Todd and I keep our money separate, and we have never wanted to merge our money, even after we got married.
Well, I mentioned in my lj yesterday that he had lent me some money for my new glasses, and that got one of my lj friends up in arms.
Apparently we are 'less' married, because when you are married you must have your money combined. The lj friend even went to recommend a book to 'help' us with our problem.
This pissed me off, because our way of dealing with money works for us, and how dare someone who doesn't know us judge?
Well, I posted a pissy vent in one of the lj marriage communities, in which someone responded that she also thought we must merge our money, since marriage is about 2 people becoming 1, and therefore married people must never have separate money.
GRRRR!
No - nothing is wrong with me and Todd, things are great with us.
Since there seems to be a lot of relationship troubles on the forum as of late, I thought I would share my sad tale of love.
I didn't date a lot in high school. In fact, I went on a total of two dates in high school, being my first date (so boooring! The guy was too shy) and the senior Prom (same guy as first date, but so much more fun because we went with a group).
I had one boyfriend my sophomore year of college, who I liked. He was madly in love with me, and when I realized I didn't love him at all, I broke it off with him.
It was in my junior year of college (I think) when I met Adam. And I fell head over heels in love with him, though looking back, I'm not sure why I did.
Our relationship had more downs than ups, especially at the end. We had to deal with both our moms getting cancer, his mom dying of cancer (mine did too, though it was after we had broke up). After his mom died, we moved in with his dad, which made things get really bad in our relationship, because a trailer with me, Adam, his dad and his dad's girlfriend/fiancee/wife made things really uncomfortable.
He couldn't deal with his mom's death because he didn't believe in any deity, and he started to be a real jerk, even though I bent over backwards to try and help him.
We moved out of the trailer, and into a house where Adam's friend, Ted, lived, but things didn't get any better, he just kept treating me worse and worse, until I broke up with him, and my parents came and got me (it was summertime, and I was still living in the town I went to college in).
I found out later that he was being a jerk on purpose, so I would be the one to break it off. Pussy...
But I loved him, madly, and it took me nearly a year to get over him. We were both in my ex best friend's wedding, and when I saw him, I realized that he wasn't a prize and I didn't have any feelings for him anymore.
Funnily enough, that wedding was the first time I saw Todd (though I didn't think of Todd in that way, since I knew he had a girlfriend who everyone thought he was going to marry )
I was single for about 2 years after I broke up with Adam, and it was the best thing for me. I had a lot going on during that time with my mom dying and having to move back home.
When Todd and I got together, it was very weird. Ex-best friend and I joked that it would be cool if Todd and I got married, because then our kids would be kinda related (Todd and xbf's husband are distant cousins).
My experience with Adam has made me appreciate Todd tons, because he's a great husband (most of the time ).
My first job in the company I currently work in was the best job in the world. I loved it so much, but I was only temping for two ladies who were out on materinty leave.
I bawled on my last day, on the way home from work, because I loved this job so much.
My boss thought I was a great worker and he tried to A) keep me in his department or keep me in the company.
I'm still in the company, but I don't like my current job nearly as much. Plus my boss in the old job was great, and my current boss is too busy to do much of anything besides sit in meetings.
I just got a company wide email that one of the ladies who had a baby is leaving, tomorrow. Since this is the first I've heard of it, I'm guessing that they have someone else taking her place.
I told my old boss that I would come back in a moment's notice, but I guess that's not going to happen.
I sent him an email - to see if her position was filled. I know if I could go back there, I would have a wonderful job, with wonderful co-workers, and I'd be hired in right away.
Because my mindset is of a depressed one, I feel that someone else is already working in her place, and it makes me want to cry. I can't even apply for the posting for her job, because I'm not hired in.
My very first BPAL love was Hamadryad - I sniffed an imp, and was hooked. It was the first bottle of BPAL I ever had too.
Then the "Great Cleansing of 2005" aka "Mandy had to sell all of her BPAL so she could afford gas to get to work" happened, and that bottle go sold (with the rest of my collection )
And of course, Hamadryad doesn't smell like my first love anymore, and I don't like the new hamadryad (it makes me sneeze )
But I was just looking through the imps my switch witch sent me, and there was an imp of Hamadryad, and I opened it up.
OH SWEET WOODSY GOODNESS!!!
Suddenly I was propelled back in time to the fall of 2004, when I first fell in love with Bpal and Hamadryad.
Now I wish I still had that bottle
Meanwhile, let's take a look at Eoywin's chart. Which is very very pretty (I am sometimes such a Libra).
She's born March 19, 1977 at 1:50PM in BayCity, Michigan.
This makes her a double Pisces (Sun and Moon, in absolute conjunction: she was a new moon baby) with Leo rising.
Her sun and Moon are living in the 9th house, and Mercury (in Aries) is also in conjunction. Sun and Moon are in very late Pisces, Mercury in extra early Aries, and so they get to play happily together.
She has a Grand Trine that makes a Kite. The Trine is--oho!! Well, she has what looks like a Grand trine but is sneaky and isn't really. Very interesting. It makes, actually, the coolist fish pattern imaginable, so apt for a Pisces.
And actually--yeah, let's throw in the Midheaven and we get a trine too. So the points in the Grand Trine I have just created, being all powerful like that, are Saturn in Leo, Neptune in Sagittarius, and the Midheaven in Aries. There are also some other trines going on as well. Neptune trines Venus and Saturn trines the Moon.
And the kite...that's a sextile from both Saturn and Neptune to Pluto in Libra, which is snug to the start of the 4th house (though at the end of the 3rd) and thus opposite the midheaven.
Whew.
