I've about had it with work this week. It's been hard and stressful, and I'm getting all stressed out which is giving me a headache.
What's going on today it V-8 badness. V-8 is the new turbo that is going to make or break us, and right now everything is all fucked up.
Today alone I've dealt with inventory issues, quality issues, capacity issues (which is something purchasing should have done something with a long time ago) - all are things that could shut the line down, and shutting the line down is very, very, very bad.
With things as bad as they are with the V-8 program, I'm a little worried because both Todd and I work there. I'm beginning to wonder if it's time to look for a new job.
I really don't want to look for a new job, because I really do like my job. It's not that hard, but it's busy and hectic enough to keep me occupied during the day. And I hate looking for a new job... hate it with a passion.
The reasons to look for a new job is the temp. thing (I can't get my boss to stand still for 5 minutes to give him updates on parts, let alone have time to take about my tempness.), and of course, the badness with the V-8 program.
It's got to slow down and get more stable eventually, but it's hard right now.
I'm going to talk to Todd about it, and try and find some time to pin my boss down to talk to him about the temp. issue. If I was given a date when I'd be hired in (even if it was still a while off), I'd stay. I make decent money, so that's another reason to stay.
Things might get worse before they get better though. I have two co-workers who are also temps, and one has been seriously looking for another job for a couple of weeks now. I shudder to think what things would be like if we didn't replace her right away. She has over 70 vendors!
I'm just torn... and really tired
I wonder why I don't have any friends and no-one seems to like me?
Truthfully, I whine a lot more online than I do in real life, but I still seem to not be able to attract any friends at all.
If something happens to Todd, I'd have no-one, since my family doesn't really care either. I'm sure if I didn't make an effort to stay in touch, they'd never call me.
My cousin is even ditching me the weekend of my shower to go to a Tigers game, which really makes me sad. I'm not going to be able to come back to Michigan very often, and she decides that she would rather go watch a baseball game in Detroit than hang out with me. I know now why my bach. party was moved from Saturday night to Friday night.
Sorry, I'm just feeling very sick today, which makes me sad and depressed.
Since my own wedding is 3 months away, my thoughts are pretty much focused on the wedding, and how much crap I still have to do for it.
When I couldn't get to sleep last night, I flipped on the tv, and found the show 'Bridezillas' on which I watched for about 20 minutes.
One of the brides made the comment that 'the wedding is all about the bride, and the groom doesn't matter'.
I'd like to say that it's the first time I've heard that idea, but it's not. I know of several people who felt that way about their own wedding.
Our wedding will be focused not just on me, because honestly it's not just me getting married. It's Todd and I.
Besides, he might get more attention, since he's inviting more people
I did get some wedding stuff done - I got the cloaks for the bridal party ordered yesterday, and I'll get them in a couple of weeks, which is awesome.
This weekend, beyond cleaning, I'm going to get my invitations weighed, so I can buy stamps, so I can start to get those finished.
Since my brain is completely tuned to everything weddings, I thought I would post some pictures of the stuff for my upcoming wedding.
Our engagement picture
Pictures of my dress!
My cake topper
My University of Michigan garter
My guest book
The label I made to put on our bubbles
My invitations
This is what my flowers will look like
The start of my centerpieces
My favors
This was meant to be a LJ entry, but LJ is being stupid
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Valentine's has never been important to me at all, so today was just another day.
I did make the mistake of getting up and saying hi to Todd when he got home. I was awake, and I missed him. Of course 'hi' turned into talking for about a 1/2 hour, and when I got back to bed, I couldn't get to sleep, and mostly just tossed and turned the rest of the night.
So, I was very sleepy when I dragged myself out of bed this morning, especially since I dragged myself out of bed a 1/2 early so I could get to work early and leave work early (I had to go to the PO which annoying closes the same time I usually get out of work).
Work was fine, though busy. I went to Sonic for the very first time for lunch, and that was pretty good.
I get home (after the PO of course) and I have a white (maybe yellow, I can't tell) rose waiting for me. I thought this was very sweet since I told Todd about a month ago not to get me anything.
