Oh, ouch. That hurts. I know the Mister's health is more important, and he'll probably get something else without any trouble, and the house will remain yours. But... to even consider the possibility of giving up something that you've worked so very hard to make beautiful and to make your very own, just makes me ache. I'm in a situation where I've had to consider a similar possiblity, and it's just sad. It's like a bit of your soul goes into what you're doing.

But all will work out, I am sure. Mister will get a different job, find a saner place to spend his workdays, and life at the Chez Snark will be even better than it is now.

Why is he putting off looking for a new job? If he starts looking for a new job right away, then if something really great comes his way, he can quit the awful job ealier, and you guys may not have to face any time when he's unemployed.

But regardless, I will hope for you that there won't be any "suburban cream" paint in your future.

Ha, so I guess that makes me a SINK ? (The Man doesn't count, all his income is spoken for. By THOSE PEOPLE)

Well. That is a bit of a downer. It is hard to want what is best for someone you love while it may be in direct conflict with something you want desperately. I too am curious as to what his reasons might be for putting off the job search. Is he afraid "they" will catch wind of it and let him go before the alotted time?

I am sure you would feel more relieved if he has some prospects on the horizon; then this would not seem so traumatising!

I'm sorry you're going through this. I found (when DH was out of work for 6-1/2 months AND 3 months after we bought our house) that where there's a will, there's a way. We managed to never fall behind on the important expenses, and slashed away at the unimportant ones. You'll be amazed and impressed at how you deal when it comes right down to it.

Snarky was feeling less shaky this morning after an evening of birthday celebrations and trough eating, but y'all responses really cleared the lingering ick. She feels... buoyed.

But all will work out, I am sure. Mister will get a different job, find a saner place to spend his workdays, and life at the Chez Snark will be even better than it is now.

Snarky believes this too, mostly. It's that little panicky rabbit part (very closely related to the manic monkey brain part... they might even share some synapses) that sometimes spontaneously screeches during slow moments. She just needs to figure out how to... pet? The rabbit? Feed it? The metaphor is unraveling quickly.

Why is he putting off looking for a new job?

Snarky suspects it's his concern of looking less-than-attractive to future employers by saying right off the bat: "I can't start work until mid-September". He picked the two weeks following Labor Day Weekend as his possible gap of employment because Snarky's parents are coming to town at the end of August, and then the Snarks will join them for a cruise (in the heart of hurricane season) mid-September.

He feels obligated to give his current workplace a long notice in order to give them time to prepare for and train his replacement. Snarky thinks he's being a bit too generous with his time committing to up to a three month notice, but he seemed pretty set on it at the time.

Oh, and "suburban cream" is not only apropos, but also a bit... nefarious sounding.

Ha, so I guess that makes me a SINK ? (The Man doesn't count, all his income is spoken for. By THOSE PEOPLE)

Oh! How 'bout a MINK (mono-income?) Or SLINK (Singly-Lucred Income... OK, that was a stretch. But c'mon, SLINK!)

You'll be amazed and impressed at how you deal when it comes right down to it.

Wow (re: the stretches of your Mister's unemployment). Kudos to y'all for pulling through a tough and unsure time.

Much like her ideas of how she should have gone through school (HS diploma, Bachelors, Master's, and PhD in one uninterrupted stream of academic immersion), Snarky's idea's of being in the working world have made dramatic shifts over the years. Some of her most rewarding work has been as a temp and/or contractor. She knows that The Mister will work with her to meet high-priority expenses no matter what their future financial situation and hopes to acheive the same ruthless pragmatism as yours that might be needed.

Having said all this, The Mister came away from his various birthday celebrations last night very torn. His co-workers took him out to a local brew pub. I met him there and we eventually ended up back at his workplace where his boss's boss ushered us inside to sample some finger foods set up for one of their many "seduce the designers" events (another aspect of his current company caters to high-end housing). One of his co-workers even baked him a huge carrot cake!

Last night he confessed to Snarky that he feels very torn about deciding to give notice now. He truly enjoys the people with whom he works. He knows how hard it is to find a department that meshes as well as this one does (even after a fairly dispruptive merger with another company).

Snarky assured him that she still stood by whatever he decides to do, but also pointed out that he might want to go back to his doctor to try another anti-depressant (the last one worked to alleviate work-related anxiety, but broke him out in hives).

She reasoned that no matter how much longer he decided to stay at his current job, this kind of medical therapy would help with the constant, suffocating stress that has been souring his work week.

She doesn't think a Magic Pill will make it all go away. But maybe it will help him to see his situation with a more balanced perspective.

Again, thank you all for your support and concern. Even if the worst case scenario were to happen, Snarky knows they will be able to make a home and a life wherever their little ship gets tossed.

I gave my last employer a month's notice because I did a lot of stuff no one else in the office did. I spent my last three weeks twiddling my thumbs, and my training of the people taking over my work amounted to maybe 6 or 8 hours of going over stuff. No matter how attached he is to the projects he has spent his blood sweat and tears on, the company is almost certainly not as interested as transition/change management as he is.

They will probably have him write up some process summaries, maybe walk someone through what gets done regularly... and in the end, whoever takes over his work will just get thrown in head first and told to figure it out. That's what has happened to me every time I've taken over something from someone who left, at either of my "real jobs"

If he tells a future employer, "I can start in 2 weeks, but I already have a trip planned for september and will need a week off then, most employers are willing to work with that.

Also, I still keep in touch with my old coworkers, even though I moved half a country away. They won't like him any less for doing what's best for himself. Business is business, and the fact is, you always have to look out for number one, because no one else in your office will do it for you. So the social aspect is not reason enough to stay in an otherwise bad situation.

Therapy, and any other stress management techniques he can get himself into are key. All jobs have some stress, and if he can't deal with it, then he'll be perpetually unhappy. Especially if his whole work life has been stressful and miserable, at some point he has to ask the question, "Do I pick bad companies, or do I do something to bring on the unhappiness?" - either way, it's something he needs to work on in himself.

What is his ultimate career goal? Where does he want to be in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years? These don't have to be Stalin-esque unreasonable milestones, just his best honest aspirations. The question that follows from this is "Is my current situation advancing me towards my goals?"

Again referencing my own experience, my ultimate 5-ish year goal is to work in "cyber insurance" (insuring against computer network failure and intrusion) - I strongly believe this will be a hugely growing sector of the insurance market, and honestly I find it interesting. To get to this point, I need to get experience in P&C (property and casualty) insurance products, and progress through my exams in the Casualty Actuarial Society. In my previous job, I was working in Health insurance, and was on track to take exams through the Society of Actuaries. My old job was actually taking me further and further from where I wanted to be.

I know this is a rambling mess, but you guys have a lot of opportunities ahead of you, and this is a great time to prepare yourselves so the job change thing can be a big step forward instead of a stressful crisis.

Antimony, all Snarky can say is she's glad you are applying your giant egg brain for good rather than evil. If the actuary thing ever becomes tiresome for you (and she really doubts it, you are one of the few people she knows who has a concrete Plan) you've got a promising career in Life Coaching.

The Mister and she are occupational magpies (Ooh! Shiny!) and are just beginning to make Plans on where they really want to be. So much of their life together up until now has been getting through one crisis or another. This is the first time Snarky has really felt like they are settling down into something more... solid. Something with a future. Thank you for making such salient points and asking exactly the questions they need to be asking themselves.