I want to get a job to support my BPAL habit. . . and that's probably the worst reason for wanting to get a job.

I know I've mentioned anxiety in the past, but it's really, really bad. Paired with depression, it caused me to have several years that are mostly a blur of misery to me. I sort of crawled into myself and gave up. It's a whole big long sad story that I'm not up to rehashing at the moment, but it resulted in me applying and receiving disability from social security. I really just didn't have it in me to hold down a job. At that point, I was lucky to care enough to brush my teeth. I haven't worked in seven years. Getting a job would be spreading myself too thin, combined with school. I know most people can do both, but I'm just not that strong. It's frustrating, but I'm getting my feet under me.

I'm sorely tempted to look for a job right now. Sorely. And I know I'm not ready. But I'm tired of having to budget every penny and I'm tired of feeling guilty for buying perfume, and I'm generally grouchy right now.

I'm excited that I'm getting Katharina, though! (My husband's still unhappy about it, which makes me tense.)

I am tired, tired, tired. And I'm in need of brushing of teeth and snuggling with the boy.

'Night, chickies.