I've been cleaning and trying to deal with the flea situation after I got out of work, and now it's nearly time to go to choir.
I was never popular in school - I was too geeky, shy and quiet to be popular. Most of the time I was okay with that, but sometimes I longed to be noticed.
I'm not liked at work because I don't smoke. Nearly all my co-workers smoke, and take smoke breaks together. I try to engage them in conversation, but they don't really seem all that interested because they are at totally different phases of their life.
I don't have a lot of friends, and the several attempts I've made to make new friends since moving to NC have failed for reasons that are unknown to me.
I miss when I did have a group of friends - my last year of college was the only time I've felt vaguely popular. I was in a larp group on campus, and was friends with most of the people who played. The group was very large (nearly 40 people at one point) and I felt liked and wanted.
Now my wedding is less than a month away, and I'm keenly aware that I have no friends coming. My sister has more friends attending my wedding than I do.
I feel sad because I wish I had someone to go shopping with and do girly type things, but more often than not when I reach out to someone to be their friend they just don't seem interested.
I have a lot of pictures, and I've been thinking lately that I really should scan them into my computer, and make several cd's, so as to have them in case something happens.
The only problem that it's a bit hard to look at some of these pictures, and it brings up some unpleasant feelings.
Firstly, even though she's been dead for over 4 years, I have a hard time looking at pictures of my mom. When I do, I feel like sobbing, so I just don't look at pictures of her. With the picture project, I would have to look at them
Secondly, I'm not sure what to do with the pictures that have my ex-friends in it. Since I was friends with my ex-best friend for nearly 10 years, I have a lot of pictures with her in it. A lot with my other ex-friends as well. Right after we moved to NC, I was going to send the ex-best friend the pictures, but never got around to it. Now I feel that too much time has passed.
Looking at those pictures bring back everything that went down, and it makes me sad and angry at the same time. I won't scan those in, but I don't really feel right throwing them away either.
This has been on my mind, which was evident by my dreams like night, which one featured my mom, and the other featured my ex friends.
I promise I will update my wishlist by the weekend, I promise!
I have super dry skin, so I always need lotion. I also love candles and tarts (I'd love some more Dark Candles and some more Fat Cats tarts). Foody / Fruity scents work the best.
I love villianess soaps, but am always willing to try out new bath products.
I love writing, and do sometimes at work when things get slow/boring. I usually keep a small blank notebook in my purse for this purpose. I can always use more small blank notebooks because I fill mine up really fast.
I think that's all for now!
I fear that I'm not a good person. I don't have very many friends, and those I do have seem to be pulling away from me.
I'm not sure why I have such a hard time making and keeping friends. My whole history of friendships show how people end up not liking me as a friend, and then dumping me.
I just want a couple of good friends that I can call and talk to, or hang out with. I have my husband, and he's great (and I do wonder sometimes how he can stand me), but I only see him on the weekends.
I had really wanted to go to the meet & sniff in SC this weekend, and now it appears that no-one is going. I was really looking forward to it, and now all I have to look forward to is a weekend of lots and lots of cleaning.
I'm sad and I'm lonely, and I'm super stressed out over work and the wedding, and now that my in-laws are coming to visit, I'm stressed about that.
Everyone is calling today a 'snow day' - but now there isn't any snow - it all was washed away by the 'wintery mix'!
This morning I get up, and look outside - there is a little bit of snow on Todd's but it didn't look icy, so I got dressed and went to work. The roads were fine.
Well, about an hour after I got to work, it started sleeting out, and kept sleeting. In my department, we were debating on what to do (my boss's mom and husband kept calling her, telling her to come home), all the higher ups started paging each other.
People who've been there longer than me (which is just about everyone), said that they were probably going to shut down because of the weather, which they did end up shutting the whole company down.
I nearly fell on my butt leaving work (it is darn icy out there), but the drive home wasn't too bad. I only slipped once, and that was when I was nearing home. The highway wasn't fun though, since semi's kept passing me.
So, it sucks because I only worked 2 hours today, but I'm glad I work for a company that puts the safety of their employees first.
The forum is messed up for me and a handful of other people. It's a real chore to try and read anything on the forums, since I have to wade through error screens, and having the forum jump back to the main page.
Because of this, I haven't been around the forums as much as I usually would be, and I'm feeling disconnected from the entire bpal fandom which makes rather sad
I've been missing my mom an awful lot as of late too, which makes me feel sad as well. I think the stress of the wedding, and the fact that it is only 5 months away, is wearing on me.
I've been really sad this week... overwhemling so.
Wedding planning is hard, especially since my mom is gone, and I don't really have any help in NC. Todd helps when he can, but it's at the stage that he isn't interested in - making favors, getting the invitations ready, and such.
I was looking forward to having the couple days off over the 4th to get some of this wedding stuff done, and now I'm dreading the 4th because my in-laws are coming to visit.
I'm afraid I'll be kicked out of my own bedroom (my in-laws helped us move, and took over our bedroom. The first week of our marriage we couldn't even sleep together!) - I don't sleep well to begin with, but I really don't want to have to sleep on a blow up bed, then have to go to work for 10 + hours, then have to come home to 'entertain'. The very thought makes me want to cry.
I'm really sad that the SC meet and sniff isn't going to happen. I know I shouldn't have gone anyway because of the money, and because of the messy house, but I probably would have gone. I had been looking forward to it for quite a while now
And again, I wish I had friends - girl friends, mostly. I don't have anyone really to blather on about wedding stuff, to come to my fittings with me, to help me with invitations, to watch girly movies, and talk about things only girls can understand.
I miss having a best girl friend... and I even miss the best girl friend I had in college (though she become quite a crappy friend the last couple years of our friendship).
Life is hard... and I really try to keep upbeat (I know, it's hard to tell from my posts), but with feeling sick all the time (my lovely headaches insure that I'm in pain, all day every day) and being so lonely, it's hard to keep happy.
I feel slightly bad, and greedy... but I love presents!
I, of course, got a lot of neat things for my bridal shower this past weekend, but it sucks because I couldn't taken hardly anything back with me because I was flying and only had a large-ish duffel bag (I didn't want to mess with checking luggage in).
Luckily, my sister had the foresight to just mail my presents, and put pictures in the card she gave me. So I have a brand new spice rack (with spices in it!) and a 4 canister set (which I plan on putting flour and sugar in two of them).
Todd is home sick (he's got a nasty stomach bug), and emailed me that we had a package. I called him, and had him open it while I was on the phone (work is dull, I wanted a little excitement )
We are now the proud owners of a 6 mixing bowl set! It was sent by someone who couldn't make my shower.
I really hope people send us wedding presents in the mail, so we don't have to haul all the presents back from Michigan... and because I love packages with presents in them!
I came to a realization yesterday, after emailing back and forth with my sister.
My family is so absorbed in their own lives, that they couldn't give two shits about my wedding (and me).
My sister doesn't want to do anything that will put her out in the least (like sleeping on the floor for one night - the night before my wedding), and thinks that my gameplan for the wedding day is dumb. Oh, and she thinks is stupid to have my MIL be our hair dresser (she's really quite good, and free).
My sister and I have never gotten along, since we are like night and day. She was the one obssessed with popularity in high school, where I was the shy, quiet, geeky girl. My sister has also never grown out of the phase where she thinks she is always right (therefore, I'm always wrong).
My dad changed a lot after my mom died, which is to be expected. Except he changed into someone who is very self-absorbed. He made my life more miserable when my headaches first started, because I was living at home, and he'd wouldn't believe that I was feeling as sick as I did. He'd goad me into fights, even though he'd know that if I got too upset and cried too much, it would trigger a migraine-worthy headache that would land me in the hospital.
He got married in June, and doesn't really bother with me anymore. He'll call if he wants something, but that's it. He'll go with his wife to Philly to visit her daugther (they have done this several times in the last year), but he has yet to come and visit me.
Plus he ditched me when we were moving, to meet his now wife for the first time. That really hurt, because I really needed his help.
I'm not a selfish person. I'd do anything for my friends, but this quality seems to be a rare one, and one that drives people away.
I used to have a group of friends, but they all decided enmasse that they didn't want to be friends with me. Apparently, asking them to call or email once a month or so, so I didn't always have to be the one calling / emailing / visiting was too much for them. I would have done anything for them, because they were my friends, but instead all they did was ditch me and hurt me, and then say horrible things on lj after I said I no longer wanted to be friends with them.
So, for some reason people don't like me. I have two friends now, but we aren't super close. I've really tried to make new friends, but I haven't been sucessful in the least.
Now that I realize that my family really doesn't want that much to do with me either, I have to wonder why I'm such an undesirable person to be around.
I haven't written in this blog forever, but I will attempt to be better at it.
With my new job and new found happyness, I don't have much to say in internet land anymore.
There is always so much more to talk about when you are unhappy I guess *L*
My day to day life is pretty boring, so I'll spare all of you that. Instead, I'll talk about the trips I'm planning on taking this year.
The first is Dragon*Con which is defined as such on their website:
Dragon*Con is America's largest, multi-media, popular arts convention focusing on science fiction and fantasy, gaming, comics, literature, art, music, and film.
Dragon*Con is Labor Day weekend in Atlanta, GA
I've known about Dragon*Con for about 4 or 5 years now (maybe longer), and I've always wanted to go. Luckily, our first Asheville friends go every year, so I have someone to share a hotel with.
The only downside to Dragon*Con is that my husband can't come, because of work But we decided that there was no reason I shouldn't go.
So, I love costumes and cosplaying, so I'm of course planning on wearing costumes for Dragon*Con. I'll be bringing at least one old costume, and making one new costume. I'm not the best sewer in the world, so making costumes is hard for me. I used to be friends with someone who could sew and she'd make my costumes, but since we've had a rather large falling out, so I'm forced to make my own costume.
This is the costume I'm making for Dragon*Con:
It's the girl in the pink frilly dress (oftentimes called the Cupcake Dress).
Since I'm not the best at sewing, I'm starting out with a base dress, and adding th e ruffles and the other bits. My boss (who is also becoming my friend) told me about this really neat thrift store she goes to, and I met her yesterday. I found a dress that could be my base dress (and for 50 cents!), but when I got home, it was a little tight - I couldn't zip it up all the way. Though that could be my arms not being able to reach all the way around.
So, I'm geeked about that. I'll probably post pictures as the process goes along.
The other vacation I'm really excited for is our Disney honeymoon! Though since this post has already gotten long, I post more about that later.
I've been a Christian since I was born. My dad was Lutheran from birth, and my mom basically converted from Lutheran in name to Lutheran in practice.
I believe in the Christian God, and have had those 'whoa, he's touching my soul' moments.
But, I have some beliefs that rather go against some ideals that some Christians have.
I know there are ghosts, and I believe in magic and the possibilty of other gods and goddesses (I've never had a 'whoa' moment with any other deity, but I'm not discounting their existance) - if I ever get some time to devote to it, I'd love to be able to research / learn more about some pagan paths. And I really, really want to learn how to read tarot cards.
My mom looked at my horoscope when I was born, and it said something to the effect I would be very religious. She always took that to be Christian religious, which I have been for the most part. Heck, I seriously toyed with the idea of becoming a Pastor when I was in college.
But I have to wonder sometimes if that meant something beyond the Christian religion.
My inlaws are driving me insane. I like them and all, but I hope they don't come back to visit for a long, long, long time.
My mother in law tends to be really, really, really judgemental, and tries taking over things. She basically took over the bbq yesterday. She also took the wallpaper off in our bedroom (which I should add, I did quite a bit of myself), and primer-ed and painted that wall. Well, splaking (I have no idea how to spell that this morning) took place because there was a bunch of holes in the wall, and yesterday she tried to vacum up the splakle (sp?).
Well, the vacum started to smoke, and she decided that it wasn't because she vacumed up the splakle, but because we hadn't changed the bag on it.
