heartbreakangel

Infuses you with wild bursts of creativity and artistic inspiration. Caveat: this blend possesses a hint of 'Rock Star' debauch. I can only speak on use with intent and how it smells in the bottle, as I haven't dared put this stuff on my skin. The first time I sniffed the partial bottle I got, I'd been having some issues picking up the threads of a piece of fiction I hadn't touched in awhile, and wound up sitting in front of my computer for four hours typing away. When I checked my word count after my brain gave up the ghost, I'd clocked in at about 10,000 words. For some reason, this strikes my nose as a much headier, much more feral, in your face, I would crawl all over a guy wearing it, hedonistic to the nth degree version of Old Spice that's wandering around twirling handcuffs on one finger. Don't ask why, I couldn't tell you, but it does.

Dad had modifications made. The striping done on the car is vinyl, which can be peeled off if he decides he doesn't like it anymore. It was done custom, by the son of a friend of his, after he spent days trying to track down red striping kits through Ford. Turns out they don't have any, the bastards.

In bottle: It smells like orange flavored honey. Light, a bit citrusy, but very pleasant. Wet on skin: I could faintly smell the olive oil somewhere in the background. It mostly turned into an airy beeswax on me while the oil was still visible on my skin. Dry on skin: I barely got the impression of smoke, with a bit of olive oil mingling with it. For the most part, though, it's a very pleasant, sweet smelling beeswax. This surprised me quite a bit. I tested it out around 5pm last night. I took a shower, where I scrubbed myself off with coconut scented shower gel. I came down here to take a nap, and put on hand lotion. I put more hand lotion on a few hours ago. Yet, if I stick my nose against where I applied the Hanerot Halalu on the top of my hand, I can still smell it. I suspect I'll be buying a second bottle before this comes down.

How do you feel about winter-themed but not really holiday type decorations? Things like snowflakes and fake icicles and the like? I love stuff like this. I don't have a tree yet, but I can hang stuff like this up from different spots in my bedroom. Do you have a personal 'Good Luck' charm? Maybe you have a goddess figure to remind you of your Inner Goddess, or maybe you have a beautiful Cross to represent your faith...Or maybe you wear a Hand of Fatimah for protection....That kind of thing. I wear a cross all the time. It only comes off if I need x-rays, other diagnostic tests that require a lack of jewelery, am getting a massage, or the chain breaks. Would you be interested in some knitted wire jewelry, like this? Knitted wire jewelery's not really my thing. This is kind of a getting-to-know-you-type-thingie, but I always find it illuminating--what's on your computer desktop? Images? Color scheme? Way too many icons for stuff I need to sort into folders, and a background image of the British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith's son Harry taken on a trip to Alaska for a spin of wrestling shows. What do you collect...besides BPAL? Not much of anything, honestly. I've got a small collection of wrestling action figures, and a few McFarlane figures, but that's about the extent of it. Oh, wait. I also love the little figurines from boxes of Red Rose tea. The last ones I got were the kittens and the duck from the pet shop friends series. Anyone a fan of Goddess art? Not really my thing. What are your favorite websites (i.e., the ones you visit every day, or almost every day)? This forum, LiveJournal, PWInsider.com's paid elite section (I only pay because it kills the metric asston of advertisements that are on the free site ), and that's basically it for the "every day" sites. How do you feel about Lush? Anything you want to try? The only stuff I use on a consistent basis from Lush are the Big Blue Bath Bombs. I tried their shower gels, but there's too much sulfate-based stuff in those. My skin winds up red and itchy. So, if my Witch wants to get me anything from there, the bath bombs are the way to go. I'm up for trying different ones. How do you feel about home made lip balm, salt or sugar scrubs, soap, bath salts, etc? Always welcome here. if you were to receive a hand-knitted item, what color(s) would you prefer AND are there any types of yarn that you just cannot handle (e.g. wool, llama, etc.) As long as it isn't pink, I'm pretty easy to please. I don't like most wools due to them making me itch, and scratchy acrylics get the same avoidance. Hogwarts sorting situation: Given I don't do much of anything with the Harry Potter stuff, I'm just taking a random stab. I'd probably be a Ravenclaw. What is one REALLY expensive, completely outrageous thing you would LOVE to get but totally don't expect to ever get from anyone? I'd love to go to Wrestlemania 25. Hahaha. Yeah. I don't ever see anyone (except maybe my dad) helping that one happen, especially since I went to Mania 24 back in March. Otherwise, I've got a list of muscle cars I'd probably faint dead away over seeing roll into my driveway. As you can see, I don't expect this to happen AT ALL. Does your forum name have a special significance? Refer to something or someone you admire? Reflect your interests? Come on, spill! The heartbreak section comes from The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michael's full ring moniker, and my ex-fiance used to call me angel all the time, so I just mashed them together. What's one luxury item you want to pamper yourself with but haven't yet? I dunno if this could be considered a luxury item, but I'm really hoping to get my hands on one of these at some point. Anyone into physical activities? For instance- I'm training to become a Combat Archer in the SCA, and something I would use would be an Archers glove...is there anything you do as a sport/hobby in which you might need equipment? I'm big into weight lifting, though I haven't done it in quite awhile for reasons I'd rather not rehash again at the moment. I'm also looking to get ahold of a 25 to 50 pound heavy bag for the basement, so I can get back to my roots with cardio training. Since I'll be doing that, I need handwraps or MMA hand mits, and some kick pads for my shins. Are there any witchy type supplies you're in need of, or would like to try etc.? Herbs, smudge sticks, resins, tarot/oracle cards, incense burners, pretty tools, stuff like that? Sage for smudging and some resins. That's about all I can think of off the top of my head. Do you like Shakespeare? Which plays? Yep. Midsummer Night's Dream, Hamlet, Macbeth, and Much Ado About Nothing are faves of mine. Favorite animals? Least favorite? Wolverines, cougars, domestic cats, dogs (especially english bulldogs), hawks...don't really have any least favorites, though. What is the weirdest and/or most practical thing you are not buying for yourself right now? The thing that you probably should be buying, but have been putting off in lieu of something else? I've got a few things. I really need a new pair of shoes for the gym, I should pick up an electric mattress pad for my bed to keep the winter aches and pains down, and I need a new comforter for said same sleeping area. And new sheets. Sheesh.

