Tee hee about giving someone a punch. I hope the group wasn't a touchy-feely thing; I know there are personality types that really need that huggy stuff, but I'm not one of them. I do not especially enjoy being hugged by virtual strangers. You must be the same way.

My feeling about grief or being a basket case is that it's just fine to sit with your grief. It comes in waves, and I've started associate the grief process with surfing. That's my coping mechanism.

I remember a year or so after my grandmother died (and I was closer to her than with my mother), I had a dream about her home. I woke up crying because it took a dream for me to remember everything about her and her home; in my waking life, I was starting to forget. The thing is, in my dream, I went around and looked at everything very closely, trying to commit it to memory. While I was upset when I woke up, I've never forgotten that dream or what her home looked like and felt like to me. Sometimes our minds have ways of doing things for us that we can't consciously logic out; I guess that was one of them. Your will probably come alone in their time.

Aw hell, I hope this wasn't too much like a hug! If so, send me a

Punching? Also theraputic.

But yeah, I know what you mean about the touchy-feely culty strangers. I get the same type of heebie jeebies whenever I go to a church with all the forced neighborly stuff.

I get my physical succor from a select few intimates. The added stress of coping with a strange (albeit well-meaning) body all up in my area does not help with the coping AT ALL.

Having said all that, I haven't experienced this intense of a loss yet. I hope you do find some more people who have gone through this to help you feel your way through your grief.