SOMETHING would have been nice. Arg.
My brain is all over the place. And I can't remember where in the brain Wernicke's area is.
Finals are scary!!!
I am just wiped out. 3 more days of classes and then I'm done with this quarter, and I am SO READY for it to be over.
So the birth of my new nephew has me daydreaming about having a baby, which I know is so incredibly wierd in light of my recent total spaz-out over the thought of a parasite living inside me, but... I don't know. It's not quite as disgusting as before, because babies are just so amazing.
Yeah, I'm a freak. But my nephew is frickin' gorgeous. (And I really wanted to be able to go down there for the holidays to see him. Sigh.)
It will be a few years before we make any decisions in that area, though.
I suck.
Gah. Sorry for the drama queen syndrome. I just got the results of my last math exam and I sucked, and it pulled my GPA down and I'm really really depressed over it. So, yeah. I got a little intense with the poor me and thus we have suckage.
I arranged for a swap on October 24th with a fairly recognizable person on BPAL.org. I sent a message checking the status of the swap probably the first week of November and on the 14th or 15th, got an apology; she said she was behind in her swaps (which I understand as I get overwhelmed by them sometimes) and that she had sent out a mass PM to her swap partners a while ago but must've left me off, and that she was going to get them out that day. Again, understandable. However, I still don't have the swap. I sent another message to her on the 24th of this month and still haven't heard anything back. She hasn't been on the forum since the 15th. So I'm in a quandry. Do I report a swaplifting? I don't want to be a bitch.
I stared blankly at my math problems for quite some time today. Ugh. My brain just doesn't have focus right now. Hopefully I'll be thinking more clearly tomorrow so that I can regain my footing before the last test and then the final. I haven't even looked at psych.
It snowed here today. I like the snow, but I hope it doesn't get icy overnight, because I hate the way people here drive in the snow. They're okay if it's been around a while, but that first stint is just awful. And, okay, I'm nervous about driving my car on ice. Though I was still pretty clumsy with it last year and I'm still alive, so hopefully I'll be okay... yeah, I'm a spaz.
For those of you who don't obsessively read the swap area, the switch witch winter round is open until the 28th, so hurry. I have some really great ideas for this round and I'm staying optimistic this time, rather than panicking over being poor. I am going to get it together this round and be memorable.
I have a good feeling about this round.
I wish one of the questions was about colours a person dislikes.
My hair smells good. Actually, it smells a little like Freakshow.
I have a half-imp of Trick 2 that needs to be swapped because it is a deathmatch between the patchouli and the tobacco with my chemistry, and that's just not pretty. So if anybody here is interested, you know I love you best. I should've brought it to my mini-meet n'sniff with 'snarky, really. s'gone
She had this cute little case to carry all her stuff in, and then I had hurriedly wrapped mine up in plastic grocery bags... classy! Okay, but seriously, I need to find that bag. Not only will I store perfume in it, I will get one to bring my lunch in, because it's that cool.
Speaking of lunch, I need a thermos. Hrm.
Dude, I want rice krispie treats. SO. BADLY.
I have to do 3 more hours at the fitness lab and then I'm done, because I chickened out and dropped down to one credit. That puts me on financial aid probation next quarter, which worries me slightly.
Huh. I really like how Freak Show smells on me. How did I miss this one? Fig and cocoa are nice together.
So, I go back to school tomorrow. Woah! How did my break go by so quickly? Heh. I need a vacation from my vacation. It was good to get out of town, though.
Okay, I'm done. Eee, new ANTM tonight! And new Heroes tomorrow!!!! Very, very excited about those two things. Next Christmas, somebody is getting me Heroes on DVD. Somebody who is my husband, probably.
I'm really done now. G'night lovelies!
So! I went to Portland for Thanksgiving and we just got home and there's already a bunch of stuff to write about, but I have to talk about meeting up with Snarky! We ended up getting together Wednesday evening, and we drove around trying to find someplace that was open and even Starbucks was closed! Well, Ms. Snarky found a little cake shop that was closed, but the owner said we could come in while she finished her receipts and she'd make us coffee. We were going to try to find somewhere else to go, but the owner sort of insisted that we stay, so we did, and we learned that she had this award-winning cake. The carrot cake was not particularly wonderful, so I think I should have gone with the special cake, but eh. Anyway! It was a great meeting and she's every bit as wonderful in person as you would imagine she is from here. I got to try a bunch of scents I haven't had a chance to test yet and it was just loads of fun. I was very tired, so if I nattered on a bit, I apologise. Okay... gotta go unwind a bit now. Hope everybody who's local had a great Thanksgiving!