So this is pretty fascinating-- a double Pisces (water energy) who in fact has a ton of fire going on, and reads that fire--that will towards action--through intellectual air sign Libra.
But let's try to be all rational and zip through the houses, 1 to 12, and peek at what's happening in each of these.
Leo rising comes across with great warmth, drama, flair. "Here I am, now we can have fun". But when Saturn is in Leo and in the first house, as it is here, there is a bit of a..hesitation..to that Leo brightness. Leo rising without Saturn, Leo all happy by itself, always reminds me of a pretty little child rushing into a room and dancing about, demanding attention, but in a very charming and engaging way--so that everyone stops, and does what that child wants.
Or it's like sunlight breaking through (and Leo is ruled by the sun).
But when we have Saturn at the ascendant (and actually, Eoywin, I have Saturn in my first house too, in Leo, but with Pluto leading the way and complicating my life)--there is a bit of--oh, seriousness. Sobriety. Must be good. Must behave. Must make certain that the world is in order.
First house Saturn kids often end up having a ton more responsiblity early in their life than others their age. And a first house Saturn person will generally appear, when you first meet them, as reliable, trustworthy, serious.
Saturn tells us about our fears and how we gain security; what we most want, what we most fear we can't have or will throw away. Saturn in Leo craves recognition, admiration, appreciation. This can go as far as "I need to be famous" or simply be a question of wanting to be recognized as the beautiful special soul they are. Saturn in Leo people believe in their hearts that they are special, that they are destined for something great or wonderful; it is a conviction they have from early childhood on, and they get surprised by (and upset by) situations in which they aren't recognized as being the best. At the same time, a Saturn in Leo person will rarely cop to this, or will kind of joke about it. When I was in my twenties, before my Saturn return, I would sometimes joke about "sure, what I want is fame and fortune". It wasn't a joke, though my definition of fame and fortune is pretty odd.
Saturn in Leo people may fear to fail, and therefore not take on things that they aren't already pretty good at. When I was entering school I already knew how to read (I think I was born knowing how to read--well, not really, but I was a freakishly early reader)--but I didn't know how to write the beautiful Spencerian hand my mother wrote, with exquisite shading and perfect letter formation. And I was so afraid I would be mocked for my total lack of ability.
It was a great relief to see that we were going to start with shaky block letters, and that none of my classmates had a clue that Spencerian handwriting existed.
That sort of fear, which is based I think on pride (a big Leo thing)--is quite Leo Saturn.
Leo rising is supposed to grant gorgeous hair...like, gosh, a mane. Very Dallas (perhaps before your time, actually: very Big Hair). I blame Saturn for the baby fine quality of my own hair, but it did have its moments (I just realized I cut my hair at key Saturn transits. Whoa.That's so interesting--it was long, long, long and blonde and the first time I cut and changed it--drastically--was during the Saturn opposition--at around 14 years old. And the next time--another drastic chop--at my Saturn return. I've gone through my second Saturn return and--yep, my hair is very short and henna-red--but at the start of my second Saturn return I cut it absolutely short to go back to my natural color, after years of using henna--it's a mid-mouse-brown naturally, I discovered. Amazing; I never correlated this before). Leo rising also gives an air of natural nobility.
Eoywin has her Saturn conjunct Pallas in Leo in the first house. Now, having Pallas in the first house makes other people expect you are going to be a problem solver, and it does give a wonderful ability to do that, to see patterns, to figure things out.
But Saturn here makes it a little hard to realize you can do that. People with this pattern need to work on their self confidence, a lot, and when they are learning or trying out things they need to practice a lot. But once they have learned something--they've got it; it is theirs and they can build on it strongly.
Saturn/Pallas trine Neptune give a great ability to take visionary or poetic or compassionate and imaginative projects and give them form, work with them, make them real.
The second house here is also Leo cusped, and having doubled signs makes us realize (well, makes me realize, anyway, and a bit late in the game) that Eoywin must have intercepted signs as well. And those are *peers at chart* Sagittarius and Gemini in the 5th and 11th houses. We'll talk about that as we get there.
Meanwhile, having Leo as the sign on the 2nd house tells us that she really, really treasures those Leo attributes: nobility, warmth, courage, generousity. The best in herself, the best in others, the best of whatever it is she most wants, most values. Drama, passion. Nothing pallid, nothing all humdrum. And this can be on all sorts of levels--from the mundane (in which she might well have expensive tastes--or at least an eye for the very best. Well, of course she does, she's involved with Black Phoenix for goodness sakes)--to the very--esoteric, in which she may wish to actualize a life that is centered on leadership for the good of others (her "loyal subjects").
Virgo is the sign on the 3rd house. Here we find Ceres and Pluto, both in Libra. So there's a fine mind, and a devotion and care towards siblings or people like siblings in the life; there is a discernment and precision in her communication and learning style (she probably is very fond of books). Intellectual, a bit earnest, very charming. Takes her relationships to those close to her quite seriously. She may have taken care of her brothers and sisters, or she may well have been cared for by siblings more than by parents in her childhood; the sibling relationship, for her, is a source of strength. (this can be true even if one doesn't have actual siblings; one will then enter into sibling-like relationships with friends, and often long term ones; life long). Someone with a 3rd house Ceres may find she can communicate in a very nurturing fashion, that her words and her manner of communication soothes others, makes them feel loved and secure. (and back to books--a 3rd house Ceres would be nurtured by literature or other forms of communication).
