korshka

Right now, I'm flying somewhere over Florida/South Carolina. I'm heading up to Raleigh NC to be Corporate Girl for a few days. It's some sort of training that they send us younger engineers on to show us the way. It should be interesting. I'm looking forward to the camaraderie part of it too. Too often I don't get to interact with the engineers on the "other side" of the office. I would like this chance to get to know them better. My favorite time to fly is sunset. The most beautiful sunsets are above the clouds. Tonight's was no different. The colors are so rich and beautiful. However, while this may have been one of the better sunsets, it has also been one of the most turbulent rides. The pilot warned us that we will be going through some thunderstorms here soon. I hate thunderstorms. We just passed a huge black cloud - very ominous. Although, it also contrasts the beauty of the sunset very nicely. One of the guys with us hasn't flown on a plane in since he was a kid. As such he had no idea about the liquid rules had to turn around at security to go check his bag. I had to check mine b/c of my moose. That doesn't come in travel size. Another of our group managed to misplace her boarding pass right before we boarded the plane. Thankfully that isn't an issue. Actually the truly amazing thing is despite my ditziness this afternoon, I haven't been the most flighty of our group. Actually over the past two to three years I really have done a lot of flying. Between visiting family and visiting Mr Man before I moved down here, I feel like an airport veteran. Welp – time for me to put this away we are making our decent into Raleigh now.

First off - New season of Eureka started tonight! Yay! I've so missed that show. Unfortunately we won't be able to watch the new episode until tomorrow night b/c we did get home until halfway through it. We got home late b/c... <b>We have bought a dishwasher! =) =)</b> We bought it tonight. Mr Man, as he put it, will be earning his "Mr Man" title by installing it Thursday with the help of one of our friends. *bounces* We're going to have a dishwasher *bounces* and it won't be me!

I'm back home. The past week has been very up and down, and very emotional. Below is my release of that. I flew in Wednesday around noontime. Daddy picked me up at the airport, and we went back to the hospital where my mom was waiting with Grandma. Just seeing Grandma like that...so very sad. I had forgotten just how bad people looked so close to death. Grandma wasn't conscious or aware of much of anything. She had just gotten her morphine for the pain and ativan for agitation. We went to lunch and then came back for a little longer before heading to the house. We talked, and I did little things here and there, but for the most part I felt like we were just waiting for the phone to ring and holding our breath every time it did. On Thursday, we headed back to the hospital, and Grandma was moved from the heart hospital to the general hospital and placed under "hospice" care. This pretty much just meant that she was terminal and there to be kept comfortable until she died. Thursday was horribly hard for me. Grandma was restless and moaning. She still wasn't very aware of what was going on, but she was notably unhappy. It really tore into me to see her this way. This was when I started wishing for her let go. I felt really horrible to feel that way because I felt that I should be wishing for her stay with us, but there was no hope for her to get better, and she seemed like she was in so much suffering. I wanted that to end and for her to move on to peace. But she kept holding on... Friday, I decided I could not handle another hospital visit and that I needed to get some work done. I did put forth a good effort to work, but I feel short only getting about 3 hours done. Instead, I called up a friend from high school and was able to go over to her house to visit with her. It was really good seeing her and her 3 little girls. After a while, I started feeling that need to go home, so I said good bye and headed back to my parents house. When I got there, my parents told me that they had gotten the call. Grandma had died. They had all (my Mom's brothers and sisters) and met up at the hospital after a few of them had had an appointment at the funeral home to make sure everything would be ready. Most of them had been there at one time or another over the past few days except one sister. It was shortly after she had left, that Grandma died. We think she was just waiting for her last daughter to come to her, tell her it was alright, and say goodbye. I didn't start crying. I felt sad, but at the same time, I felt peace for her. The week of July 4th is always the week that my mom's family goes to the beach for a week, and this year they needed it even more. So that night my parents hurried themselves packing and headed down to Myrtle Beach Saturday morning. I thought the time by myself at the house would help me start grieving, but I still couldn't. I held myself up so tight for the past couple days, that I still couldn't let myself go. I was just numb. I did, however, fell the need to binge out on B&J's ice cream. Saturday night, Sister and Brother-In-Law got in. It was BIL's birthday - poor guy. Sunday, just existed, I don't really remember doing much. Today though was the visitation and funeral. Grandma was all dressed up and looked quiet and sleeping. Under the nice outfit that she had worn at Sister's wedding was a red t-shirt. My little cousins had bought that shirt for her a few weeks back at Disney world. Grandma was in the hospital then, so they just showed it to her, and she was never able to wear it. At the visitation, I was still very numb. It came in little waves, but the big stuff was still being held back somewhere deep inside. We stood around and talked. I was able to see a few relatives that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was at the end of the visitation that it hit me. I was standing outside waiting for Grandma to be moved to the awaiting hearse for the precession to the grave site. I was looking in the door and saw two men from the funeral home rolling the casket down the hall. All of the sudden it hit me. It was my Grandma, and she was being taken away. I wanted to jump out of my skin. I wanted to run to the casket and tell them to get away from my Grandma. She was mine, and they couldn't take her away from me. I want to scream out to her that I loved her and that I didn't want to lose her. Daddy must have seen whatever it was snap inside of me. He had gone to put something in the car, and I was just standing by myself. All I know is that all of the sudden he was by my side holding me as I just sobbed. My Grandma was gone. They were taking her away from me. I watched as they put her in the hearse, and then we got into the car. I started crying again as we drove down the streets of Camden. At the first intersection, a cop car sat to block traffic, and the officer was standing next to it with his hat over his heart in tribute to our loss. It was very touching to see each of the cops doing this as we made our way through town. The grave site funeral was short and very catholic. Afterwards, we talked so me more. Grandma is now resting next to Granddad, who died a little over 20 years ago. I am still breaking out into tears every now and then. I'm really going to miss her. I imagine it'll be really hard this Christmas when she isn't there, and we aren't at her house. It is good that my family have this week at the beach together. I think it will help them grieve together and heel together.

My Grandmother is dieing. Her health has been up and down for awhile now, but she was getting better. She was even released from the hospital in time for Sister's wedding. But when she went back into the hospital this second time, it has been one problem after another. I some how knew all day that I need to talk to my parents. I actually called and left a message on the home answering machine about 5 mins before my dad called with the news. They don't expect her to make it through the night. I love my Grandmother. We didn't get along very well when I was younger. She wasn't the "milk and cookies" type grandmother that my Dad's Mother was. She may have missed the boat with my sister and I, but by the time my little cousins came around, she had learned how to be more of a grandmother. Over the past 10 years or so, we had actually grown closer. She had become a wonderful grandmother. I will be going out of town for a couple of days...Take care everyone...

Mr Man and I had a small argument Thursday about wedding planning. Basically, he is only interested in wedding plans b/c he feels that his mother and I have told him he has to be, and he feels like I am pushing to plan too much too soon. Everyone keeps telling him that we are on the ball and ahead of things. In my opinion we are and we aren't. I think a lot of people don't realize how early you have to thing to make sure you get your first choice. Yes, you can wait longer to book things, but it just means that you may not get *exactly* what you want. This is especially true when you are trying to do all this on a budget. Deals go quick. On the plus side, I think we've decided on the photographer - <a href="http://marciasimmons.com/intro.html">Marcia Simmons</a>. She is giving us a fairly good price for 4 hours of photography. I would rather <a href="http://bludomain10.com/daynaschroeder/">Dayna</a>, but the price she is giving us for only 3.5 hrs is $300 more. And while practically all of her pictures are at the quality shown on her website, Marcia can still hit about 85%, which for $300 I'm willing to do. I can use that money somewhere else. I feel there are many things about the wedding that are beyond over priced; however, I gotta say, I didn't think i would be looking at spending $150-$250 on chairs for the ceremony. Just plain ol' chairs. *thud* When you look at it being only 2.00-3.00 a chair, you don't think much about it until you multiply it by 75. *sigh* So much money...I'm starting to see how people spend $10,000-15,000 on a wedding, and that is sad.

Yes - I too have learned this one the hard way. I feel that anything over 1 mile away should not be on the interstate sign.

I wrote this yesterday at the plant while I waited for my co-worker to finish up his part of the work. To all the parents, I salute you. On the way to the plant my co-worker and I got into a conversation about different decisions you have to make as a parent (he is one & we often talk about his kids as he has two wonderful little boys) and just parenting in general. It really got me thinking. With the wedding coming up, Mr Man and I have started talking about kids as well. (No, put the knitting needles away. It's not time start making booties yet.) Parenting is hard (Duh - I know). Trying to decide what is best for this whole other life and not screwing them up for life. My parents did well by me, and I think I came out OK. However, the thought that I may one day be a parent, is rather scary. What if I screw up? There is no do over with parenting. How do I know that I'll make a good parent, and my kids will turn out ok? How does one weight what your child wants versus what one feels is right for them? There is so much that must be done to help develop the child into a functioning adult that can make the "right decisions" by themselves. I see a disfunctional child/teen, and I think that parenting must have gone wrong somewhere to make the child act in such a manner, but I don't know that I would be any better. I just don't know how you do it. Ya know, it's really intimidating. Being a parent is a huge responsibility. I want to believe that I won't fail my childern, but how do I know? *sigh* I guess I just don't. I just need to have faith that I can somehow do it and hope that it'll work out. Parents, I am in awe of what you do.

I also feel the need to make a public statement of sorts. EBay pulled my auction for the partial bottle of Mitzvah. The "official" reason was that the auction was for a "counterfeit or unauthorized reproduction". The reason given to me by customer service is that it they felt I had placed another perfume into the Lab's bottle or was otherwise using the Lab's bottle as a gimmick. I would like to assure everyone that this is not true. That what is in the Mitzvah bottle was bought straight from the lab and has always been in that bottle. I am talking with eBay costumer support to try to figure out what is going on. I hope to re-list it, but it is unknown if this will be possible. I am still rather pissed about this...but I'm trying to work on getting everything straight.

I am pissed this morning. Apparently, Someone told eBay that my auction (for Mitzvah) was a "counterfeit or unauthorized reproduction." Excuse me? Um...take a look at either one of the two pictures. It's the real thing. So then, they must think the pictures are fake - so then I want to know how they figure that. Trademark Infringement, my ass. There are several reasons why someone may do this - rather out of spite, vendetta against me or eBay selling, price (not that I know what the bid was at last I saw it was only $12, but I was gone all evening), or what. Either way - I'm pissed because it is a sophomoric and bitchy way to handle the situation. Accuse me of Trademark Infringement, huh? How does Slander sound? Now, I feel like I need to do some sort of public announcement to inform the bidders of my other auctions of why the major one that they all were probably watching disappeared and assure them that I have been wrong accused all b/c some asshole can't use more appropriate means of expressing their issues. Grrr. At least with BPAL I do have a way that I can make such a statement. Maybe, I am taking this too personally, but to me, this is a personal attack to my credibility. I have always try my best to be honest, straight forward, and fair - it's the damn Libra in me. It really hurts and pisses me off to have someone do this too me. I have emailed eBay (in a much calmer manner), and I plan to follow up with them and get this sorted out. With any luck, I'll get the bottle re-listed soon. I hope that there is some sort of action that can be taken against my accuser, but I doubt there will be. Either way, I understand eBay's need to patrol and protect us from all the bogus auctions, but to just pull my auction without even checking with me or allowing me to defend myself. I would think there would be a better way...

I tried to join with Tarot Chat last night - but a mild migraine forced me to bed early. However, with Mr Man busy all night, I am willing to meet with anyone who wants a reading tonight or tomorrow night - just send me a PM and we can set up a time.