So! I am going to be in Portland for a couple of days for Thanksgiving, and I know there are a few Portlanders out there- if anybody would like to meet up, drop me a PM. I also know it's a busy time and a lot of you might be out of town, so I'm not banking on it or anything- I just thought I would offer. Aaand... I should know what part of Portland, right? But I don't; not for sure. I think Milwaukee. I'll have my car there, and I'm pondering a trip to Powells- anyway, just let me know.
I think I may draw on my experiences with people here to include in my novel, but there is one name in particular I plan on using in it- Valentina. So, lady, let me know if you want me to keep my grubby hands off your name or if it's okay.
It's going to be an all female cast as far as present action goes, but male figures will play a part in past events and whatnot. I'm excited! Now to get it all outlined. I need to get back to detailing my main character! I just wanted to share- but one of my personal dares to myself is to draw on something from the forums for each chapter, so... anyway. Madness commence! Or commence madness! Or whatever. Evs! Ack.
I'm actually in a fairly good mood. I got my switchee's package all wrapped up and mailed out today in what I thought was a flat rate box, but was not. Ah well.
The box is painfully small, but it is well packed and there are a few things in there I think she'll enjoy. Now to wait for her to get it! I love this part- not so much the waiting, but the hoping she'll love it and knowing it's on the way.
By the way, inky, I knew you were monet's switch witch- something about the bubble tea in the drawing made me think of you. Dude! You're an artist!
I hope you all have been as spoiled as I have. My SW still hasn't done a reveal, but left me a note saying that she would do that very soon. I'm on pins and needles!
I'm really glad that my husband and I get to be together... we didn't realize how much the housemate was draining our emotional resources- and we already thought he was draining too much. As for the housemate... only time will tell if he and I will get back to a place of friendship. Right now, wounds need time to close up and heal. After that, it's sort of in his court.
The boy and I are getting used to being comfortable in our own home with one another, and that is a good feeling.
With the exception of the ever present money issue. Gah.
Yeah, but I also feel kind of awful. I mean, here's the thing: My husband says we can put off getting rid of one of the cats until he gets his disability, which will probably not be until January or so. We're going to take his cat to get checked out at a vet's office to figure out what's wrong with her- even on sensitive stomach cat food, she vomits pretty much every day, poor thing. I also think there's something wrong with her eyesight. If there's something seriously wrong with her and it's outside of our budget, we'll have to look at options there. So I'm still going to have to get rid of one of our cats, just now one might be getting put down... not exactly sunshine and roses. But it is a respite. And maybe they'll sort it out over this winter. The biggest problem is that there's no alpha cat. My cat is more willing to fight, but she's a scaredy cat, and she knows when she's outmatched. His cat can kick my cat's ass, but won't fight for anything. So the dynamic between them is... well, not dynamic.
Any suggestions would be welcomed. At this point, I'm a hair's breadth from invesigating bunnies. (Not as pets. It's a Buffy quote.)
We tried getting them both hopped up on catnip this weekend to see if they'd be more willing to duke it out, but no such luck.
I'm contemplating bringing a third cat into the mix to shake things up. (My parents' cat, on loan. However, they have a male cat, so I'm not sure what impact, if any, he would have. He'd probably just avoid all the conflict and laze around in the sun.)
My husband's cat is still not venturing out of the room- not often. When she does, my cat immediately chases her back under our bed... and she runs. There's no fighting back.
Today he told me that we're probably going to need to get rid of one. Being who he is, he presented it as us needing to get rid of his cat. The cat he flew in from Tennessee. The cat he loves. And I just can't let him do it. It's cruel to keep this going on, so one of them does need to go- or they just need to go at it, but we haven't been able to instigate that.
I love my cat. LOVE. And I don't know of anybody who can take her. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. Why does everything shift to bleak in an instant like that?
I know I'm not always the most tactful person in the world, but why do people have to be rude? And why do they have to perpetuate drama? It frustrates me to see the forum degenerate into name-calling and snide remarks masked in smilies. Delivering an insult with a smile is still an insult, and is often more offensive that way. I understand wanting to have the last word, but you don't always need it. Go vent about it elsewhere. Start a blog. Do whatever you need to do, but work it out. Stop campaigning for your cause, because nobody cares.
I don't agree with everyone, and I get my hackles up if I feel insulted (which has happened once, and I did react really harshly.) or protective of a friend, or both. But sometimes just let it go. The forum isn't life or death, and if it is, you really need to see about chilling out.