Pluto in the 3rd house gives tremendous power to words. If you have Pluto in the 3rd your words--writen, spoken, whatever--have the power to heal, and the power to harm. Even a casual comment may strike to someone's heart. Now, this is a great thing for someone who is a writer of course; but it works for anyone, and the Pluto person needs to be aware of it. No, you don't have to go around giving sermons and never saying a cross word--but be aware. Relationships with neighbors, siblings, those like siblings are never lukewarm if you have Pluto in the 3rd. Very intense: love or hate (or both ). The Pluto in Libra generation, as I've said dozens of times here, is remaking our concepts of beauty and marriage, of justice, of harmony. And they seem to be doing a marvellous job of it, really. They were born as this energy started surging in the world, and they are exemplifying and extending it (and I love the Pluto in Libra generation--but that may be because I've got a lot of Libra in my own chart, and they stir me up )
Pluto is close to the start of the 4th house, house of home and where we build our foundations, of our roots, the start and end of life. Being here Pluto is also opposite the midheaven, and the energy may permeate both the home and the career. Power, and perhaps power struggles in both arenas.
Libra is the sign on the 4th. Eoywin has her North Node of the Moon in Libra in the 4th house (the south node is in Aries in the 10th house). She also has Uranus in Scorpio in the 4th house.
So, if you have a sense of Libra you will know that someone with a Libra 4th house would like a lovely home; beauty is the heart of what Libra needs and loves and with her Ceres in Libra Eoywin is nurtured by the beautiful; when all else is terrible in her life--which I certainly hope doesn't happen much--something beautiful can lift her heart. This is true of anyone who has some strong Libra in their chart--and someone with Pluto in Libra will be able to find that beauty in unlikely places. But Libra also needs justice like the air she breathes--so a Libra 4th house person is going to want to have things harmonious and fair within her household. And she is likely to want to have books, art, the "finer things" around her. And--if possible--a dear partner in the home.
But she also has that Uranus in Scorpio in the 4th (we'll talk about the nodes of the moon later) which makes it kind of likely that--well, there's a couple things here. People with Uranus in the 4th may have had kind of unsettled childhoods (moving a lot, or kind of eccentric or unsteady people in the home)--and people with a 4th house Uranus may have a lot of ease with the world of computers, technology, new ideas, new concepts: they feel "at home" in that world.
Uranus in Scorpio is very very difficult to shock (and doesn't mind being a bit shocking herself). May have (in the 4th house) a fondness for very odd people, who become "part of the family".
Uranus makes only one connection to other planets in the chart--that is a square to the first house Saturn. So Eoywin may feel a kind of pull between her need to be "responsible" and structured and her need to be wild and untamed and not boxed in, not bound by how other people want to define her. As with all Uranus/Saturn connections, the way to work with this is to either do things that are based on tradition in new ways, or to take wild new concepts and put strong structure around them--thus getting the best of both sides.
Might also be a case of being more--apparently sober and straight in public and in the privacy of her home being really a bit wild and eccentric. Sort of.."oh, if they only knew!" icon_twisted.gif
Scorpio is the sign on the 5th house, and Sagittarius is in interception here. This is where the nice Neptune in Sagittarius is. So, this is the house of children, falling in love, fun and games, creative expression, etc. And Scorpio here certainly gives a lot of intensity and passion to all that--but with the intercepted Sagittarius there may be a tendency to get swamped in the emotional flow, in the personalized intensity of life--and not see the--huger perspective, how the personal connects to the grand scheme of things--and not to know quite how to get from "I feel this deeply" to "I can act on my passions in this way..." The location of Jupiter in the chart (the Sagittarian ruler) will give some key as to where she might indeed act on those passions, and we find Jupiter in the 11th house in Taurus. (so perhaps with a little help from her friends...*cue old music* or in groups of some sort, or when she is clear about her life goals. Interestingly the 11th house is where the other intercepted sign, Gemini, is...but we'll get there).
Neptune in Sagittarius, beloved of animals everywhere, so idealistic, so intuitive, so sparked with the fire of good intentions, does make connections out of this intercepted sign--so Eoywin's imagination and sympathy are likely very strongly expressed in her life; at first meeting her, and through her public image or career (the midheaven) as well.
Neptune is trine Venus, and this is one of the signs of the romantic, the dreamer, the poet (of course, a double Pisces is all that and more, and we haven't even reached the sun and moon yet). Tends to idealize her beloveds; sees always the best in them and since Neptune in the 5th is also about how we see our kids or those in our lives who are like our children, is likely to be very sympathetic towards her children (or those in that place in her life), seeing them in the best possible light. Sometimes in spite of "fact". (it's a charming trait, I see nothing wrong with it, but Neptune and Venus are conjunct my Sun, so of course I see this energy as very positive. And of course I have been a bit gullible in my own life sometimes...but I'd rather see the pretty rainbows and the excellence than settle for thinking everything was terrible and seeing the worst in my loves. So there.)
Capricorn is the sign on the house of work, health, service to others. Here's where the responsibility we see in the first house Saturn comes out very strongly: in work, or when others rely on her, she is solid. She is going to follow through; she's in for the long term and you can really count on her. Can be ambitious, and isn't afraid of things that might take a while. And even though she has all that floaty magic Pisces stuff going on she is probably quite well organized in the work situation, or when people are counting on her. (she could be all fuzzy and living in piles of interesting projects in her personal life, but if others need her she will come through for them, and take charge, often.)
Aquarius is the sign on the house of marriage and partnership. Someone with an Aquarian 7th house, however romantic they may be, needs to have a rather unusual degree of space in her partnerships and marriage/s (or marriage-like situations). This is not the "I want always to be with my partner, oh, cuddly-wuddly sweetums" sort of energy. Needs intellectual partnership as well as emotional/physical; will not stay in a relationship long if it doesn't engage her mind. And may have kind of unusual, eccentric, very bright people as partners. This house is about all sorts of partnership--doesn't have to be simply marriage/romance. (with Uranus in the 4th house I'm wondering if her husband--assuming she has one--has a bunch of Aquarius in his chart; that wouldn't be surprising).
