I'd mentioned in the How Are You Feeling? thread that I had a long talk with dad over dinner. It was rather...enlightening. In not so good ways, really.

The woman I'm marrying has a host of health problems. Kyphoscoliosis, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, some problem where her stomach doesn't empty at the right rate so she throws up a ton (it's partly controlled by pills, though not very well), unmedicated an likely improperly diagnosed ADD, post concussion syndrome, memory problems because of the PCS, a potential case of arthritis, migraines, etc.

Mine? Ugh. Migraines, TMJ, Fibromyalgia, undiagnosed and thus unspecified arthritis, bad knees, allergies, asthma, chronic sinusitis, and a few other piddly things that only come around every so often.

Now, back in October, C. was told in no uncertain terms that she needed to get her back looked at, because the bottom curve in her spine, which has a few fused vertebra in it in what was a failed attempt to straighten it out, is reasserting itself. She was advised to see a back surgeon for an assessment ASAP, since the curve reasserting could break the fusion site, and lead to her being paralyzed, as well as causing organ compressions in ways that could kill her.

Yes, she could DIE from this.

She hasn't gotten ahold of anyone. She keeps telling me that she's trying, every day, to get through to her doctor and get this dealt with. Now, I've dealt with her doctor. I know he's a blazing moron. I know he drops the ball a lot. However, I also know it is not this damned hard to get things accomplished if you actually hold his office to what they say, and keep on them. Were she doing this every day like she swears she is, I'd like to think she'd have an appointment with the back surgeon by now. Even if he is down in Toronto, and waiting lists are involved, since she's in Canada.

Dad's of the opinion that C's fallen back into her old pattern of waiting for someone else to get these things done, because it's difficult to do alone, and it's easier to let someone like her parents handle. Or me. Thing is, I'm not up there. And he's stated he's not sending me up there to do it, because he knows how I am when people start throwing boneheaded, illogical excuses at me, much like her doctor tends to. He doesn't want to have to figure out bail money while I'm in a different country, and I can understand that. Nor do I really want to go up there to straighten this crap out. It isn't my job. It's her responsibility. SHE needs to do this. Not me.

But she's not. As always.

The longer the conversation went on, the more I realized that I'm going to be the one doing everything when I move up there after we get married. Cleaning the apartment? That'll be me, because she's always too sick and sore to do much but lay around watching TV all day. Cooking meals? Me. Hoofing laundry to and from the laundry facilities/laundromat? Me. Working to make sure we can cover bills and rent and stuff, as she's on disability and gets maybe $1000 a month? Me. Paying the bills responsibly and on time? Me. Grocery shopping? Me.

I'm sure folks can see where this is going. I'll be doing everything. Th'hell is going to happen if something goes on, I'm in the middle of a flare, and I cannot get out of bed? Nothing will get done. And God forbid an emergency with her goes on if I'm in such a state.

I just...this bothers me. This bothers me a lot. Way more than I thought it would.

She's coming down to visit once her passport application is processed, and she's got it in hand. If dad and I cannot convince her to deal with her own shit like she needs to do, I've got the bad feeling that'll be a permanent nail in the coffin to us getting married. It makes my spine crawl to know that even after repeated conversations and attempts to make her do stuff, it always falls back on me. It shouldn't. I can't live like that. I'm her fiancee, not her frigging mother.