Who am I talking to? That's a good question. (I was just remarking that I hate when people talk like that- rhetorical questions that they immediately answer. I think I saw it on Shark when I mentioned it. Anyway.) If you think I'm talking about you, you probably have good reason to think that, and it's probably true. I'm not talking about one single person, or one single side. Right or wrong, it gets absurd on both sides. Then again, I'm not talking about anyone who is reading my blog, probably.
Conflict is a part of life, and how we deal with it says a lot about who we are as people. I'm obviously a little(!!) unbalanced, but I'm trying to work out my flaws there.
I don't think people are bad. I just think sometimes you've got to take a step back.
Steven Colbert just said "cock-blocked." Is there a clean reference that I'm missing; one that has to do with roosters or something? Because otherwise? Woah. Not bleeped or anything.
I've lost momentum with my secret project now that school started and I had to pull out five rows. Five doesn't sound like a lot, but it feels like a lot.
I almost bought a set of size 3 double pointed needles today, and then realized I wouldn't have the first idea how to use them. I'll get there eventually, I guess. I don't know.
I'm doing okay in math so far. I like that it's a much slower pace. I just could not cover that amount of material in such a short time and grasp it... obviously. So I'm going to work really hard this quarter, again.
I need to work out next week. I'll try and go in extra early one day, if I can get to bed early enough. I just need to get in there, it doesn't matter how long. If I do it once, I can do it regularly from there on out without it being too much of a strain on my anxiety. So... here's hopin'.
I wish my switchee would post more!
I am about sick of money issues coming up. I know I shouldn't be complaining, because it's not like we're starving to death or anything, but it's awfully frustrating being the only one of the three of us with any sort of income. Car insurance and gas money tacked on to everything else is just sort of almost too much to deal with. And here's the thing with insurance: My mom had been taking care of it because she had the money and it was just cheaper for her to do it for a number of reasons. Well, when we went in to have it switched over to my name, they initially quoted a rate that was within our budget, but recanted when they noticed that we didn't get the multiple car discount that my mother has. The rate they quoted then was about double the original one. We went in a couple of days ago to finish up the paperwork and when I asked for the quote again to put in my records, we were given the lower rate- which I didn't notice until we got home. I like the lower rate, but I don't want this to bite us in the ass. Do we go in and bring it up to them? Just wait on it? Oh yeah, and here's something else fun: My windshield is cracked. Got trapped behind two big semi's riding side by side, with rocks piled into the back, completely unprotected, and several of them pelted the windshield. I didn't notice the crack until this week. We can apparently get it fixed for $70, which we don't have to spare, or we can file a claim and have the insurance rate increase. Does that seem right? I'm a bit naive about insurance, apparently, but I've been exceedingly distressed since my husband told me that any claim we make will bump up our rate.
If I had the energy, I'd shriek in frustration.
I saw my meds nurse friday and she told me to journal as often as possible. So I'm going to try for everyday.
I first got online in early '99. I was in a bit of a meltdown and thought it would be a great place to find support in a relatively non-threatening sort of way, except I was intimidated by the internet anyway. Horror stories, you know. Regardless, I found a mental health support site and became a part of the community there. They had bulletin boards and a chat room- it took me a month to get the nerve to go into chat, and then I was hooked. I still preferred the forums, though. It gave me time to think my responses through, and I wasn't quick on the keyboard.
Being young for my age and naive as could be, my angst fed on the forum dramas that seemed to always exist. I only got involved if it involved somebody I cared about, but I loved everyone. (I had issues with telling folks I loved them. Apparently, without tone and context, it can look an awful lot like I'm trying to steal somebody's husband. I just had a lot of love at that point and didn't have any qualms about expressing it. That came later.) So my emotions ran high and I made a close-knit circle of friends and felt like less of a freak-- y'know, in retrospect, a mental health forum is not the best place to make friends. You tend to feed off the negative energy rather than find ways out. Anyway. I sort of quit going after having a particularly rough drama occur; I just couldn't deal anymore. They moved the site shortly thereafter, and I joined and lurked occasionally, but never really got back into posting. I didn't even keep in touch with the people who meant the most to me, which makes me sad.
Tonight I wanted to find the last name of a particular member, and I recalled that she had a website linked in her signature, so I went to the site, and it wasn't there. It's been moved again... It's like it has erased more traces of my past. That's one thing I dislike about the internet. Without physical evidence, it's almost like something never happened.
It's a road I don't need to go down again, but every now and again, I feel drawn to it.
I am frustrated with knitting. I tried to knit a scarf with two threads of different coloured yarn and it just looked messy. I had to pull everything out, because I'd pulled two other scarf-beginnings out to start that one, and then that one didn't work out, and then... yeah. Frustrated. Muchly. Also tired, I think.