8th house is also Aquarian, and has Mars in Aquarius within it (another indication that she could be strongly drawn to Aquarian guys in her life). Someone with an Aquarian 8th house is very--curious and unafraid of all the primal energies, the themes of death, karma, sexuality, the occult, inheritance, etc. "Wow, that's so fascinating!" It can be a pretty intellectual approach--though having Mars here will give some passion. Mars in Aquarius is really--well, if you are having a battle (usually of wits, not of cudgels) with someone with Mars in Aquarius, you don't know where the next blow is coming from. They strategize amazingly and in ways no one else would possibly imagine (and thus, they often win). Mars is square Jupiter, which could lead to some overenthusiasm: whee!!! I know, let's go have fun jumping around the cliffs of doom. (again, probably more in a virtual world here, or in intellectual sorties than in actual physical risk taking. But it could be physical too.).
Might be impatient, with Jupiter increasing the Mars energy.
9th house is Piscean, and this is indeed where the Pisces Sun and Moon are hanging out. Also where Mercury in Aries is trying to tempt the sun and moon into adventures. So this is the house of exploration and travel (travel in the mind, travel through education, travel that actually involves hopping a train somewhere). It's the house of searching, pressing the boundaries, trying to figure stuff out. Spiritual search, advanced learning, that sort of thing.
Where our Sun or Moon is gives us a sense of where and how we figure out our identity: the Sun having to do with our conscious self, and the Moon with our inward, emotional qualities.
And where our Mercury shows up tells us where our mind expresses itself freely, tells us a bit about the quality of our mind and what gets our interest and attention.
So, for Eoywin, all of these are within the realm of exploration,travel, learning. And with a Pisces twist, which would mean that it probably isn't a question of "must memorize all the facts I can find" so much as it is "must let my imagination soar, must use my intuition". Pisces on the 9th house is all about imagination, illusion, poetry, tales of yore, dragons and magic and mythic, mystic sorts of adventures. If travel is important to Eoywin, as it is likely to be--actual travel--then the astrologers would say that she might enjoy best of all travel near or on water--a vacation in the Greek isles would be very pleasant.
Oh, Pisces. So lovely, so sympathetic, so talented and poetic and interesting. (so much the fatal attractions of my life, oh dear).
I think the water signs in general are misunderstood or overly simplified by pop astrology--you know, scary Scorpio, mommy Cancer and drunk and self destructive Pisces.
(maybe you didn't know a thing about pop astrology and are now stunned, sorry!).
Pisces is Neptune ruled, and Neptune is all about illusion and fluidity and mists and things not quite being as they seem, about magic, about fey energy. People often get very confused by Pisces, because it can be a very chameleon and shifting sort of sign, kind of will o the wisp, kind of like the rainbows in foam on the seashore--you try to hold onto them, they vanish.
Pisces rules the feet, and you will often find that Pisces people or people with strong Pisces elements in their chart are fine dancers and enjoy this a lot (Nureyev, the wonderful Russian ballet dancer was a Pisces). Pisces has a kind of...faraway quality to it; you may have your Pisces friend right in the room, but look--her eyes are unfocused, she is staring out the window...she is really somewhere else entirely, in some dream or some fantasy or some interesting and strange thought.
Lots of empathy in Pisces, and you will often find Pisces involved in helping others (sometimes in so called "helping professions" but in any case, if there is a heart torn by the sorrows of the world, it is probably a Pisces heart--wanting to reach out and care for the unfortunates). Pisces can be maddening to people who don't quite understand the fluidity and sensitivity, because...well, you can have a nice conversation with a Pisces and go away believing you've agreed on something and later find out--nope, the Pisces was fascinated by what you were saying or planing and didn't want to hurt you or disappoint you, so...better to not directly say a thing.
It's that empathy; you have to really work with a Pisces Moon person in particular to get them to up front say "no, that's not happening" or "hey, your idea sucks" (well, they might not put it like that). And they might resent being put on the spot, actually--why are you making them make you feel bad??
(disclaimer: note fatal attraction of astrologer to Pisces and fill in many experiences that ended in tears. Usually Piscean tears, actually. Oh lord, the flashbacks).
Imagination is the life blood for Pisces; to use imagination, intuition, to dream, to connect emotions and learning, to tell stories, to understand stories...this is what Pisces needs and thrives in.
Now, for Eoywin, the addition of an Aries Mercury to her strong double Pisces nature adds some interesting zap. She may be more able than most of her sign to cut through the tenderness and just blurt the truth; certainly she will have tremendous intellectual drive, and possibly a strong need for physical expression as well.
Mercury in the 9th house gives a mind that loves to go very far, to ask questions and more questions. Mercury in Aries wants quick understanding, quick answers, gets impatient if she has to wait around.
Saturn is trine the Moon and the Sun, and this may well indicate (besides an underlying ability to keep going, and to try to get everything right, to get the foundation down well) that Eoywin may have some strong older friends and mentors throughout her life, who help her become the wonderful person she truly is meant to be, who draw out her best abilities, who help her remember her courage, her strength, her vitality.
Aries is the midheaven sign, the sign that starts the 10th house. In this house of public image, career, calling (oldtimers sometimes called it the House of Fame, and doesn't that sound promising?) And we have Venus in Aries here, and Chiron in Aries. Venus is conjunct the South Node of the Moon.
