I'll bet I can guess why your Mom doesn't want to go back and participate (and you sorta gave the clue). She is proud and doesn't think she's as bad off as those OTHER people in the program. If she goes, she'll be admitting or acknowledging that she is LIKE THEM.

This has happened with a couple of family members. "I don't want to go to group rehab. There are a bunch of crippled old ladies in there." Or "I won't go to dinner in the common area. I can't stand to hear those people eating." Why? "I AM NOT SICK AND OLD!"

The hell of it is that this attitude can also be a prelude to the death of them. The alternatives (no exercise, not eating where you can be seen to be eating and thus not getting enough calories) are not good.

But you might want to see if there is a group your Mom used to attend that she would be willing to attend now. Sometime being with familiar people is helpful in recovery. Or it can be doing an activity with so-called regular people that may boost her spirits and make her feel like she is still herself. Heck, even going to coffee with friends for a chat would help augment the speech therapy you say she needs.

A brief story: the local yarn shop has drop in help and there was an older woman who for weeks always came in the company of her daughter. She was working on what seemed to be her first hat or a particularly difficult hat for her. (I'm about to start crying now.) One day, they came in and were talking to the owner who always helped her. She had finished the hat and was showing it to the owner. "That's beautiful. You did a great job," said the owner, and she gave the woman a hug. The woman began sobbing. Not just crying. Sobbing. As it turned out, this was the first item she had finished since her stroke. She had been an expert caliber knitter and had really struggled to make this hat because the mind and messages to her fingers weren't working as they used to. Finishing was a triumph.

Honestly. Even if you try to tell your Mom the arrangement is NOT permanent, she may have doubts. I sure can't tell you how to work with that, especially when I had issues of stubbornness with my own family member. What I can say is it sounds like you and the remainder of the family have done a great job of formulating a workable care plan. That sounds great because no one person is doing everything. It gives you each time to rest and indulge in some self care.

Be well!

xo,

yr

I'll bet I can guess why your Mom doesn't want to go back and participate (and you sorta gave the clue). She is proud and doesn't think she's as bad off as those OTHER people in the program. If she goes, she'll be admitting or acknowledging that she is LIKE THEM.

That's possible. However, at least once she told me that she was discouraged by her progress with her voice exercises (everything else came back so quickly in comparison) and that she figured that the vocal part of her brain was simply damaged and that this was as good as it was going to get.

According to my niece, it's her memory center that's shot, her language center just needs work that she's not willing to put in. Neither is my mother willing to type, so getting her a TTY phone isn't an option.

So, it's possible that she goes back and forth between "I'm not that bad off" and "I'm doomed."

Honestly. Even if you try to tell your Mom the arrangement is NOT permanent, she may have doubts. I sure can't tell you how to work with that, especially when I had issues of stubbornness with my own family member. What I can say is it sounds like you and the remainder of the family have done a great job of formulating a workable care plan. That sounds great because no one person is doing everything. It gives you each time to rest and indulge in some self care.

Tonight involves downtime at home: possibly a DVD, pizza and microwave popcorn (bliss!). Tomorrow will be a movie with friends. Saturday will likely involve giving my first tarot reading in ages. I'll be spending next weekend with my boyfriend, and the weekend after that I'll be having tea with a friend for the first time in a long while. I plan to hit the Hot House Spa sometime soon (I haven't been since my birthday weekend).

So, I'm trying. It's just that time seems short enough that even treating myself looks daunting. I think the coming of Spring and the lengthening of the days may help that attitude, though.

Thank you for the support. It helps!

According to my niece, it's her memory center that's shot, her language center just needs work that she's not willing to put in. Neither is my mother willing to type, so getting her a TTY phone isn't an option.

 

So, it's possible that she goes back and forth between "I'm not that bad off" and "I'm doomed."

Wow. That's a wide gulf of funk. I wish for you that she would realize doing the practice would help. It's all about growing new neurons -- or so a teacher explained to me. When you do something new, the reason you have to keep doing it is to grow the pathways that help reinforce the skill -- how to play an instrument or learn a language. There's a lot of complexity in that. The repetition needed to achieve proficiency isn't always fun, but needed. I'm guessing that (and I'm not a scientist or medical professional mind you) if those pathways to the language center were damaged, new routes -- a detour if you will -- has to be constructed.

You could always set up a computer and install a couple of web cams : )

Thank you for the support. It helps!

You are welcome. Although I don't walk in your shoes, I've been in a similar place and it's tough. It's times like this we feel either so alone and alien from the world or else overwhelmed by family and isolated from the world (except maybe the medical profession!) by those ties ... and it helps to have some support.

Take care of you! Sounds like a fabu set of weekends! So envious of the microwave popcorn. (Such is life without a microwave.) Do treat yourself. Not only do you deserve it, you can't take care of your mother if you can't take care of yourself.