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BPAL Madness!
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Can you see the real me?

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miss apple

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Sometimes - ok a lot of the time - I wonder exactly what people think of me. If I don't know someone I tend to be very quiet and reserved. I don't speak up, don't really offer my opinions, don't expand on my thoughts or comments. Flying under the radar, being invisible, that's my usual MO. I think this is what an old friend meant when they told me I was very un-Leo-like. Inside, however, I am quite the Leo. I want attention. I want people to laugh at my jokes. I want to be engaging. I take pride in my appearance. The inner Leo always fights with my low self confidence but usually loses. Most of the time just can't shake that ugly, unpopular, wallflower kid feeling from middle school. I feel that anyone I meet immediately sees that I don't measure up and that I am not worth consderation. It's not as though people come up to me on the sidewalk and ask just what business I have going out in public but sometimes it feels that way. My husband tells me that he wishes I could see myself through his eyes. I wish I could too.

 

There are days when I do open up. Then I talk and laugh and joke. In the moment everything feels fine but afterwards doubt creeps in. Did I talk too much? Was the person just humoring me? Do they think I'm just nuts? I have a caustic sense of humor and a keen sense of observation - does that make me appear harsh or critical? I think I notice these things more the older I get. Possibly because it's so hard to meet people when you don't have a ready made community like high school or college.

 

I'm not even sure where this post is going...just some random thoughts going through my head at the moment. I'm resisting the urge to delete it though.

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Hooray for being a Leo! With Mercury in retrograde in Leo, I've noticed a lot of Leos are telling everyone that we're Leos, not that we aren't always proud of it, for we're Leos, but there must be something going on with all of that retrograde business right now. I was pretty shy for a long time, and while I've always externalize my Leo-ness in some ways, I still have a certain reserve. I do like to think of it as a rather feline reserve. Lions don't sit around and roar all day, they reserve it for when it's needed.

 

But I also think Leo kids tend to be suppressed a lot when they're growing up, sometimes by parents, sometimes by schools, sometimes by society. Often it drives us into a bit of a shell. The most stereotypically Leo-like person I know, from externalized appearances and behaviors, is a Pisces. But underneath it all, he doesn't have the Leo resolve.

 

So consider yourself a "stealth Leo." People don't know what's going to hit them when you're quiet and fly under the radar! :)

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So consider yourself a "stealth Leo." People don't know what's going to hit them when you're quiet and fly under the radar! :)

 

Haha, very true! I guess that's what takes people by suprise when I do come out of my shell. Yay for Leos! :)

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I can so relate to your post! There are many times when I feel so not like a Leo. I was shy all through school, I'm still shy around people I don't know very well, I tend to keep a lot of things inside, when in reality I just want to say what I am feeling and I don't want to be the center of attention. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me as it is all so very weird and very un-Leo-like.

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I agree with Valentina about how we tend to be supressed by various areas of life. I was a stealth Leo, but I learned to identify with the sign in other ways. Much like you, I wanted attention, but I was never brave enough to sieze it. In a recent post on my blog, I referenced the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz as being a portrait of myself as a leo. Heh. But I've always been stubborn, and my temperament is very much like a leo. So, yeah. I'm tired. I just wanted to add my voice to it all. :)

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