So, in public, Eoywin is viewed as something of a leader (what with Aries here) or as a solitary, an independent--rushing ahead, getting involved in new things, having new ideas. With Venus in the 10th house whatever she does in public looks good (literally and metaphorically) and she herself looks good doing it; public scrutiny brings out her most attractive side, and a lot of her affectionate nature. Venus in Aries can be quite, um, forthright about her passions (far from the delicate maiden that Pisces is supposedly--supposedly, mind you; Pisces can be quite, ahem, passionate). Very "hi, you are sexy, let's go do something....fun." There is a healthy glow of sexuality to Venus in Aries. No, not that the Venus in Aries people are out there dragging everyone off to ravish them--but they could now and again entertain the thought, and they give off a great, healthy glow.
Chiron is here just a couple degrees away from Venus (well, 5 degrees.) Usually I use a 2 degree orb for the asteroids, but with Chiron I sometimes give a bit more room--it just feels as if I should (most astrology programs use a 10 degree orb overall--sorry if this is sounding like jargon. It should, because it is).
When Venus and Chiron are conjunct, particularly in the 10th house, right in open view of the world, it is very seductive, very tender, very appealing. There is a fragility and an innocence and a wistful longing that surrounds the Venus/Chiron person. It's sort of like "oh, you'd be so much fun to besmirch and corrupt" in a way--like bad Victorian porn with damsels with pale skin and bruised eyes. So you can see how this combo could sometimes lead to...problems or adventures, and particularly in the chart of a tender Piscean soul with strong Neptune contact to her Venus; this energy might attract people for really the wrong reasons (okay, that is uncharacteristically judgmental for my nice Libra soul--but really, sometimes it does attract people who do not necessarily want the best for the Venus/Chiron person).
Kurt Cobain had this, and so did Marilyn Monroe (and my darling mother--I know it very well; darling mom was born the same day and year as Marilyn). So if you think of that quality they both share--that sense of beautiful woundedness--you'll get a feeling for what this can be like.
Aries Chiron has this odd feeling of nonexistence. Chiron tells us about the bruised points in our soul, where we learn, from which we might be able to reach out to others. For the Aries Chiron it's all about "where am I when I am not involved with/doing things for/being seen by--others" and especially "my dear partner". So an Aries Chiron will kind of look for confirmation; there is this inward..unsteadiness. But, the great thing about these people is that they are magnificient at getting other people to believe in themselves. These are the "you can do anything!" people who are great coaches, great mentors, excellent friends and guides. They can pour out so much enthusiasm, so much confidence for other people.
Chiron in the 10th house people (like Ceres in the 10th) are often called upon to take care of others when they are in public, and may have careers that include healing or an element of "yes, I will make it all better for you". Sometimes 10th house Chiron people seem to end up taking care of everyone--except themselves.
They can be very ambitious, but there is sometimes a block--you will see the person who meant to be a great singer, but who needed to attend to the needs of family; or the person who left school because someone needed them. This isn't always the case, but it does turn up.
Now, for Eoywin, her south node is here in the 10th house conjunct Venus; there is an ease with being in public (even though she is a lovely floaty Pisces soul, and sometimes the Pisces people don't like being stared at overmuch--but then, there is that Leo rising and Leo Saturn--so sure, give her the spotlight). And there is a sense of "my love is my destiny" when Venus is conjunct a node; at the south node sometimes there is a need to really cling to the beloved, a fear of loss here: omigod, something is going to take this away. Insecurity. The lesson and challenge of the north node in the 4th house is one of achieving security and delight; making one's place in the world, understanding what true partnership is about, claiming space for oneself and for those one loves so very dearly. And understanding (with a Libra north node) how justice and partnership and beauty mesh. What's the sacred marriage in the universe?
The 11th house, house of friendships, group activities, and life goals, has Taurus as its cusp sign. Gemini is intercepted here. In Taurus are the Black Moon Lilith and Jupiter, and they are in conjunction. A Taurus 11th house person is very loyal to her friends and her groups, wants solidity there. Lilith in Taurus is the earth mother personified; the inner power that Eoywin carries is very much sensual abundance and "come and eat and see that the world is good" energy. Very tactile, very much sensory, very much the Empress (do you know the Tarot at all Eoywin?). And this energy is most apparent in her friendships and group activities. It is amplified by having Jupiter conjunct. Jupiter in Taurus can be quite--material girl--but at best is generous and full hearted and in touch with the wonders of the world. Often good with plants, good at getting all sorts of things to grow and bloom (in reality or symbolically).
And steady. This Taurus energy is very steady. However there's all that Gemini just fizzing and bubbling and wanting to get out: the need to communicate, the need to connect, the need to move around and not be required to stay in one place all the time, the need for freedom of expression and freedom of thought.
When Gemini/Sagittarius is intercepted it is movement and communication that are sometimes hard to get going in the life; it is a question of knowing when and how to make one's move, when to just jump into things, when & how to communicate what one has so carefully learnt. With the double Pisces in the 9th house some of this may be about spiritual search and knowledge; a double Pisces in the 9th might be quite tied to a spiritual sense or religious base; the self may be connected to that sense of the divine or whatever one wishes to call this, to the identity of the soul (does that make sense?) and the question in the interception is...how do I express that best?
Cancer is the 12th house sign and Vesta is here. The need for one's own nurturing might be put aside by a 12th house Cancer person--as with that Venus/Chiron link there is a desire to care for everything, everyone--but to sometimes ignore ones own deepest needs.