Yes, that is my dad washing the car in the rain. We took it out yesterday morning when we went for breakfast, drove through a construction site on a road we didn't know was being torn up ahead of time, and thus covered the car in all sorts of fun stuff from the torn up pavement. So today, when he took it to to go to the store, he ran down to wash it after getting beef stew going in the crock pot. It wasn't raining when he started. It stopped when he was done rinsing it off.

I've come to realize over the week I've spent where I'm currently at, that I was totally correct in taking my engagement ring off. On one hand, it's a horrible feeling. On the other, I feel totally vindicated about a lot of things. Most of this trip has been spent listening to my ex complain about how sore she is, while asking her why, exactly, she hasn't been addressing this properly with anyone aside from the doctor at the pain management clinic, who she's also only giving about a quarter of the story to. I get blank looks, a hung head, and silence as a reply, as she knows I know she's going "Oh, but I feel great, so I don't need to do any exercises to keep things from getting stiff, and I don't need to try anything new with meds, and I don't think it's that bad", then coming back here and making huge issues out of things she didn't bother getting looked in on two hours prior at the doc's office. Yet, as usual, if I state that my calves are awfully stiff from walking up and down the steps on the hill to the dock eight times in a row because she's forgotten things, or we've just gone down there so much over the course of the day, I get looked at like I'm nuts for not taking pain meds and spending the rest of the day in bed. Sure. I'll get right on that. Because I can't possibly feel okay enough to do other stuff around here. I've also stopped buying into how horrid her stomach issues are, since she's displayed her knack of "forgetting" to eat, which makes it worse. So long as she consumes food throughout the day, her GERD and assorted problems that require more pills seem to not kick up much at all. Hrm. Curious how this works. Also curious how the doctors told her that this is how it would go, and again, she didn't listen. I also found out I've been lied to again about the back surgery. Now the official story is that she does need it, but that the surgeon is so concerned that she's dropped so much weight that he's afraid to put her under for it until she gains some back. She's not making an effort with this, for God only knows WHAT reason, because her "stomach gets upset" if she eats too much. Usually after she forgets to eat all frigging day, because she can't be bothered to get out of bed due to being "too sore" to walk over into the main house on the property to get something thrown in the microwave. Yet with me here, she's eating like a horse and hasn't gotten as sick as she's claimed she does. I smell something rotten in Denmark, here. So glad this isn't my permanent problem. Jesus. I'd go insane. It's also a very telling thing when two different family friends have been here, and instead of asking Chris how she's feeling, they've asked me what's going on. Things like how her appetite's been, how sore she's been, if she's taking her meds on time and properly, how much she's doing around here, if she's keeping the cabin clean, etc. I can safely say the cabin is a fucking sty (she cleaned one table when I pressed the issue, and hasn't touched the rest since...it's been a week, I'm pissed, and I'm not doing it for her again), she's taking her meds without fail because she knows I won't allow her to BS me on it, her activity level's been pretty high, and she's been eating when I make her sit her ass down in a chair to consume food, instead of letting her lollygag around the house while her plate of it gets cold after I've cooked a meal. Even then, she'll typically get four bites in, start making faces, and I have to sit there staring at her and telling her to stop talking so much, because she needs to eat. But, like I've been told by my father and a friend that both sat me down to hammer all of this home to me before we got too deep in wedding planning, I can't fix this if she doesn't want it to be fixed. It's slowly becoming a fixture of the "not my problem" section of my brain. No matter how many times I tell her I'm concerned, it's going to be blown off. Likely until something either lands her in the hospital and it's too late to do much about it, or until it puts her in a box in the ground. It really sucks. Especially since I have this whole "I must fix this wounded person" mentality, and have since as far back as my parents can recall. There's just...no fixing someone that doesn't want to be fixed. So for the next week that I'm up here, as I got my period and I am not doing a 12 hour drive home from Ontario, even if I split it into two day, with migraines and cramps sitting on top of the general aches and pains I always have, I'm just not going to let it get to me. I'm going to spend time on the dock in the sun, I'm going to go walk around town with her and whatnot like we always used to when I'd come up, and I'm going to just make sure she eats once or twice a day. As usual. Otherwise? My hands are tied. I've tried. It's all I can do. Oh, and the festival I came up for? I might as well have not bothered. The city has done a fantastic job of fucking it up over the past three years. Where we used to spend hours upon hours down at the midway years ago, this weekend we were there for about an hour and a half. The games were crappy, nobody was around, they had something like 8 vendor tents when they usually have something that looks like a tent city going on down on the fields, and just... I don't get how it got this bad. Yet the city is calling it a success. Riiiight. No problem.

