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BPAL Madness!
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The Agony and the Ecstasy

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The Defacography or Humiliation on High

About 6yrs ago, my colon died. Kaput! Gave up the ghost. I was left drinking that nasty crap they make you drink before you have a colonoscopy - but I drank it every day just to go once a week so...   My Gastroenterologist was debating on having my colon removed but he decided I needed one more test before the decision was made. The only thing I was told about this test is that it was called a defacography and that it measured my rectal floor pressure - or in laymans terms, how well the shit went down the chute. Thus the term Defacography - a study of defacating - little did I know....   I arrived at the hospital for my test - very happy that, for once, this test didn't involve drinking vile tasting barium enhanced with Hershey's Quick to make it more palatable -ha! like you can disguise the taste of barium - hello?!   I am called for my test and follow the nurse through a hallway draped with plastic and tools all over the place (my hospital was having remodling and construction done) I enter a room that has an xray bed that is upright so you can stand in front of it. I am perplexed to see that there is a 5gallon bucket with a platstic liner in it, and a toilet seat on top of it, in front of the upright xray table.   I change into a lovely hosptial gown, complete with peek-a-boo rear, and I am asked to go sit on the make shift toilet while they take an xray. WTF? I am told it will show my rectal floor at rest. - okay, so that wasn't so bad.....   The xray table was then laid flat and I was asked to lay with my butt facing the doc. He lifts up my gown, exposing my blushing cheeks, and places and round metal piece on my butthole. I am then asked to stand up and squeeze my cheeks together so I don't loose said metal marker while they put the xray table back to horizontal and place makeshift toilet in front of table. I am asked to sit on the toilet thing (all the while keeping the metal thing in place) and they take another xray. At this point, I am thinking to myself, this is pretty ugly, I hope this is the end of the test. Ha! And it gets worse....   The xray table is once again laid flat, I am told to lay down on top of it. The doctor removes the marker. He goes off to get something, and I see him moving the construction worker"s tools out of his way. As he rummages around, I he picks up a calking gun and starts heading in my direction. OMG - the caulking gun is meant for me?! I thought it was part of all the construction but find out that it is one of the defacography dept. tools - I kid you not!   The doctor places a rubber hose on the end of the caulking gun, and in the slot that a tube of caulking material goes? He puts a tube of barium. He tells me to relax (ha! sure!) and he puts the tube up my butt and starts to "caulk" barium up my ass. I am thouroughly disgusted - How much worse can it get? Let me tell you, never ask that question, because, things can definitely get worse!!!!   So, my butt is full of barium and I am once again asked to get off the xray table while they once again place it upright with that damnable makeshift toilet in front. I am asked to sit on it and told - hold it hold it! and then, they start to raise the toilet thing with a remote control and..... drumroll please... for the finale....   The toilet thing I am sitting on is raised into the air. Yep, I am sitting there,barium caulked up my ass, on a stupid 5 gallon bucket with toilet seat attatched and I am about 5 feet in the air - and if that isn't humiliating enough.... an xray video camera is placed on the side of me, aimed at my poop chute. The doctor is standing in front of me - my knees are eye height to him (OMG can I just die now?!) and with video xray camera rolling, I am told to poop out the barium!!!!   Can I just say "OMFGWTHFBBQ?"   Poop out the barium, 5 feet up in the air, xray video cam rolling, my knees eye height with doc and technicians walking around the room? I am thinking to myself, "what kind of sick f*ck goes into this type of medical specialty? " and then I think to myself....   "I need to get a copy of this tape! I could sell it on a porn site for quite a bit of $$ to some weird freak who would probably get off watching an xray video of me pooping out barium." Hey! it's not like my face would be showing or anything!   Anyhow, I can't stop the stuff coming out of my butt - how much freaking barium did he caulk up there ? This is SICK and WRONG!!!!   Finally, the deed is done and I wash up, get dressed and leave -face red with embarassment....
Rhowan

Rhowan

5
 

My New Grandson! Pictures!