Vesta in the 12th house (Vesta in Cancer gives a lot of what used to be called "domestic arts" skills)--Eoywin needs to make sure she gets out, gets into wide places, doesn't get trapped even in places she loves. For her mental and physical health she requires time outside and time away from the demands of other people. Vesta in the 12th house people have a tendency to kind of hole up, and this tendency gets worse if they are under stress--and that's the worst thing for them ("I will never ever leave my little cubicle, it is safe here"). Just remember this. (might not be a problem now, but tuck it away, okay?)
I mentioned early on that there is a Kite in this chart. That is the Grand trine plus two sextile connections from Saturn and Neptune to the Libra Pluto. This bodes very well for a sort of transformative and--kind of dramatic--self expression. Might be excellent for a writer.
So, Transits: (I'm slow to see these things, btw--I'm not a great "oh, look, next weekend you will win the lottery" sort of astrologer). The most significant one I see coming up, which is already starting to shift Eoywin's world a bit, would be Uranus in Pisces in her 9th house.
Transiting Uranus is currently within orb (getting close to) her Sun/Moon/Mercury group.
When Uranus hits either our Sun or our Moon (and most certainly if Uranus hits both at once!) our sense of identity gets shifted. Who are we, really? How do we know that?
Sometimes people make actual physical changes during this transit, from the very trivial to the very large, but mostly it is at an inner and emotional level. Certainly originality and downright oddness are part of a transit of Uranus, but it can also feel kind of challenging and unsettling; the ground is shifting, the old assumptions are changing, who are you really?
Knowing that Eoywin is currently pregnant--this makes a lot of sense to me, because it looks as if the actual spot on conjunction of Uranus to her triad there is going to coincide with the birth of her child. And, believe me, nothing shifts your identity quite so much as the transition to motherhood. (or it was so for me, at any rate).
(If in fact the transit of Uranus and her baby's birth are in sync, the child is going to definitely liven up her life).
The other thing a 9th house Uranus transit might do is change her beliefs, or challenge them.
The current Mercury retro is happening in her house of friendship, life goals, etc.
Neptune is, with Chiron, at the edge of her 8th house, moving back towards her 7th: idealism and healing around partnership (7th) and inheritance, sexuality, karmic things (8th house). (*counts on fingers to see when baby should be here*)...I think maybe Neptune will be shifting direct around the birth time, that should be quite interesting. It will then be coming conjunct the natal Mars, which always has a kind of destined feel to it "oh, this was meant to be"; often with love affairs (but one's children are a love affair of a different sort).
Saturn is opposite Mars right now, might be a sense of having energy held back, not being able to do as one wishes, needing to be more careful than one wishes. Saturn's in the 2nd house, so financial issues might be at the forefront too.
Transiting Mars is trine Neptune in the chart; again the sense of being at a time of destiny, having things change in one's life in good ways mostly, but there is this sense of being--pulled along by the changes.
Pluto is currently squaring the Sun/Moon/Mercury group. This one is pretty challenging--you can have other people thinking you are just on the top of your game, but you yourself are full of various inexplicable pangs and pains and worries and insomnia (insomnia is very common with this one). Yet to others you appear so powerful, so in charge, so vibrant. It's a frustrating transition--it does indeed get you in touch with your own power, but the process can feel like being thrown against a wall a bunch: lots of bruising there in the emotions and sometimes actually in the body (maybe not bruises, but real aches). You need to use all your life management skills to get through this one--baby steps, little things: eat, drink, take frequent breaks if you can, try to care for yourself in every possible way. The transit will pass, you will be stronger, but for now you need to treat it as a day by day process of caring.
Jupiter is midway through the 6th house, expanding, giving opportunities in work and in health. This would certainly be a help with basic wellness.
So, one of the prettiest and most unusual charts I've seen, Eoywin; ask any questions you like. wub2.gif
As I was adding up numbers today, I began to think about math. I know lots of kids piss and moan to their parents about how they will never use math, and such.
I use math every day, at least at work. Of course, I do have my handy dandy calculator to help me out.
But the more I thought about it, I realized we use math in play too. If I didn't know how to add and multiply, I'd have no idea how much damage I did to the bad guys in the roleplaying campaign I play in.
I really don't like Mother's Day since I don't have a mother. My mom passed away on August 8, 2002 from cancer.
Every since then, Mother's Day really makes me sad. This year hasn't bothered me too much until I just read a post about a mom surprising her daughter with a visit. Reading that made me want to cry, because that's something my mom would have done.
I was 25 when I lost my mom, an adult, but barely. She didn't get to come to my wedding (or my sister's), and she won't be here when her grandchildren are born.
My dad remarried last year, and I'm super happy for him. But I barely know his wife, mostly because their entire courtship happen after Todd and I move to NC.
I like Todd's mom okay, but we will never be close because of the distance and because she is really, really opionated, and I don't share her views all of the time (we had several fights about the wedding because she wanted to do things different).
I'm sad because I'm not really close to any of my family. My sister is so self absorbed that she never returns my phone calls when I call, stating that she is always too busy to have a phone conversation. She doesn't reply to emails often either. Todd's brother is married, but his wife is super shy, and even though I try to talk to her when we are together for family get together's, she never really responses.
If anything happened to Todd, I don't know what I would do. I don't really have much of a support system, at least as family is concerned.
Anyway, I'll stop being emo for today
I have a cat named Star, and we've had him since March. I love my cat very much, so I'm worried how he is going to react when we bring home another kitten.
We briefly had another pet, a puppy back in March, and that did not go well. Star and the puppy did not get along. We didn't take the puppy back because of that, it was because the puppy bit Todd in the face, and kept going for our faces.
So, since then Star has been the king of the house (pet-wise anyway ). Now that the wedding is over, we are going to get another cat. I want a kitten since I think it will adjust better if it's younger.
