I understand shame and guilt, trust me - I do. And I understand knowing that maybe you wouldn't feel so badly if you ended up with that person whom you loved so desperately...I don't think that makes you a bad person, (or me) I think that just makes us human.

The way that I see this, you didn't "make" him do anything. He chose to do it, and if you hadn't been on the scene, something else probably would have been the impetus to leave that relationship. It might have been another person, or a job that took him far away, or something. It's probably good that you didn't end up with this guy, because it sounds like the relationship drained too much out of you, and your Mister is so good for you. But you didn't force the other guy into anything, he wanted to go there, and things like that happen... often, a lot more than we suspect.

ETA: What's the little speech that Nicholas Cage gives in "Moonstruck" when they're walking home from the opera? He says something to the effect that "we're not here to make things perfect. We are here to ruin ourselves and love the wrong people...." I've always remembered the gist of that speech because it's such an honest portrayal of what we're all about. So like indarkmoon said, things like this make us human, and you can't feel too guilty about that.

I didn't mean to sound like I wish I had ended up with him- It wasn't a good relationship, and he wasn't good for me. I love my husband dearly and I know we are perfect together, but my first real encounter with love had a huge impact on my current experience of love. When I say he polished the moon for me, it's to sort of get across the feeling that I may as well have been 14 years old, for all the safeguards I had around my heart.

I know I was just a part of the catalyst, but I would prefer it if somebody else had been there instead, and I'd had the strength to just walk away. But I was of the opinion at the time that love was worth gambling everything for. I just didn't know.