The holiday's for me the last two years have been kind of, well blah. I lost my mom May 4th of 2011. Just before mothers day, shortly after I was told I had to have an emergency hysterectomy and I would not be able to have kids. A bit of a slap in the face, but life is like that sometimes. More and more my mind goes to what is the point. No kids, no family other than the DH so there is no purpose in the decorating, baking and such.

This year I do not know what happened, I for some reason have been trying to find a purpose in it. I signed up for a secret Santa on Reddit, then found I wanted to do more so signed up for re-matching. It felt good to know I was doing something for someone else who may have needed that extra thought of "there is someone else in the world thinking about you. You may not know me, but hey I am here.".

There are so many out there that hurt and are alone, I am not alone though sometimes I feel as though I am. It isn't from any kind of neglect but more from what feels like a hole in me. Reaching out this year has truly made a difference for me and I hope that I can make a difference to some one else. I am going to smile, do all the holiday things I did before when my mom was alive. Make extra candy, bake extra goodies then try to find someone to pass off homemade chocolate covered caramel filled marshmallows too, that aren't afraid I am trying to pull some "Flowers in the Attic" move on them.

To those of you out there that have already allowed me to be involved in your lives even the slightest bit, thank you. You have healed a small part of me that has left me looking forward to the next.