But I'm not sure how Star is going to act. He's going to have to get used to having other pets around (Todd wants us to have 2 cats and 2 dogs eventually), but I've been kinda dragging my feet on getting the new kitten.
Todd and I are friends with another married couple, A & J. They are pretty much my only friends thus far in Asheville. We get along with them rather well, and every Sunday night we go to their house to role play.
When we started last fall, J was the storyteller. Well, a couple of months ago, A started to run a game. She hadn't really run a campaign before, so we all have tried to cut her some slack.
Except J gets pissed at something she does nearly every week she runs. They get into a fight nearly every week.
Yesterday, A was busy with my character, because my character ran away from the rest of the group. Well, J was pissed that A didn't ask what he was doing, even though he could have easier said "I'm doing this and this" which is what Todd and I would have done if the scene at the time wasn't focused on our characters.
So, J pouted and picked up his gameboy. And then A posted in her lj that she felt like she was the most horrible storyteller ever, because she did badly.
Their dramamongering makes me feel like rolling my eyes. They need to realize that it's just a game. Unfortunely, they take these games really seriously!
I really need to find some more friends in Asheville, or maybe another game to play in.
I'm tired and cranky, and I did a horrible thing.
I bitched to Todd about his parents, about things I thought he agreed with, and now seemingly he is angry with me.
So, now I'm crying at work, and I just feel like the world's most horrible person.
The worst thing, is I won't really get to talk to him until Friday, because our differing schedules, and I have no friends to really vent to.
I'm just worn out, tired, and seemingly everyone (including Todd) thinks I shouldn't be. Planning a wedding by yourself is hard, and my job is hard and stressful too. But no-one thinks that I need or deserve a break, which is what this past weekend was suppose to be..
Or at the very least, a lazy one.
I used to keep records of who got who in each swap... but the last few ones, I've gotten lazy.
Mostly because my free time is pretty limited, so I quickly try and get everyone's assignments out quick as possible... and sometimes I do that at work.
From now on, I'll have to keep that information...
I feel badly about not having it for the several swaps in motion right now. Thank goodness I don't really have any swaps between now and the wedding (though I'll probably start the Halloween card signups before I leave for the wedding).
Actually, I am frumpy. Mostly because I'm too poor to redo my whole wardrobe, I'm chunky, and I'm lazy.
Most of the time, I'm okay with this, because I can throw on a bpal tee, cute pants, and cute shoes, and feel better about myself, and the hubby loves me for me...
But it's been bothering me more lately.
Partly because we have Todd's cousin's wedding to go to in June, and I don't want to look like the frumpy wife - I want to look like the semi-hot newlywed.
Alas, I have no close girlfriends, and the girl who I'm the closest friends with is even more frumpy than I am.
And I don't trust my own judgement - I picked out an outfit for my dad's wedding last June, and looking at the pictures afterwards made me cringe since I looked terribly fat and unattractive
So, now I have about 6 weeks to find an outfit for the wedding in June, and I'm afraid I'll look like crap again.
And don't get me started on my hair - that's been bugging me too.
Any help/advice would be appreciated - I love a new hair cut, but I've been burned by haircuts before, and have no idea what would look good on me. And obviously my taste in clothes is not the best.
I feel bad that:
I didn't make the picture slideshow on my cousin's Myspace page, and that there are two pictures of my selfish sister on there.
my husband's eBay auctions aren't going to sell.
my kitty loves my husband more than me.
my mom is gone, and lots of people still have theirs.
I know I tend focus on the bad stuff sometimes, so I thought I'd list some good stuff that has happened in the last day or so.
- Mailed out 99% of the wedding invitations last night! The remaining 5 or so, are Todd's friends, and it's up to him to get the addresses. I wanted the rest to go out now, so people have a chance of having their wedding invitation before the shower.
- Had an awesome time at game last night. We had a very long game session yesterday, and it was one of the most fun games I've played. I'm really interested to see where it goes.
- My friend, Carly, is coming to my shower!! I'm so excited!
- Getting a manicure this coming Friday - since my plane is arriving in Saginaw at noon, we are going to have a bunch of time to kill before my bach. party, so my aunt and I will be going to the mall to get manicures
That's pretty much it for now.. I'm going to try and relax tonight -I'm going to get me some Panera Bread (French Onion soup is my sicky comfort food) and watch some 7th Heaven and Live Action Sailor Moon.
I live in haunted house... or more to the point, I pee in a haunted bathroom.
For the first few months we lived in the house, nothing weird happened. It was just a plain ole house.
But a few months ago, I noticed that the bathroom door would swing shut by itself, even if there was no air (like ac or a window open) running through the house. I thought it was rather weird, but didn't think much of it.
Well, it stopped for a while, but started back up again recently. I remarked to Todd that I thought the bathroom was haunted, and he looked at me and said "I was just going to say that."
Luckily, I don't get a bad vibe from the ghost, and he/she doesn't really bother me. Pretty much all he/she does is close the bathroom door.
I'm flying to Michigan tomorrow... and I'm really getting nervous about it.
The last time I fly was May 2000 when we took our last family vacation to Arizona, so it was before 9/11.
And this is the first time I will be flying by myself.
I'm an adult, and such, but being by myself and flying is starting to freak me out.
I'm afraid that I won't find my gate, I'm afraid I'll miss my flight when I have my layover, and I'm afraid no-one will be there to meet me.
I hope it turns out better than I'm thinking!
We got up very early on Friday morning, ran a couple of errands (Todd had to go to the bank and we got breakfast at McDonald's), and were on our way.
The journey itself was rather uneventful - it's very easy to get to Disney from NC. It's nearly a straight shot.
