You know when you look back on something you've done, or a way you've behaved, and you just want to disappear and hope nobody ever thinks of you again? You know when you read articles about toxic people and you're like... "Wait, I think *I'm* the toxic person. The call has been coming from inside the house this whole time!"

...perhaps it's just me. Either I have overactive guilt/shame reflexes, or I just do crappy/embarrassing things more often than most people, or maybe both. Who can say! In 20 years I'll probably have enough perspective to tell the difference. But right now, I'm pretty sure I've done the wrong thing. Again.

I'm still working on finding solutions to the behaviours in myself that I want to change. That's an ongoing process, and it feels sometimes like it's just a sequence of falling on my face again - and again - and again - and irritating, aggravating, or hurting any number of people in the process. I do look at myself now and see that I am miles ahead of where I was five years ago, which is good. But in the interim -- sometimes I just want people not to think about me, or talk about me, or feel any type of way about me at all. I don't like being the subject of gossip, and I don't like the idea that my behaviour could get someone else down. In those moments, I just want to draw a veil over myself, separating me from the rest of the world. Giving me a little peace and respite from other people's thoughts and feelings, and giving other people a little respite from the effects and consequences of my behaviour. 

That, I think, is a good place for Veils and Mists to come in. I'd never thought about it as a TAL I'd want to have in my life, but increasingly it feels useful or even necessary to me. I'm not sure how I'd judge its effectiveness because that would require proving a negative, and an impossible one at that -- "Prove other people HAVEN'T been privately gossiping about me or feeling bad about things I said or did!" Nevertheless, I'd like to be able to send that energy out into the world, with some serious oomph behind it courtesy of the Lab. I'll try and get my hands on a bottle and update this entry if/as events warrant.