We have hard wood floors, and only really use one room with carpet, so we don't need to vacum that often. But she proceded to bitch about it the rest of the evening (she also vacummed our hard wood floors, which pissed Todd off to the point that he unplugged the vacum)
Plus their idea of cleaning is driving me nuts too. This includes Todd's grandmother too. I had to move stuff around in the kitchen because they put it away wrong (which isn't that big of a deal, but I'm wearing thin on patience because of tiredness). And what took the cake was this morning, at 6:30 am, I was in the bathroom getting ready for work. I went to comb my hair, and my comb was no where to be found.
I keep a comb in the shower, for combing my hair out in the shower, and that's where both my combs were! Why in the world would I need two combs in the shower? It really irritated me.
Plus, because of them being here, I haven't slept well since Sunday, so I'm exhausted. This is honestly the last thing I needed right now. What I need is a break, but instead I got a long weekend of being irritated and exhausted.
Yesterday wasn't all bad. Our friends, Alice and Josh came over for the bbq, and I'm soooo glad that they did. We talked and watched tv, until it was time to eat, then we ate. Afterwards, we played quite a few games of 'Apples to Apples', then attempted to play Trival Pursuit - the 90's edition, but ran out of time.
We headed over to Alice and Josh's place around 9, because we were going to watch the Lake Julian fireworks. But it started downpouring, thundering and lightening while we were driving over there, so Todd & I decided that we would just go home (after we went to their house and told them) because even if it stopped storming in time to have the fireworks, the ground would still probably be wet, and it wouldn't be that fun.
I was pretty bummed out though, I was looking forward to seeing the fireworks.
My inlaws are suppose to be leaving by 4 today, and I hope to God they are gone by the time I get home from work.
I have a disease called 'Daily Chronic Headaches' - the short explanation is that I've had the same headache since August 2003.
I think my ordeal since August 2003 started with a trip to Michigan's Adventure. It's an amusement park in Muskegon, MI, that has a water park and a regular amusement park (their slogan is 2 parks for the price of one).
My best friend at the time and I went there on a very hot August Saturday, and spent nearly all day in the water park.
It was fun, but I'm positive that it lead to an ear infection.
I started feeling sick not long after this, and I went to the doctor several times, only to be told it's a virus (aka they have no clue what's wrong).
I was sick for a month, and so sick that it got to the point that I had to go to the hospital and miss a week's worth of work. At the hospital, I was told I had strep throat and an ear infection. Because my regular doctor never diagnosed the ear infection, my ear was permently damaged.
This is also when my headaches started. My doctor gave me FMLA for my headaches, otherwise I would have been fired for missing the weeks worth of work. It was good that I did get it, because I ended up using nearly all of it up.
The next 9 months, I spent in and out of the hospital with the headaches. My regular doctor put me on every known headache / migraine medicine he knew of, and none of them worked.
I went to a neurologist (he thought I was crazy), and other specialists - no-one could help me and my life was falling apart.
One of my co-workers convinced me to try chiropractic, and it ended up being a Godsend to me. I could return to some degree of normalcy.
Even though, I don't miss work anymore, and I don't usually miss social things, and the fact that I don't look sick, doesn't change the fact that I'm in constant pain.
I have to watch what I eat, how active I am, make sure I get extra sleep, and I still have my bad days.
Today is a bad day - thunderstorms are moving into the area, which always sets off my headaches, and getting upset yesterday didn't help.
So, I'm trying to make it through work, and then I'll go home and go to bed.
When I was in college, this is how my typical Saturday would go.
I'd be up at 4 am, so I could be to work at 5 am (I worked at McDonald's). I would work until about noon, then I'd head home.
I've veg around the house until about 3:30, then it would be time to get ready for the LARP (live action role play).
We would LARP from about 5 until midnight, and then we would go to Lil Chef or Shoney's for food.
Afterwards, sometimes a group of people would end up at my townhouse, and we talk until 4 am.
I wonder sometimes how I managed to do that!
Now I usually sleep in until about 9 or 10 am, clean the house, run errands. In the evenings, Todd and I will watch a movie, but I'm usually ready to go to sleep by 10 pm.
Sad, isn't it?
