I came to a realization yesterday, after emailing back and forth with my sister.

My family is so absorbed in their own lives, that they couldn't give two shits about my wedding (and me).

My sister doesn't want to do anything that will put her out in the least (like sleeping on the floor for one night - the night before my wedding), and thinks that my gameplan for the wedding day is dumb. Oh, and she thinks is stupid to have my MIL be our hair dresser (she's really quite good, and free).

My sister and I have never gotten along, since we are like night and day. She was the one obssessed with popularity in high school, where I was the shy, quiet, geeky girl. My sister has also never grown out of the phase where she thinks she is always right (therefore, I'm always wrong).

My dad changed a lot after my mom died, which is to be expected. Except he changed into someone who is very self-absorbed. He made my life more miserable when my headaches first started, because I was living at home, and he'd wouldn't believe that I was feeling as sick as I did. He'd goad me into fights, even though he'd know that if I got too upset and cried too much, it would trigger a migraine-worthy headache that would land me in the hospital.

He got married in June, and doesn't really bother with me anymore. He'll call if he wants something, but that's it. He'll go with his wife to Philly to visit her daugther (they have done this several times in the last year), but he has yet to come and visit me.

Plus he ditched me when we were moving, to meet his now wife for the first time. That really hurt, because I really needed his help.

I'm not a selfish person. I'd do anything for my friends, but this quality seems to be a rare one, and one that drives people away.

I used to have a group of friends, but they all decided enmasse that they didn't want to be friends with me. Apparently, asking them to call or email once a month or so, so I didn't always have to be the one calling / emailing / visiting was too much for them. I would have done anything for them, because they were my friends, but instead all they did was ditch me and hurt me, and then say horrible things on lj after I said I no longer wanted to be friends with them.

So, for some reason people don't like me. I have two friends now, but we aren't super close. I've really tried to make new friends, but I haven't been sucessful in the least.

Now that I realize that my family really doesn't want that much to do with me either, I have to wonder why I'm such an undesirable person to be around.