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BPAL Madness!
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Silly people...

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goth_hobbit

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There are times when my shows at the Cafe are busy, productive, and profitable.

 

Today has not been one of those times.

 

So, I'm going to listen to Poison on the jukebox (somebody's got a fun sense of music tonight; from "Another Brick in the Wall" to this), and document some of the questions I get asked, and what I sometimes wish I could say in return. Just for the hell of it. :twisted:

 

Question: "What have you got here?"

What I say: "Handmade jewelry."

What I'd like to say: "Papayas, fishing tackle, and old socks. Oh, and the gnomes that I'm babysitting. Watch your ankles; they bite."

 

Question: "Do you make all of this yourself?"

What I say: "Yes, I do."

What I'd like to say: "No, I'm just carrying it for a friend. You know, like 9 1/2 months pregnant women who get asked if they're going to have a baby."

 

Question: "Is this stuff real?"

What I say: "Do you mean precious metal and gemstones? Yes, it is."

What I'd like to say: "No, it's all created by a prototype hologenerator. Like Star Trek. Either that, or you're having a very strange hallucination. Let me know if Hunter S. shows up, okay?"

 

Question: "Why are you here?"

What I say: "Because I've known the owner of the Cafe for years now, and it's a convenient place to set up."

What I'd like to say: "Because it's my turn to babysit the gnomes, and do you know how much amusement park tickets cost these days?"

 

Question: "Do you do tattoos?"

What I say: "No, I don't."

What I'd like to say: "Well, I've got a planishing hammer, a pearl reamer, and a Sharpie. Hold still..."

 

Question: "Don't you have any guy's jewelry?"

What I say: "Many of my designs are made to be unisex; it's just a matter of finding something that you like in the right size. And several of the antique reproduction rings are men's rings."

What I'd like to say: "Giant snarling wolves, skulls with Viking helmets, and demons, right? Bar-fight rings, in other words. There are lots of large-scale manufacturers doing that with varying degrees of success; what part of original design and antique reproduction did you misunderstand?"

 

Question: "Can you make me something in brass, with like, rivets 'n stuff?, 'Cause it'd be, like, industrial and kewl."

What I say: "I only work in precious metals; otherwise, I'd have to buy a whole new set of tools to avoid cross-contamination."

What I'd like to say: "And you wouldn't want to pay for the labor anyway."

 

Question: "Your prices aren't exactly competitive. Can't people go to (insert name of import store) and find exactly the same thing? "

What I say: ::launches into Canned Explanation of cost of silver, cost of labor, use of genuine stones, the fact that much of the silver jewelry comes from countries that don't enforce standards of metal purity, and many pieces are outright counterfeits; that I purchase raw materials directly from refineries and manufacturers in countries that enforce karat standards and do all of the work myself -- so, "no":: *

What I'd like to say: "Someone's stepping on my copyrights? Sweet! Filing a lawsuit is a lot less work than busting my hump over the workbench, and usually more profitable."

 

*(this usually results in a blank look and a response of "uh, no, I guess they can't, then...")

 

Question: "Don't you have anything more Dark and Gothick?" (pretentious spelling and capitalization added deliberately)

What I say: *points to various bats and replicas of jewelry originally owned by people who are now quite thoroughly dead*

What I'd like to say: "It costs extra to make the earrings recite Poe. Double for Bram Stoker. However, the originals that the replicas are made from are haunted, if that helps."

 

 

 

If there was one thing I learned from Jim, my Old Goat, it's that a sense of humor is a valuable addition to an independent jeweler's skill set. ^_^

 

 

 

(Note to whoever's running the jukebox tonight: this cover of "Marianne" is disturbing. Instead of Andrew Eldritch's basso drone, it has calypso guitar and breathy-voiced girl channeling every French chanteuse who's ever lived. The effect is discordantly perky. Isn't she paying any attention to the lyrics?)

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:)

 

Oh, this is why I've never had a job that involves talking to the public. 'Cuz I would want to give answers #2, but I couldn't be nearly as creative on the fly.

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I really like your replies (having just been at a craft fair in Ohio next to one dollar incense and one dollar earrings. I would like to have said many of those things but would be scared of being hauled away:) Am not much of a silversmith, but was selling my handmade (by me -DUH) laampworked bead jewelry and fused glass.

 

And now, its on to prepare for open studios!

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:)

 

It comes from years of practice. But seriously, I never had to put up with such questions when I was working for the Old Goat. Probably because people wouldn't have dreamed of saying such things in front of someone who looked that much like an irascible elderly Dwarf. (Think Gimli's father with glasses, short hair, and a neat Van Dyck beard, and you've got a pretty good image of Jim.)

 

Oh well. Coming up with new "responses" keeps me occupied, and well away from charges of aggravated assault. :)

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I really like your replies (having just been at a craft fair in Ohio next to one dollar incense and one dollar earrings. I would like to have said many of those things but would be scared of being hauled away:) Am not much of a silversmith, but was selling my handmade (by me -DUH) laampworked bead jewelry and fused glass.

 

And now, its on to prepare for open studios!

 

Yeah, I got your commiseration PM. Ouch. I was in the same boat a couple of weeks ago; a good friend who's an amazing photographer was in the booth next door, and we griped to each other about people's appalling lack of judgement with regards to quality.

 

No, heavy frames and custom mats really are better than flimsy, mass-produced mats and poly bags. (Not even Mylar; geez!) And yes, there's a lot more work involved in a pair of earrings with lost wax cast components and soldered posts than in a pair using stamped brass and fish-hook wires. And the same goes for lampworked beads versus craft catalog specials. :)

 

I think that glass art is amazing, and I'd like to learn stained glass sometime. Lampwork ...well, I think that my guy would put his foot down on account of I already come up with interesting ways in which to injure myself without adding molten glass to the equation. :) As for the open studios: my hat is off to you. I couldn't do it, because 1) my studio is at home, and I wouldn't want that many people using my bathroom, and 2) there would be even more Dumb Questions, which would just be asking for trouble with such a handy array of tools available. :)

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