Wow. You looked absolutely stunning in those photos. One of my cousins married someone from Lebanon last year. They did a traditional Catholic ceremony, which confused just about every American in the room until his family explained that they're Catholic, not Muslim. Things were further complicated in a few regards by how his family celebrated at the reception. Lots of wild dancing in circles, his uncle that stood in for his father at the ceremony was throwing money while stomping a foot and clapping, etc. I thought it was awesome. Much happiness to the both of you.

Questions Are You An Indoor Person Or Outdoor Person? Indoor, mostly. I'm trying to get back to being a bit more outdoor. Are You Up To Being Gifted With Anime? Sure. Cami Or Corset? Both. Candles Or Incense? Both. Coffee/Tea/Hot Beverages? I love tea, hot chocolate, and coffee if it's in some frozen form mixed with other stuff. Do You Have A Particular Decorating Style? Not really. Do You Have Pets And What Kind Of Gifts Would Be Good For Them? Two cats. They love toys that can be thrown, stuff they can chase, and they both have serious catnip habits to the point where dad and I have begun saying they're like Cheech and Chong without the smoke. Do You Like Homemade Gifts? Like Foodstuffs Or Crafts? Love them. Do You Still Read Any Children's Books? I still have my two books of fairy tales from when I was a wee little thing. Favorite Books As A Kid? See above about the fairy tale books. Feelings On Used Books (& Cds And DVDS For That Matter)? Don't mind them at all. For Those Of You Who Play Video Games, What Consoles Do You Own? PS2, GameCube, my computer, GBA, 8-bit Nintendo, Sega Genesis. I don't know if it still works, but at least one of the 8-bit Nintendos does. Haircolor Experimentation? My hair has been so many colors, I've lost count. Right now, my bangs are blood red, while the rest of my hair is black, which is my natural color. How About Burned Cds? Is Everyone Okay With Those? Do Y'all Even Listen To Cds Anymore, Or Is It Straight To The Ipod? I listen to cds in the car, so burned ones are fine. How Much Do You Still Enjoy Playing With Toys? I still do on occasion. Not much, though. I keep eyeballing buying myself Lego sets, but haven't yet. How Would You Describe Your Sense Of Humor? Sarcastic. It drifts between stuff like how House is, and wanders off toward Monty Python breed absurdity every so often. How Would You Describe Yourself? Quiet. I've been known to get up during conversations without people even noticing I've left. I Want To Know What Little Treats My Witchee Likes To Be Spoiled (Or Spoil Herself) With? I love chocolate. That's one thing I will very rarely pass up. Beyond that, tea, bath stuff, socks... If Handmade Stuff Is Okay, And It All Goes Horribly Wrong, Would You Want It Anyway? Yep. Fine even if it looks not quite like it should. Lip Balm? I'm not too particular about it, except for one thing. Lush lip stuff doesn't work well on me. Burns a bit. I'm figuring that's the borax in it, but I could be wrong. Livejournal? Handle over there is heartbreakangel. It's friends locked, though. Mailbox Situation, I.E. Can I Send You Chocolate And Melty Treats From Lush, Or Are They Going To Wind Up Being Really Decadent Goo? If it ends up really decadent goo, it'll become a really decadent solid again in the fridge. No worries. Makeup? Don't wear it often, but I do like it. Online Games? Guild Wars. I spend way too much time with it. Phobias? Spiders. Religious Preferences And Patron Saints/Goddesses/Spiritual Mentors? Thor, Odin, Anubis. Weird combo, I know. Don't ask how it happened, because I'm still not sure myself. Rice Krispy Treats, Yes Or No? Homemade Or Prepackaged? Yes. Homemade. The prepackaged ones taste odd. Secret Crush? Gah. I have one I'll likely never see again. Sad panda, I am. Socks? Love 'em. Knee highs, mostly. Sports? Hockey and wrestling. Switch Witch Remain A Secret Or Reveal Herself? I'm good with either, leaning toward reveal. Tattoos/Piercings? Ears are pierced twice, navel's pierced, and I have two tattoos with plans to get more. Things I Find Offensive? Bigotry. What Goodies Do You Love That You Can't Usually Get? TimTams. What Is The Hottest And Coldest It Gets Where You Live? Hottest is usually up around 100. Coldest depends on the winter, sadly. Sometimes it won't go below 20, sometimes it goes down to -30. What Practical Goals To You Have For The Upcoming Summer? Get back in shape. What Sort Of Crafites Do You Do And What Sort Of Crafty Supplies Do You Like? I paint, I knit with looms, I'm attempting to learn to crochet, occasionally there's some drawing going on, and I'd like to eventually start mucking around with making jewelery. I see beads all the time that I get grabby handed over, but I don't know what to do with them. What's Hanging On Your Walls? What Do You Want Hanging On Your Walls? Two wrestling posters, glow in the dark starts, and some random fabric I was given years ago. I've also got shelves hung up that are covered in all sorts of stuff, from books to action figures. What's Your Favorite Color? For Wearing? And For Decorating? For wearing? Black. For decorating? Uhm. Don't really have one. What's Your Favorite Flower? Tree? I'm big on roses, and I like willow trees. What's Your Most Obscure Interest? Oh, this is easy. I don't know many people that are interested in OSHA regulations. Which Kinds Of Soaps Do YOU Like? Arcana? BPTP? Lush? Super Bad? I don't use soap often. It dries my skin out something fierce. Who Are Your Favorite Disney Characters? Eeyore. Gemstones I like and why: Amethyst, hematite, onyx, there's more but they're not coming to me off the top of my head. It's been one of those weeks. If I had no dress code: I don't really have one. Work is at home. Unless I have to go out to a meeting, or a job site, I'm in whatever's comfortable, even if it means I'm just stomping around in a sarong and a sports bra. Wants from the update: Too much stuff to mention. Yeesh. Let's see...Stormclouds Over The Midway, The Chapel, The Torture Queen, pretty well everything from The Wunderkammer. What kind of pens do you like? Bic Round Stic Grips in fine point with black ink. BPAL signature scent: Dragon's Heart Chips: Absolutely love Lay's Dill Pickle ones.

I'm no longer getting married. My relationship with C. as far as that stuff is concerned ended yesterday morning. After getting her to finally stop pulling the excuse train around, as well as obscuring things to make it seem like she was making an effort, she admitted she hasn't been doing anything like she swore she was to get her back looked at. When I asked why, and chipped away at it until she was straight with me, she said she's so afraid she's going to hear that there's nothing they can do that she'd rather not do anything at all. Considering this was presented as a problem, as I've said before, that can either lead to her possibly being paralyzed or kill her if it gets worse and nothing is done about it, I wasn't particularly happy with this course of action. I asked why she didn't take my feelings into consideration with it, and got the standard "I guess I didn't think" answer I've come to know so well since I started dating her. I just...can't do this when I'm staring down an oncoming train of this nature. I explained all of this to her, and let her know that as I'm the one uprooting everything to move to her, I have certain expectations regarding how she handles her ongoing health problems, so that stuff is actually getting done, as opposed to...well...this. It was also made known that I don't think it's so cool that I can't push things off with my health without her getting upset with me, but I'm not supposed to be ruffled when she does it. That's crap. Then she brought up something her mother said regarding the mere idea of her getting hot stone massage therapy to try to loosen some of the muscles in her back that have been tensed up and causing other problems for her as of late. Something to the tunes of how she's certain C. will never like the massage, and how she knows that it won't do anything to help. I finally came completely unglued and said some things about that woman that I'd never said before, and would have to keep consistently bottled up were I to move up there, due to seeing her on a weekly basis. I can only imagine what she's going to say about me once she gets drunk after finding out we split up for keeps. Should be a fun time when C. regales me with it over the phone at some point. I'll mostly just sit here laughing over it, since it shows a remarkable lack of intestinal fortitude to only sling the insults while drunk, let alone behind my back. Thank God she won't be my mother in law. So, that's where it stands. I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rings. I haven't taken the engagement one off yet, as I don't have a particularly safe place to keep it at the moment. Worst case scenario, if dad doesn't want me to sell it back to the jeweler we got it from, I'll go up there, have it sized to fit the ring finger on my right hand, and just turn it into basic every day bling. It's too pretty to just stuff in a box somewhere.

Thanks.

Exactly. The mothering thing bugged the hell out of me. Oooh. I did bring it up with dad last night that I feel weird wearing it on the left ring finger, but I think it's too pretty to just pitch into a jewelery box. He scolded me for feeling bad about wanting to keep it, and told me to get it resized for another finger when I feel like going back up to the jeweler. I'm surprised he's not a little upset, since he paid for the rings.

I'm pretty sure I caught C. greatly bending and twisting the truth around about health stuff again, and her ability to get ahold of her physician as of last night's before bed conversation. This vexes me. She's gone right back to old habits she swore she'd broken, etc. I also had a friend IM me out of the blue tonight to wish me an early happy birthday, and express a lot of concern about what's been going on with all of this. I've known this guy for nine years, and we're both quite alike in a lot of ways with how we handle certain things with relationships. Both of us tend to become blind to certain stuff, until it gets to be completely overwhelming. He's trying his damnedest to make sure I don't wind up in the same spot he's in right now. Considering my dad came at me with the same stuff, and another friend came at me with similar concerns, and I'm speaking to yet another one right now that thinks all of this is bullshit I shouldn't have to deal with, I'm sort of eyeballing things like . I needed to hear it, though. I really did. I'm pissed that things are being obscured and jerked around, while I'm having lines fed to me about how stuff's getting better. Nothing is. Something tells me that this engagement isn't long for the world anymore.