~*~ Announcing ~*~ Ryley Norman Leach June 14,2006 8lbs 11oz. 21 inches   My first grandchild!! He is so beautiful, healthy and strong! Just Precious! I was so excited to hear that my son Jourdan and his wife Breanne, gave him the middle name that they did. It is in honour of my father whose first name is Norman. It is also my parents first great grand child as well, so that, combined with Ryley's middle name after my father, has made them as giddy as we are! My husband Bill, my other son Marshall and I drove down to be with them for a couple of days and it was such an awesome time!   Breanne was in labor for 17hrs!!! I don't know what I would have done if I would have had 17 hrs of labor and 45 minutes of it spent pushing! I am so proud of her. She was such a trooper and I know that she is going to be a really great mom!     A very tired Grandma (me) after 19 hours at the hospital!   Ryley is the most precious baby - of course I am not partial at all! He doesn't even look newborn to me with all of that hair. You can't really tell in the pictures but his hair is clear down over his ears! As for nursing, he was a hungry boy the minute he arrived and hasn't had a problem nursing at all! He loves to suck on his fingers too! He has been sleeping very well and is really easy going. It takes alot to make him upset enough to cry but once he starts, that boy has a big set of lungs on him!!!   Ryley loves to suck on as many fingers as he can get in his mouth!   I thought I was pretty prepared for Ryley's arrival but I wasn't prepared for the emotion! Just holding our beautiful grandson had me awash with so many emotions, I just sat and cried and stared at him. He is the spitting image of his father when he was a baby (except the long hair) and it was just like holding Jourdan all over again when he was a newborn! That brought back so many memories and emotion in just the one instant that I was totally overwhelmed - it was such a wonderful moment!!!     Spitting image of his father!   I can't tell you enough what a joy it is to have him here with us finally. He is going to be one spoiled baby by Grandma and Grandpa! He is so very precious!     Grandpa naps with Ryley   Uncle Marshall helps Ryley understand the finer points of WOW     The Proud Parents!   I am so proud of the kids and I know that they are going to be absolutely wonderful parents! Marshall plans on being the really fun Uncle and he just looks so natural with the ba bies! He is such a doll. Bill and I are excited for Christmas already! And now, the real fun begins!! I am so thankful for all of the people out there who sent their loving thoughts and congrats to the whole family! We are so blessed to have a healthy and happy new addition to our family and I want to thank you all for all you do and have done for me!
Rhowan

Rhowan

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Catch UP! What happened when I went AWOL for 9 months!

Quite a few of you have been wondering what happened to me during my 9 mos. of absence (and no - I did not have a baby! ), and I have promised to blog it. I have to be honest and say that I had blogged a whole novel and as I read it I thought "TMI - WAY MUCH!!!" I erased all of it t and decided to just put it down as simply stated without every single gory detail   As most of you well know, I have a rare disorder that is slowly shutting down my digestive system. If you read below, you will know that I have had my gallbladder and colon removed due to their ceased function.(I have also had surgeries to repair a small bowel obstruction, perferated bowel; I have also had hysterectomy, appendectomy and many other surgeries as well) My stomach now taking 4-5x longer to digest than normal, and I have esophageal spasms and difficulty swallowing. To put it simply my digestive system is SNAFU.   In late Autumn of last year, the pain from this problem began to escalate and slowly became uncontrollable. We barely made it out of town to spend Christmas with my 2 sons, my daughter in law - my oldest son's wife, and of course my adorable grandson - it was his first Christmas!! By the time we arrive home the pain was so intense that I had to be hospitalized to gain control of it. For the next several months I was disabled by the enormous constant pain - even with a huge arsenal of pain medication!! Sometimes it was easier just to sedate me than try more pain meds. If I had to go to emergency or to the doctors, I went in my pj's. I could hardly make it to the bathroom let alone shower on a regualr basis or even communicate to my close friends on this forum. Just getting out of bed was a huge thing and it was so painful. I was also nauseated most of the time.   As July rolled around, I was at my Dr.s for a check up. He put me on a new medication and I started tapering off the huge amounts of pain killers. Needless to say, today, I am feeling much better and it is easier to deal with my pain. I have completely quit 2 of the pain meds I was on and the new perscription (Metformin for Insulin Resistance) has really given me an abundance of energy. I still have debilitating pain but I feel better equipped mentally to handle it. I have only had to reach for the pain killer prescribed for break thru pain twice in the last month. And, No hospital visits either!!! As I made my way back to the forum, I was completely overwhelmed by pms waiting for me - people sending their love and support and wishing me well. I want to thank everyone who wrote me and worried about me while I was AWOL and I want to thank all of you who have welcomed me back with love and friendship. This is truly a forum full of lovely caring people. Thank you!!!   NEXT BLOG: Latest pictures of the grandson!!!
Rhowan

Rhowan

2
 

Harboring an Alien

*THE SPASM*   Woke up in the middle of the night feeling like Alien VS. Predator was going on in my chest and back. In the dark, I waited to see if one of those pesky little aliens was going to burst out of my chest. It is even worse this morning. Nitroglycerin tabs usually help and so do muscle relaxants - not today! It must be quite the fight.   What is actually going on is my esophagus is spasming in high gear. Along with the spasming, I actually get symptoms of a heart attack, but that is basically because those same nerves are all tied in together. It's the shits sometimes....   I have a shitty digestive system which leaves me with a pretty bleak future. I don't think about the future because I have faith in modern medicine and I think that one day they will have something out there for me.   My digestive system is slowly shutting down. It all started with abdominal pain when I was in my teens - not to worry, my mother was told. After I had my children, I was told I needed a hysterectomy - not only for the fibroid tumors, but because of the never ending low abdominal pain. A few years later, the abdominal pain gets worse and to make a long story short, my gall bladder just quit working. Gave up and died! Gall bladder - Gone, Appendix -gone. Somewhere along the line, my colon gave up and died too - they took that too.   At least I didn't need a colostomy bag. Things move sooooooo slow thru my digestive track that I actually have to take a medicine to force things thru and to have a good poo (ha! I said poo! and I rhymed ) My stomach is slowly shutting down, my small bowel is so very slow and lets not forget the esophagus - where things don't go down if when I swallow, or I have the freaking alien breakout! Oh! and lets add to it, all of the scar tissue build up from the numerous abdominal surgeries - plus the unknown peritonitis and peritonitis from a ruptured small bowel. ACK! So, for all of those things, I am in chronic pain from esophagus to rectum.   Anyhow, whoever is struggling inside my chest right now, I hope that it's not the alien that wins!
Rhowan

Rhowan

0
 

That Cheating Bastard or Nanshe of Doom

I need to preface this by saying that I have always been very connected to my dreams, even as a very small child. I have always solved my problems in my dreams and have counted on my dreams to lead me in the right direction in life. My dream life is very important to me. I also need to add that my husband and I have been happily for 24yrs....   I recently recieved an imp of Nanshe as a frimp. I would have never thought to get any of the Somnium simply because I have such good sleep and am so connected to my dreams. I decided that it couldn't hurt to try Nanshe could it? After all, who is to say that I didn't need dream help any way? Right?   That night, as I went to bed, I put Nanshe on my temples, my wrists and a bit on my arms where my head lays as I sleep. At first I thought that it was to bright of a blend to go to sleep with - a very bright orange/yellow that kind of made me perky rather than sleepy. But I persisted and finally fell asleep.   That night, I dreamt so much I couldn't even keep up with it as I usually do! The dreams were so chaotic that I woke up half exhausted! I could remember bits and pieces of the dreams but not enough to do what I usually do - sort it out and figure out what my dreams were trying to tell me.   Of course, I gave it a second night's try. Same as the first night. My hubby told me that I was thrashing around so much in my sleep and suggested that I lay off the Nanshe.   The third night I put my Nanshe on and did some relaxation techniques and tried a bit of self hypnosis to focus. That night, I had the worst NIGHTMARE a woman can have! Here is my dream:   My hubby was coming home an hour late here, or 2 hours late there. When we were shopping we kept running this woman he worked with. Any how, to make a long story short, I was out running errands one day and came across them coming out of a restaraunt, arm in arm. When I confronted them they laughed - both of them. My hubby turned to me and told me that he never loved me, that she was his soul mate etc... I was DEVASTATED. I was sobbing and pleading and both of them were laughing. My husband was saying horrible mean things to me. It was awful.   Now, I think every woman out there has had a dream like this. I have had one and woke up so pissed that I couldn't talk to my hubby the first 5 minutes until I woke up fully and realized, "OK, it was just a dream" NOT THIS TIME! I wept for 3 days straight, I called my hubby at work to check on him. I knew that when he was a 1/2 hr. late home from work, he was with HER. It was so vivid and real. I couldn't snap out of it. My hubby handled it all in good cheer the first day, the second day he was pretty annoyed and the third day he was really angry of being accused of having an affair. He made me swear off the Nanshe!   I know where the dream came from and I knew then too. Just recently, two people I know have had the same thing happen to them in real life. Hubby comes home after 15yr of marriage and says - never loved you, I want a divorce. That in my head along with the worry that I have this illness where I can't really keep up with my hubby and that feeling of unease that comes with it - well *POOF* instant nightmare only to be magnified by the Nanshe.   Things are back to normal now, I am back in touch with my dreams, my marriage is still great, and I know better than to try the rest of the Somnium or anything else that will help with your dreams. Now if Beth could just make one that would help me loose some weight!
Rhowan

Rhowan

0
 

Hermetically sealed for your irritation!

I think my mother passed a strange gene down to me - it's the dreaded TAPE gene.... Opening any gifts from Mom especially around christmas time gets frustrating. She tapes things closed - not only tapes things but TAPES them. Whenever there is a present ready, my dad has his trusty pocket knife out because he knows. Knows what? you say? He knows that is is going to take some big time muscles with his pocket knife to get thru all of mom's tape! It's the family joke but it gets downright irritating if you are a ripper! Ya know, one of those people who love to rip into a package - damn the pretty paper.   So, somewhere along the line, I got the gene (or the obsession)and it is magnified by 1,000 to say the least. All of my swaps go out pretty much hermetically sealed for protection Whose protection? Well, I would venture to guess, protection of my mental health status! My bottles, for example start out with me trying my damndest to get the lid on as tight as possible. Plumbing thread tape is next to keep the leaks in place. Saran wrap is next, pulled tight and then taped into place - just on the off chance any oil would get past the thread tape and saran wrap. Then, said bottle is wrapped verically in bubble wrap (tape to hold it closed), the horizontally, then it is put into a liitle pouch I have taped together, with the imps and such going out.   Boxes? Now, here is where my obsessive hermetic seal really kicks in. I am so paranoid that the box is going to come open or the label is going to come off that I pretty much tape the whole damn box. I cannot help myself. It is against my nature to normally tape it due to rampant paranoia running thru mywee little mind. Paranoia that the box is going to fly open, or lids are going to leak. This mind set also comes in to play when wrapping presents also. One of my good friends got a care package from me that was vitually a box encased in tape. WEll, what if water got in? Or perfume tried to leak out? Anhow, she is the one who started the whole "hermetically sealed" thing.   Advice to future swappers and buyers, Have scissors on hand when my packages come in.
Rhowan

Rhowan

1
 

First things first...

So, okay... never done this before so I hope I am putting setting right and things in the right place ~ I guess we will find out soon enough. Who knows, maybe you can teach on old dog a new trick!   I just finished my Get to Know Me page. Wow, it's pretty long, but how do you some up yourself in just a tiny page. I am a very complex person so it was hard to just put in the facts and not ramble on about every little detail.   I am freezing cold right now. The heat has been off since we have had the most beautiful spring days lately. Today is cold and rainy and I have been sitting here at the damnable computer, dinking around and ignoring all my chores and especially how cold I really am. My fingers are so cold, it is getting hard to type!   I think it's time to take a nice, hot, bubble bath. Candles burning, oils flowing, hot water and a nice mask! oooh! sounds great....
Rhowan

Rhowan

0
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