Jump to content
Post-Update: Forum Issues Read more... ×
BPAL Madness!
  • entries
    154
  • comments
    493
  • views
    34,107

To be nobody but yourself

Sign in to follow this  
valentina

833 views

I need to get my booty in gear and do something that has a time deadline on it, but I wanted to say thank you again for all the words of encouragement about my presenation. And I'd like to report that my presentation went just fine yesterday. No non sequiturs, just lots of good questions and good discussion. I was happy. It took a long time because there were several people learning how the process works, but that was fine. I don't mind that.

 

What I did mind was how management of my office tried to deliberately frighten staff into believing that this was going to be the second ring of hell, and unlike anything we've previously experienced. They are so out of touch with what their staff are able to do, and they always assume we're the most incompetent boobs on the planet. I believe what's going on here is what the psychologists call "projection."

 

My boss, in fact, informed me yesterday morning that he was tired and frazzled and wouldn't be able to help me much at all during the presentation. The reason? A pipe had frozen at his house the day before. It was unfrozen and all was well, but his wife was upset that they'd had to drill a hole in the new basement drywall and her anxiety had ruined his life. Now really, WTF? And just because his wife is high maintenance does not mean that he should return the favor with his staff! If I had walked in and swooned over my basement drywall, and said I couldn't possibly do my presentation, he would have told me to put on my big girl panties and get busy. So when my presentation was going well, he kept jumping in trying to participate and get attention. I do forget, it is All About Him.

 

And the cold hard fact that I forget over every interim, is one that I have to relearn every year: If you're a female in the environment where I work, and you're not a needy wreck who requires propping up, and you're reasonably decent to look at, you will be run down at every possible opportunity. Insecure men love strong men, insecure men hate competent women. This fact is true all over the place, and it's just a matter of degree. I know there are many places that are much worse, if only because my bosses are too lazy to really make trouble for me -- they just try to run me down in subtle ways. They manage by fear, and that's a game that cowards play.

 

I listened to T-Rex on the way to work. I'm wearing Snake Oil and my burgundy patent leather boots. The assholes don't get me down, because underneath it all, I'm entirely too weird for this place and they'll never figure me out. :)

 

For everyone who has at some time felt what I'm describing today, and that would be most of you, here's one of my favorite quotes, from E.E. Cummings:

 

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.

Sign in to follow this  


6 Comments


Recommended Comments

I'm entirely too weird for this place and they'll never figure me out. "

 

Oh sister. I feel you on that.

 

And? Snake Oil and burgandy patent leather boots? You are just plain TOO FABULOUS for that place.

 

PS

Congrats on the presentation.

 

PPS

"big girl panties" HEE HEE

Share this comment


Link to comment

As you were describing your boss jumping in to grab attention for himself when it was going well, I was immediately reminded of a man who used to do that at my old office. He was the big boss, and he had the small brain. He talked a lot but didn't really know anything. He'd jump in to rephrase whatever the previous person had just said in order to make it look like it had been his idea all along. It was completely transparent, and it didn't fool anyone.

 

Strangely, I had a completely different take on gender dynamics based on where I worked for the past six years. There were a couple of men there who very strong, incredibly smart, loyal to their teams, and extremely beloved by the staff. The other men in the company (who were corporate drones and not loved at all) did basically everything they possibly could to take away power from those men and turn people against them. Every meeting turned into a pissing contest. You could almost see the thoughts "What does HE have that I don't?" in these guys faces. They were insecure, jealous, and threatened. They made the whole environment there unbearable. (However those of us who were staff spectators had lively conversations about alpha males whenever the managers weren't around.)

 

As for women? Competent smart women were treated as a mild thorn in the side. Women were, for the most part, ignored. Any time a woman pointed out a real problem and said it needed to be addressed, someone would inevitably ask whether she needed some chocolate or if her children had given her a rough time at home. I'm not kidding. It was disgusting. And if you happened to be an attractive woman who was competent, some manager male latched on to you and got you to do all his planning for him, as though you were his work wife in charge of throwing his dinner parties to make him look more important. Like a trophy wife.

 

Um, yeah... I don't work there any more.

Share this comment


Link to comment

A very long time ago, in a galaxy far across the country I used to work with a guy who wrote not only his full name but his degree on his time sheets!WTF? It was a small office, this was pre HMO billing stuff, and everyone who worked there with the exception of the afmin, had an MSW-so why did he have to write it affter his name?

Oh,and BTW- break into everyone's presentation.who ever said I forget any of my grudges:))

Share this comment


Link to comment

Glad some of you enjoyed the "big girl panties" comment! :lol:

 

And as for the men in my office, my boss tends to prefer to hire men, and he likes his male employees docile. There's a guy in my office who's not that way, is one of the smartest people I've ever met, incredibly good at his job, funny, has a good moral compass, is a bit of a manly man (lifts weights, works on cars), and he's treated like he's a second-rate dumbshit by management. They make fun of him behind his back; never mind that this guy should be running the office instead of the people who are. Male pecking order is kind of a scary thing, IMHO.

 

And I've gotten that "trophy" treatment from certain senators. They like to have everyone seeing me step and fetch for them. It's pathetic. Of course, every now and then I turn it around and get them to consider or present ideas that I have, because if they're going to be that prehistoric, I might as well get them to do something worthwhile. Of course, I get them to think it's all their idea, because if they thought it was my idea, they wouldn't do it. Pathetic, just pathetic.

 

In general, it a lot of dick-banging, and when you get too many together, it's just a drumming session. And I'm betting most of the dicks are really teensy!!!

Share this comment


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×