I'd mentioned in the How Are You Feeling? thread that I had a long talk with dad over dinner. It was rather...enlightening. In not so good ways, really. The woman I'm marrying has a host of health problems. Kyphoscoliosis, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, some problem where her stomach doesn't empty at the right rate so she throws up a ton (it's partly controlled by pills, though not very well), unmedicated an likely improperly diagnosed ADD, post concussion syndrome, memory problems because of the PCS, a potential case of arthritis, migraines, etc. Mine? Ugh. Migraines, TMJ, Fibromyalgia, undiagnosed and thus unspecified arthritis, bad knees, allergies, asthma, chronic sinusitis, and a few other piddly things that only come around every so often. Now, back in October, C. was told in no uncertain terms that she needed to get her back looked at, because the bottom curve in her spine, which has a few fused vertebra in it in what was a failed attempt to straighten it out, is reasserting itself. She was advised to see a back surgeon for an assessment ASAP, since the curve reasserting could break the fusion site, and lead to her being paralyzed, as well as causing organ compressions in ways that could kill her. Yes, she could DIE from this. She hasn't gotten ahold of anyone. She keeps telling me that she's trying, every day, to get through to her doctor and get this dealt with. Now, I've dealt with her doctor. I know he's a blazing moron. I know he drops the ball a lot. However, I also know it is not this damned hard to get things accomplished if you actually hold his office to what they say, and keep on them. Were she doing this every day like she swears she is, I'd like to think she'd have an appointment with the back surgeon by now. Even if he is down in Toronto, and waiting lists are involved, since she's in Canada. Dad's of the opinion that C's fallen back into her old pattern of waiting for someone else to get these things done, because it's difficult to do alone, and it's easier to let someone like her parents handle. Or me. Thing is, I'm not up there. And he's stated he's not sending me up there to do it, because he knows how I am when people start throwing boneheaded, illogical excuses at me, much like her doctor tends to. He doesn't want to have to figure out bail money while I'm in a different country, and I can understand that. Nor do I really want to go up there to straighten this crap out. It isn't my job. It's her responsibility. SHE needs to do this. Not me. But she's not. As always. The longer the conversation went on, the more I realized that I'm going to be the one doing everything when I move up there after we get married. Cleaning the apartment? That'll be me, because she's always too sick and sore to do much but lay around watching TV all day. Cooking meals? Me. Hoofing laundry to and from the laundry facilities/laundromat? Me. Working to make sure we can cover bills and rent and stuff, as she's on disability and gets maybe $1000 a month? Me. Paying the bills responsibly and on time? Me. Grocery shopping? Me. I'm sure folks can see where this is going. I'll be doing everything. Th'hell is going to happen if something goes on, I'm in the middle of a flare, and I cannot get out of bed? Nothing will get done. And God forbid an emergency with her goes on if I'm in such a state. I just...this bothers me. This bothers me a lot. Way more than I thought it would. She's coming down to visit once her passport application is processed, and she's got it in hand. If dad and I cannot convince her to deal with her own shit like she needs to do, I've got the bad feeling that'll be a permanent nail in the coffin to us getting married. It makes my spine crawl to know that even after repeated conversations and attempts to make her do stuff, it always falls back on me. It shouldn't. I can't live like that. I'm her fiancee, not her frigging mother.

I think I'm finally at the point where if one more stupid thing happens with wedding stuff, health issues, or things involving specific people in my life, I'm going to just start screaming a string of obscenities while throttling the first person I come across. The wedding? Oh God. We can't pick a date, now. At all. Until C. hears back from her doctor, or the surgeon she's supposed to speak to, over what's going on with her back at the moment? Pffft. We're basically in a state of engagement stasis. She's got a bone chip on the fused spot of her spine, where the biggest, nastiest curve from her scoliosis is. I still am not certain I understand why they decided to fuse vertebrae together after the curve bent titanium rods, but there you go. So now everyone is shocked that there's a bone chip drifting around, which has been there for at least two years, giving her all kinds of issues. Nobody saw it on an x-ray until October, when a doctor down in Toronto peeked at it and went "How did people miss this?!". Ugh. This same doctor has also stated that he feels the curve is reasserting itself after years of not doing anything at all. Which is bad. Which is actually so bad he felt the need to tell her that if she doesn't get this looked in on, it's likely going to be a fatal health complication due to compression of internal organs. This would, I'd think, label it as an urgent situation. It's now almost December, and she can't get her own doctor to take it seriously enough that he'll get off his ass and do anything. His answer to the bone chip was to suggest physical therapy. The surgeon? Bleh. Nobody ever answers the phone at his office, so it's either finding the voicemail totally full, or listening to the phone ring and ring until a message gets left, that never gets returned. The doctor in Toronto hasn't been in his office for the past week, so she can't even get ahold of him to let him know what's going on. So, with this in mind, we're both eyeballing things and thinking it might be a good idea to continue to hassle the doctors every damn day, so we can find out when she'll at least get her consult with the surgeon, even if it pisses everyone off. If it's just the bone chip and nothing else that needs to be dealt with? Great, we can schedule the wedding, it won't be a big deal. If anything is happening with the curvature, as it still hasn't been totally confirmed, and this thing requires more extensive surgery? We're dicked until we know when the surgery itself is going to take place. Then there's the issue that swung around earlier this afternoon. Because someone has to come out to take a look at the thermostat in the cabin, and refill the propane tank, her mom made this gigantic issue about getting the cabin cleaned. At 10am. While we were on the phone. And complained that C. was not doing anything to try to help, beyond get in the way. At the same time as stating she "didn't have the time for this". I sat here and choked down my urge to ask to have the phone passed over, so I could inform her mother that it's nice to knock and see what's going on before blowing a door to a different living space open to rush in and clean, especially given the fact that the propane guy is not going to give a flying fornication about whether or not there's a half empty bag of chips sitting on a desk as opposed to in a cabinet when he comes in there tomorrow. Boundaries, much? It's called privacy. Considering C. pays them rent, I'd like to think she can get some of this every so often OMG. This also makes me wonder if we'll have her mother trying to come over once or twice a week to clean our apartment and complain that it isn't up to her personal standards. That ought to be fun. Two people with Fibro and other assorted ailments, in the same house, while one has to work a full time job to float most of the bills? Yeah, it's going to be a little messy. No, it's not going to ruin anyone to see some dust and cat hair drifting around. As long as stuff gets done, fine, whatever, it can happen on the weekends or in little spurts over the course of the week. A living area should not have to look like a museum anyway. I think I'm also a little more pissy over the interruptions than I otherwise would be, since C. and I were starting to have a conversation that was veering quickly toward a potential round of phone sex. If there's ever a way to wreck a mood, it's having a parent walk into your dwelling space unannounced. Everything else is pretty much standard. School is school, my health is still up and down as usual, etc. This contact dermatitis thing can hurry up and leave whenever it wants. Holy God, it itches. The only time it felt completely okay was while I was soaking in a hot bath before bed.

Just putting the link here, so I don't lose it yet again. My birth chart stuff.

I went up to Belden's. They had my ring, but Chris' wedding band is still out getting sized. I should have that over the next week, which is fine by me. http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b377/poi...dding/ring1.jpg http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b377/poi...dding/ring2.jpg http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b377/poi...dding/ring3.jpg http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b377/poi...dding/ring4.jpg Sorry the third picture looks kind of funky. I had to run it through a few quick and dirty filters to deal with a bit of blur. It was taken mostly to give an idea of how high up the stone sits in the ring, which is part of why I'm having problems adjusting to having it on right now. I keep knocking it against stuff, and snagging it on shirts, ect. Now the hard part. I have to get together with mom, as I have the ring on my finger, and tell her what's going on. X_X

Thank you!

I'm having fun blinding my dad with it every time it hits the light the right way. "Oh, hey, so did you hear about...*handwave*" "...gah! Stop that!" Hee. Congrats on your ring! I think she will be, once she gets past all of the stuff that'll immediately spring to mind. Like pre-existing in-law issues, and whatnot.

I think we've come to an agreement on wedding bands. Unless something else jumps out and kicks me in the shin next time I'm at the jeweler, we've got stuff picked out. This is weird. I figured planning all of this stuff out would be way harder than it already has been. I mean, the invitations and getting stuff like that sorted will probably be like herding cats, but this was always something I'd watched other people get incredibly stressed over. And yet, in 24 hours, we've got it basically covered. So now the list is whittled down to the following: picking a date that isn't during next May/June's freakin' Mercury Retrograde invitations food sorting RSVPs when they roll in maybe setting up a wedding registry somewhere clothing flowers I'm probably forgetting something somewhere in there. Gah.

Picked out my engagement ring today. C. has been shown a picture from the catalog I was given to bring home regarding the wedding jewelery sale going on until the end of the month. She had the anticipated response, and began singing the praises of my father for covering the remaining balance on it when I do finally go up there to get things sized and such. I just have to wait for him to get his end of things together, and that's all set. From here, we just need to deal with wedding bands, and then this entire ring thing is done. One less issue to worry about. Which is amusing, since most folks I know that are married didn't even deal with wedding bands until really close to their wedding date. Our's is tentatively set for June, so we're waaaaay early on this one. The next big hurdle with planning will be the invitations. I'm still dawdling with going out looking for stuff to put them together myself. All I can do right now is estimate costs, anyway. Probably won't even touch actually starting to deal with picking up supplies and working out the rest of it until after Christmas. And I still have to tell my mother that I'm getting married. Oh God, that's going to be nerve wracking. She's probably going to throttle me for not telling her until well after the fact. I just keep getting distracted by loads of other stuff, and I'd kind of like to actually have my ring on my finger when I talk to her face to face about this. Everything else that needs to get dealt with revolves around school, at this point. I anticipate a nice TAL purchase somewhere in the not too distant future, so I can get rid of some of my scatter-brained problems with not being able to concentrate on an as needed basis.