Unfortunely we hit Orlando just at rush hour, so it took us longer than it should have to get to our resort. I amused myself by taking pictures of the disney billboards.
Finally we made it through the traffic and we entered Walt Disney World property!
We managed to find our resort, Caribbean Beach Resort, and found the place to check in. The line to check in was kinda long but moved quickly. When we got up to the counter, I was very excited, so I told the lady who waited on us that we were on our honeymoon. She gave us pins that said 'Just Married' (which isn't exactly true, but we guessed that it was close enough ). I was a little surprised when Todd put his on right away. I, of course, did too
We got our 'Keys to the World' which was our room key, our park tickets and how we paid for the dining plan, and our room number, so we headed to the room.
Our section of the resort was Jamaica - which I was pretty geeked about because I had read that it was one of the best 'islands' to be in. We found our room with ease, and we unpacked and vegged out for a bit.
Here's some room and resort pictures!
After we got unpacked we headed to the building that had the food court, gift shop, and the sit down restaurant, Shutters. It was called 'Old Port Royale'. I didn't make reservations for this night because I wasn't sure how we'd feel after that 9 hour drive. We asked if we could get into Shutters without a reservation, and they said we could, but it would be a 45 minute wait. We decided to wait and it gave us time to browse the gift shop.
Once we got seated, our server noticed our pins and said congratulations - we got a ton of people saying this throughout the week. Mostly cast members, but some regular guests too.
We got sparkling wine for free, because we were on our honeymoon, which was neat (though it made me a little tipsy). We were on the dining plan, which gave us 1 counter service (like fast food), 1 sit down meal, and one snack each day. With the sit down meal, we got an appetizer, an entrée, a dessert and a drink (non alcoholic). That is a lot of food!
Our dinner was very good - we both had prime rib, and we were so stuffed we had to take our cheesecake back to the room (we did have a mini fridge so it didn't go bad).
We went back to the room, vegged out, and went to sleep fairly early.
Next time - Magic Kingdom and Ohana!
We originally were going to go to Europe this year for our honeymoon... then realized how expensive it is to go to Europe (we are currently planning on Fall '09 for our European vacation).
Then we were going to go to Vegas Spring '07 for a mini-honeymoon, which I thought would be fun, but it was Todd who really wanted to go to Vegas.
At the end of July last year, Todd got very sick with a stomach bug, and he was sleeping in our guest bed because it was more comfortable (and closer to the ground / waste basket). We were in there, near the end of his sickness, and he, out of the blue, gave me the option of either going to Vegas or going to Disney World.
I didn't really have to think about it at all - DISNEY!!
Last time I was at Disney World I was 16 years old. My parents decided on a whim that we were going to go to Disney over Christmas. They decided like 2 months before hand, and we had an awesome time. I know that we went during the busiest week of the year, but there was only one ride we couldn't go on - The Little Mermaid ride in MGM. So, I'm dragging Todd on there, so I can say I finally went on it.
Anyway, I had been wanting to go back to Disney for a while. I really wanted to go as an adult with no kids, so we could do all the 'adult' like rides.
So we decided to go to Disney over our honeymoon. We will be there from Sept. 28 to Oct. 6th.
Of course, being the way I am, I am really excited, even though it's 8 months away. Todd thinks I'm crazy.
But I managed to tie sit him down, and we have a kind of plan of what we want to do each day. He also gave me free reign to pick out the places we are going to make reservations at, because he doesn't think it's necessary.
Of course, going to Disney for 8 days and staying at a moderate resort (we are staying onsite at the Port Orleans Riverside resort) is expensive. So, we planned on using our tax refund to fund the trip.
We did our taxes today and we are getting enough back to fund the whole trip!
So, I'm really looking forward to it. I hope the next 8 months fly by!
I think I'm becoming a Bridezilla
I keep having wedding related breakdowns, and I just want it to stop!
I snapped at Todd last night, and freaked out when he said that he oops'ed and didn't put a stamp on one of the response cards (I thought he had said 'some').
I really stressed out... there isn't enough time to relax or veg, and since my in-laws are coming to visit over the 4th, I won't have any days off until Labor Day.
I had been looking forward to the 4th, but now I'm not. Originally I had hoped to do all the invitations during the two days we have off, but now I have to be the hostess with the mostess for my in-laws.
It makes me tired and crabby just thinking about it.
Today has not been good.
First, I was doing laundry earlier this afternoon, and Todd had put our new lawnmover in the laundry room. I had moved it out to get to the dryer, and as I was walking out, I crashed into it - smashed the toes on my left foot, and I was wearing sandels. My toes are still hurting, worse then before, so I'm having a hard time walking.
Then the power went out, which irritated me to no end - they are working on the water lines in our neighborhood. It was out for a couple hours, in which time all I could do was find a book and read.
When the power came back on, I got a glass of orange pop, the last in the bottle. Which I presided to spill everywhere, by knocking it over.
After I had cleaned that mess up, I resumed the laundry, which included trying to get the base dress for my Dragon*Con costume white. I got some RIT color taking away stuff, and it didn't work at all. So I just turned the washer back on and dumped what little bleach we had into the washer. If that doesn't work, I'll buy another bottle of bleach at Ingles tomorrow and try that... if that doesn't work, I'll have to hit some thrift stores, and look for a new dress. Blargh!!
Now I have to do the dishes before Todd comes home in an hour, and hope my toes stop hurting soon.
And I still have a migraine!
Here's some picture from my birthday!
This is a few pictures of my Disney-fied cube (people at my work are big into decorating cubes for birthdays):
And here's one from Lunch - We went to a Mexican place, hence the hat. That's my hubby, Todd, next to me:
