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BPAL Madness!
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Wank & Polite Society

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Macha

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So someone pointed me towards some LJ forum someone started up for the purpose of allowing people to anonymously vent their true feelings about the LJ Black Phoenix forum (and as it turned out, about bpal.org.) I read for a few entries before I had to stop, feeling absolutely sick to my stomach.

 

Who thought this was a good idea?

 

In my experience, anytime people can hide under a cloak of anonymity, the majority transform almost immediately into assholes. It's like passing notes in the back of the class in 7th grade or whispering to each other about how fat Susie is (and making sure Susie can hear them) — the desire to impress their peers with their capacity for cruel and malicious behavior manifests as the most horrifying vitriol. It all goes straight to "Lord of the Flies" island, because somehow, the people we meet on the internet aren't "real" people and so what we do to them smacks of the hypothetical. We don't have to be there and say these things to them face to face and deal with the chance that we might make them angry or make them cry — that we might actually have to face the consequences of our behavior first hand. It's all Unreal. We're all turned into sociopaths, because our audience comes pre-objectified for our convenience.

 

Are there people on these forums I don't like? Of course there are! There are even people I loathe, and people who are engaged in behaviors which I find self-destructive and/or unethical, and I want to throttle them. But you know what? That's okay. I know I'm not loved by everyone myself. I can be an insufferable know-it-all bitch (hey, even my Chinese horoscope says so) and I'm not always the easiest person to get along with. I know there are people on these forums who do not like me. I'm cool with that. They don't have to like me. And — and I LOVE this — we can continue to be civil with each other, because these forums are an atmosphere where its been made abundantly clear that civil manners and behavior are the rule of the day. As such, I try not call those people names or be nasty to them — one does not DO that in polite society. My reward is that sometimes these people I once disliked become friends I really love and enjoy — because I gave myself the chance to get to know them.

 

Of course, I suppose I could always log on somewhere anonymously and rant and rave and call people names, but honestly, what is to be gained from that?

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Macha, just remind yourself -- some BPALers really are 18 years old. I'm guessing the worst of the nastiness came from kids whose worldview is truly high school. Or college (which in my experience wasn't much better). I have felt like I don't have much in common with "kids these days" since I turned 30, and the wank thread is just another example of that.

 

Also this is a total aside, but I love your art. :ack:

And you're an artist with words, too. I love reading your posts.

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I just commented on filigree shadow's blog, but I'll repeat and expand a bit here... I said that while I know some mods better than others, everyone I've encountered has been kind and generous -- generous with your time, your creativity, your patience. I think a lot of the complaining about the mods is nothing more than sniping at people who are perceived as authority figures, or as having more of an "in" with Beth.

 

I've probably spent more time on this forum than any other forum or email list simply because it is so well moderated. For god's sake, I was once on a list for Airedale Terrier owners that was unmoderated, and I have never seen such off-topic, insane vitriol put into writing. I honestly don't know how you guys keep such a large group of individualistic and sometimes iconoclastic people running so peaceably.

 

Just my two cent's worth. BTW, I do especially love that Lotus Moon t-shirt design. Have a good weekend.

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Excellent point, Gree! And it explains why words like "fandom", "wank" (except in the form of wanker), and "meme" aren't even in my vocabulary and never will be. I'm just too old for stupid shit like that. :ack:

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I suppose I'm officially getting old then. I read through this crap and think "I wouldn't have written this at eighteen — my mother raised me better than that!"

 

No, no...I don't buy it being an age issue. Some of the most obnoxiously insulting people I've come across online have been over the age of 40. I think you can be the same loud-mouthed wank-loving asshole at 45 that you were at 16 — a matter of emotional maturity rather than physical.

 

And it's really not the venom spewed at the mods that raised my ire. Okay, it raised my ire a little. But to a certain extent, we're used to it. Sure, if you prick us, we still bleed...but we also sneer and say something sarcastic and witty and dry enough to pass for one of Heartbeast's martinis. But most of those people who were picked out for slandering don't have our well-honed defense mechanisms, and no one deserves to have their character impugned by anonymous strangers that way, no matter who they are.

 

Filigree_Shadow, Valentina: I'm just awful about dealing with complements. I become very flustered and never know how to respond without sounding like some kind of egomaniac. So I'll just say — thank you. :ack:

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It's probably naive on my part, but I imagine all the multiple posts scatter-shooting everywhere were made by a total of 4 people, posting over and over. Cowards. That's all.

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:ack: I don't care if you like me or not, cause I like you and that's all that matters. :)

 

And you're completely right.. Under the cloak of being anon we can say anything we want. Hell, we're all pretty anon here. Of course, you know I'm Carly and I know you're Jennifer... But we never have to face each other.. Ya know? But that's no reason for me to be nasty to you and no reason for you to be nasty to me... because you're still a person and so am I and we have feelings and even if we are sarcastic bitches, we still have feelings ;)

 

But fuck 'em. I don't hang out with people like that, and every time this shit happens, I'm all the happier about that. :)

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Ah, but I DO like you Carly. Sure, there was a time when that wasn't so true. Not that you'd done or even said anything horrible to me or anything, but you know the whys and wherefores. It would have been relatively easy for me to just throw some names at you and say "meh, she's a fucking bitch."

 

But you know what? I LIKE strong-willed and opinionated women, and I don't have to agree with you all the time as long as we can respect each other and treat each other as human beings (with the occassional bit of allowance for sarcastic bitchiness that is, I think, to be expected.) To simply dismiss you because we have on occassion not seen eye to eye (or other moderators and you have not seen eye to eye) would be, completely and utterly, my loss.

 

:ack:

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Amen, sister. You said it better than I could have.

 

This kind of crap (an online community or board set up for the sole purpose of bashing another online community) happens all the time, unfortunately. If you read MUA, you probably know about beautybash.net, a board set up for the sole purpose of making fun of MUAers.

 

The mind boggles, does it not?

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