I just got off the phone with my intended. She's having a rough night due to a migraine that won't ease off, and I'm still feeling pretty crappy myself with the sinus issues and bronchitis. I figured we'd have a nice, light conversation before we both finally crashed for the night. Somehow, we wound up discussing wedding stuff. And amid all of this, things her mother's been saying came up. I immediately asked if alcohol was involved before the conversation they had tonight took place, and got an affirmative answer. Lovely. Apparently, her mother is "concerned" that I'm marrying her because I want money, that I expect that we'll get everything when her folks die, that I'm sorely mistaken in thinking her family rich, that if we think she's going to let us live at the house we're mistaken, that she "expects a long and apologetic talk" regarding something I supposedly said two years ago, and a few other minor things that made me sit there like "...what?". I know they're not rich. I don't care. Why her mother figures I'd think them rich just because they live on a lake, I have no idea. One of my uncles lives on a lake. He's not loaded. It's possible to do without money flying out of your backside. Sheesh. WTF? Inheritance? Oh, yipee? I really don't care. I'd like to think it's obvious I don't give a flying fornication about money due to the fact that I'm marrying someone that's on a provincial disability pension. It's not exactly the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes, eh? Lordy. We never said we wanted to live at the house forever like the assumption has become. It's been made plain as day, or so we both thought, that we're getting an apartment and will be working toward perhaps getting a house of our own somewhere down the line. The only time we'll be staying there is when I go up on my tourist visa, during which point we'll be hunting for an apartment, moving in to the apartment, and filing my permanent resident application. I don't see where this is hard to understand. The other stuff is one gigantic circular argument that's been going on for four years about me being possessive, me supposedly treating my intended "like shit all the time", at one point there was a supposed insult regarding my apparent loose moral standing (my father was very amused by that, really ), and it's just all stuff that only ever comes spilling out when my intended's mother's been drinking. I do my best to ignore it. I really, really do. But now we're both afraid that her mom's going to decide to get blitzed during the reception, and let her lips do the walking, so to speak. It makes me cringe, since I'm picturing her saying something to my father, and...oh man. This just has "mess" written all over it. I'm going to have to do some thinking on ways to keep things from getting so thick I need hip waders between now and the day of the ceremony. I know all of this is upsetting my intended, and because of that, I'm getting ticked off. Especially since there's absolutely no reason for it. Bleh. It's about time I see about getting myself settled for some sleep. I'm hoping that I get more than six hours worth today, really.

I had to explain the purpose of wedding invitations to my intended yesterday. Yes. You read that right. Explain the purpose of invitations. See, she's got a bunch of relatives that would like to see this whole marriage thing happen. I have no problems with this. In fact, I'm perfectly content to have them show up, if they're able to make it to the ceremony. So, she's been calling them to let them know what's going on, and asking if they'd like to attend. And she's been getting perplexed over why people aren't just saying that yes, they will be there, when she cannot hand off a date, time, and location. She's just so damn excited that she doesn't see the need to send anything anywhere. So we had to have a nice conversation about why we need to send these things out. Me: "See, here's the thing. They can't commit to taking time off from work if they have to to travel, or..." Her: "But it's our wedding!" Me: "I get that. But baby, you've been on disability your entire life. You don't know how it works with putting in a time off request at work." Her: "But wouldn't that be easy?" Me: *looking at ceiling* "Not always, no. Especially not if this is something where they need to find...y'know, nevermind about how this works. It just isn't as easy as saying you need the day and running off. They need the warning." Her: "Oh. But...wait. Wait. How come we need to tell them this stuff so far in advance?" Me: "...because some folks need to travel from upwards of three hours away in province, and then there's your relatives in frickin' CALGARY that are going to need to book flights if they want to come out here for this." Her: "...uhm. So. We have to figure out a date and a time? We already have a location, though!" Me: "Yes. We do. But we don't have a date and time. And I need you to give me a guest list so I know how many invitations I'm going to need to deal with sending out, since you agreed to let me handle this." Her: "Errrmmm..." Me: *siiiiigh* I'm pretty sure that by the end of this whole thing with invitations and such? I'm going to let out a scream that makes me sound oddly like Howard Dean. My dad's already laughing over the fact that he can mention certain aspects of getting married, and I start twitching while sputtering things out that aren't even coherent, because it's just one more thing I'm going to have to start screwing around with. Like the whole catering thing he dropped on me the other day. We want a BBQ after the ceremony, back at her parents' house, if at all possible. Standard fare. Hot dogs, burgers, maybe some chicken, chips, salad, beer, ect. Nothing that's going to absolutely bankrupt us. Dad proceeds to inform me that it might be good to have someone hired out to do the cooking, so he and my intended's father don't have to man the grill all day. So now that's yet more money we have to figure on needing, and I get to spent time calling around to different places in North Bay to see if caterers will even do this sort of thing without requiring other stuff we really don't need. I'm half tempted to say that I'll change out of my ceremony attire into a pair of shorts and a tshirt so I can stand there manning the grill myself if it'll make a difference. Just give me a cigarette, a bottle of beer, and the grill tongs, then get the hell out of my way. But noooooo...it has to be complicated. I think I'm going to go back to nosing through invitation designs and whatnot. I can't possibly afford half of the stuff I'm seeing, but hey. It's pretty.