On the way into work this morning, I heard about the foiled terrorist plot that has shut down the big airport in London, and has made changes come about even over here, about what you can or cannot have in a carryon.
This makes me very nervous when I think about flying again. I'm really hoping to talk Todd out of flying to Disney, since it would be a waste of money. But, we are going to have to fly, when we go to Europe in 2008.
This whole thing also effects my job, as parts from overseas are air freighted in. I even have a supplier in England, and the parts I get from there are air freighted from London. I'm glad that I wasn't needing a shipment to go out today, and hopefully the airport will be back in business soon.
Now, on to bridezillas!
There is a show on WE that is called 'Bridezillas'. I tape it every Sunday night, and usually watch it on Monday. A lot times the brides that are featured on the show, are being unreasonable and overly stressing themselves out, but usually calm down once the ceremony is over.
Not the girl on last Sunday's episode. She was pissed off her entire wedding day. She had a pretty decent reason to be pissed (her in-laws were late, causing her wedding to start an hour and a half late), but I would hate to be that bride and look back at the video and see how unhappy I was on my wedding day.
Yes, I'm pretty stressed out over everything right now (though honestly work is more a stressor than the wedding right now), but I'm going to be happy and enjoy my special day. And I don't think I've ever been as unreasonable as the brides on 'Bridezilla'.
Today would have been my mom's 55th birthday if she was alive, and it's Todd's 31st birthday, so I feel a bit conflicted.
I find a bit creepy that my mom and my husband have the same birthday. Mostly because he never met her, and we didn't start dating until after she died.
Birthdays are a big deal to me, so I try and make the people I love's birthday a little special. This weekend, I took Todd out to eat and to the movies. He doesn't really like birthdays, so that's about all the fuss he'll let me make
Today I'm taking him out to lunch, and finishing his cake (I was too tired to frost it last night).
First, an update on the grey kitty. Our neighbors are currently renting the house next to us, but are looking for a house to buy. They are currently feeding the grey kitty, and planning on taking it to the vet, and taking it with them when they move.
They don't have any pets, and they are rather nice, so it's for the best, since Todd and I don't have time to introduce a new pet into our house.
We spent nearly the entire weekend cleaning, so our house is as clean as it's ever been, and we are now completely unpacked. Of course, Todd's parents brought him a bunch of crap with them, but he'll have to deal with that.
They also brought our kitchen table, which I'm geeked to have. I have to go to Target today anyway, so I'll get a cool 4th of July table cloth.
I'm at work right now, then hopefully I can finish the wedding invitations today (did a ton yesterday after the cleaning) and kinda relax since I'm rather tired.
Our BBQ is tomorrow, so hopefully that will be fun!
Everyone at work thinks I'm a newlywed, because I didn't feel the need to tell them that we got married twice (first time was September 9, 2005 for insurance reasons, the 2nd time was September 30, 2006, which I consider our 'real' wedding date).
Apparently since I'm a newlywed, I don't know what it's like to be married, and shouldn't talk about my husband.
Several times in the last few weeks when I've brought up Todd in some form or fashion, my boss will add "But she's just a newlywed"
This happened yesterday at book club - we had read "Let's Roll" - which is the story of Todd and Lisa Beamer. Todd Beamer was one of the 9-11 heros who was on the plane that crashed on in the field.
At some point during the discussion, I mentioned that it was hard for me to read the part of the book that took place during and after 9-11, because my husband's name is Todd.
To which my boss said "But she's just a newlywed", to which the other people in the book club just said "Ah" and gave knowing looks.
WTF!!!!
Just because I'm a newlywed I can't not want my husband to die... apparently I can't talk about my husband or marriage until I'm not a newlywed!! I'm sure after October rolls around, it's going to turn into "But she's only been married a year"
GRRRRR!!
Oh, my boss also did insult my marriage. We were at lunch one day not long ago, and we were talking about laundry, when I said that our laundry hadn't merged yet (I feel no need to do Todd's laundry, and I'm sure he feels no need to do mine), and she said "Well, since you don't do your laundry together and you have seperate money, it's like you are not even married."
Again, WTF!!!
So, annoying!!
