My first entry here and it's going to be a freak out :rollseyes: I thought I could pretend to be normal for a bit

This current freak out is brought about by several things:

1) Effexor withdrawal. I know this saga has now reached epic proportions but I've only just (as in the last day) stop taking ANY Effexor. This has sent my anxiety through the roof. Yah for panic attacks (or not - well thank god for brad paisley and klonopin). I think this is contributing to my freak out

2) I just really realized I have a month and a week before I LEAVE. I've kinda been avoiding mom's house cause I'll miss the kids so much. It seems stupid withdraw BEFORE I leave (I should be spending all this extra time right?) but now I'm freaking that I won't see everyone I want to/need to see before I leave. I'm always home during summer so this didn't feel too weird. but now I'm like FREAK

3) What if I Go Crazy Completely? while in nyc? I have done the really nutso thing before and it's not fun. (I had an eating disorder throughout high school and part of college which required hospitalization. I've been in remission for three years.) I'm totally freaking about not having a job yet (I know I have a month and I've been submitting for 2-3 weeks). What if I can't get hired at all and am generally totally fucked? Huge knot about that.

Anytime now I really think about anything I flip out completely. No medium. This has happened for the last two days and needs to fucking stop.

And I want Amy SO BAD right now. She would calm me down and we are back to think about amy then cry or at least tear up. I was <i>so</i> over that stage. It means you can't wear any eye makeup.