Well, things aren't going too badly, at the moment, knock wood. She told her parents the other night. Or, rather, a relative did. I think it was her other half sister. I need a flow chart to keep track of siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and other assorted relatives, as her mother's been married three times. So the one that I refer to as her father is actually her adoptive father, while her biological father has apparently remarried or something, and had children with another woman after the divorce from her mother. That's probably not important at this point, though, so...moving right along. It didn't go over as badly as we'd thought. There was some momentary panic and assumptions of my character and motivations by her mom. I figured it would happen. I rolled my eyes over it, and uttered "whatever" quite a bit, and was not surprised to hear that those reactions were beaten down into the illogical hole they crawled out of, likely never to be seen again. The going opinion? That it's obviously making my intended happy, that she's going to be 33 next year, and that even if this isn't what her mother had envisioned her life turning out to be, it's what she wants to do, and nobody can stop her. I almost fell out of bed in shock over hearing that, considering certain bits of family history I've been involved in for the past five years. My dad was just as shocked to hear it, himself. But, we're getting married, and nobody's cheesed off over it. At the moment, at least. I still haven't told my mother, who is probably going to wince a few times, as she's always thought I'd settle down with a man and have a host of children. Should make life fun, there. We also picked out a formal engagement ring! She's going to send me the funds to order it within the next week or so, which means if things go as planned, I should have it by the end of September. I also picked out what I'd like for a bouquet, and what I want for a dress, and and and... If all goes well, we should be married sometime in the spring. EEEEE!!!!

I'm having a "I'm right, you're wrong" moment about this moving thing as far as how dad assumed it would go. He's under the impression, as I said in the How Are You Feeling thread, that getting a work permit is going to be some kind of cakewalk for me. It isn't. Not only do I have to go up there to hunt out a job, get a letter stating I have the job, and submit an application for the permit, but there's just...ugh. The business I work for has to prove out that they cannot find a Canadian to fill the position I'm applying for. Not only that, they also have to prove out that the job market projections (simplified version, really) states that this is an okay thing to do. And they have to pay a laundry list of fees to accomplish all of this, so if for some reason my work permit is denied, they've just spun their wheels wasting all sorts of time trying to fill the position when... ...they could've just hired a Canadian. Anyone else seeing where the cards are really stacked against me on this one? Oh, and if I wanted to come in under the Skilled Worker classification, there's at least a two plus year lag time on applications, according to the CIC website. 80% of cases get finalized in 30 months. Not that it would matter, as I'm three points off from the lowest number of points you can have (67) to come in under this header. I'm also pretty sure that my skill levels aren't as up to par as I'd need them to be to...you see where this is going. It's just not something that's feasible. So that leaves the marriage option. Which is what my intended and I are hoping to do as soon as humanly frickin' possible in the first place. It's more complex than simply getting hitched and waltzing across the border. It's never, ever that simple. Which is fine, since I think I understand this process a bit more than all of the other stuff, anyway. Not that this says much, as my brain's kind of lacking anything beyond a basic "durr" response at the moment. Now we just need to, oh, I don't know...break it gently to her folks that we got back together, and that we're intending on getting married within the next year. I also have to sit my dad down and tell him that no, I am not kidding, as I'm pretty sure it hasn't settled in with him as more than something I've mentioned in passing. It won't surprise me to find out he's taking a nice cruise down denial, really. Anyone got any tips for how to deal with the inevitable "WHAT?!" response we're likely to get from her parents?

Okay. Apparently, the way we initially wanted to do things is not going to be nearly as easy nor as smart as we thought. I've looked through tons of information as of last night, the lump sum of which states that the onus to prove out a "genuine relationship" pretty well falls on me. It also appears that a quick civil ceremony with no family and no reception afterwards will look rather suspect on the application. This doesn't particularly make me happy, as it adds an entirely new level of stress to the whole situation. My dad, who doesn't know about the whole marriage thing yet, is convinced I'll have no problems getting up there on a work visa. That's all fine and good. There's just one thing I keep seeing in bold, all over the work visa applications. "You must be able to prove to the officer that you will leave Canada when your permit expires". Granted, I can always apply for extensions to such, and all of that fun stuff, but...eh. This leaves a ton of questions drifting through my head, and I really do not want to get caught with my ass dangling out somewhere up in Ontario with applications in such a fashion that I need to drop everything and come back down here because an immigration official said so. That would suck. So. Uhm. Eep? I'm perplexed!