This weekend my parents were in town. I really enjoy being around them. They are lots of fun and easy going. When I think back and try answering the question, "What did you do all weekend," I kinda lack in an answer. For the most part we hung out. They came in Thursday around noon, so we meet up for lunch at Frenchy's (off the beach) for some yummy grouper sandwiches. I've been craving a grouper sandwich for several weeks now. After that, I head back to work, and they headed to the beach. My parents are beach bums and enjoy nothing more than just relaxing at the beach. I feel kinda bad not being able to take off work to spend more time with them, but they also understand that I can't afford the time off right now. That night, Mr Man and I joined them up at their beachfront hotel for a relaxing night in. Friday, I was back at work, and my parents were back on the beach. They spent most of the day there before switching to a cheaper hotel for the rest of the stay. Friday night we went to a yummy Mexican restaurant did more hanging out and talking. Saturday was our one day of activity. We got up and meet at Joe's Crab Shack for lunch, for which MOH joined us. Then it was across the street to David's Bridal where I bought The Dress. =) We also looked for Mother of the Bride dresses for Sister's wedding and bridesmaid dresses for MOH. We are still fairly undecided on those for now. After David's Mr Man joined my parents and I for a trip to the mall. Momma still needed a dress, I need silver shoes for Sister's Wedding, and Mr Man needed a new suit. None of us can home with anything. Next we head out to the wedding site - Sand Key Park. The fun thing was that we got there just before sunset, and there were two wedding that must have just ended b/c the bride and groom were still there taking pictures. Getting there at this time, however, was very helpful. I now know that the park does face due west, so I should angle the chairs more towards north as not to blind everyone. This is still good though because it means that I'll have the rock jetty in the background, which still makes for a lovely scene. The one negative thing is that I'm kinda half wondering if my wedding is a little too big for a beach wedding. Most of the ceremonies I've seen there are only 10-30 people, and I'm looking at 60-75. I'm worried about people in the back being able to hear us. After that we continued on to the hotel and reception site - Holiday Inn Harbourside. This is also where we ate dinner at the Brewmaster's Steakhouse - (mini review is that it is not quite worth the money but still good food). There were a few receptions going on here as well - which is fun b/c it shows my parents more of what to expect. Actually, I think if it was for my mother being the voice of reason, my dad would have crashed the wedding reception going on in the room I'll be using. Sunday, we meet up for breakfast at Country Harvest. After which Mr Man and I went out to find him a suit b/c he needed it for yesterday - which we did at Kohl's for a great price. I love Kohl's. Once back home, Momma and Daddy came over to our place. We just hung out and talked about everything. I made a lovely cake for after dinner. We fixed up some hors d'oeuvres and exchange Christmas gifts. (Yes, it took us this long to get together for Christmas!) I made some yummy lasagna for dinner, and we followed it up with the cake. Yesterday, my parents headed home, and Mr Man left for St Louis. He is out there for a couple days for some training. Now my life is back to boring with work and home watching tv. I have to go out shopping tonight to try to find something to wear to Mr Man's boss's wedding on Saturday. Hopefully, at some point this week, my boss will find some time for my annual review. I need a raise to help pay for my wedding. It is so hard to find good stuff for the low budget bride.

Last night was much, much fun. I went to a local Irish restaurant. They put up a big tent with lots of music, including dancers and bagpipe band. They also had my favorite - bangers! Mmmmmm! Then there was the fun of beer - both green & Killian's, jello shots, and one random hit of Tequila. Towards the end of the night, I needed to sit down, so I headed out of the throng of people in front of the stage. My friends were close behind me at first. Once I was out and found somewhere to sit, I turned to see they were gone. So I set down to try to figure out what to do. I give you drunk and lost: I remembered that we had joked earlier that if separated we should head to the radio tent (my FI used to work for them). So, I got up and headed to it where I found them waiting for me. The night was quite eventful, and there was much more to it. However, for now my head hurts, and I don't have the concentration to write it.

Monday was ended up being a bad day. I would like to be able to point at some point and say, "That's when my bad mood started," but I can't. I know I was in a decent enough mood earlier in the day. However, by the time I got home from work, my mood was shit. I think it started b/c I had a headache. Not a full blown migraine, just an annoying, nagging, sharp pain in my temples. I was trying to make myself go to the gym the whole way home, but as soon as I opened the door to my house, all possibility of going to the gym went out the window. I was greeted by the reek of dog shit. Brutus had taken a shit in his kennel at some point during the day, and then proceeded to track it all over his kennel and into his doggie bed. Great. I spent the next hour cleaning his kennel and giving him a bath. He isn't the most horrid dog to bathe *glares at Mika*; he just stands or sits there and takes it, but it still isn't fun, and it isn't what I want to deal with as soon as I get home. I've never quite figured out why dogs dislike baths. Personally, I would think they would love them - it is basically a full body massage. After bathing him and returning him to his kennel (for his own protection from me), the house still reeked of dog shit. I decided that I had to do something about it and ran over to the CVS to pick up some air fresheners. Once I picked out what I wanted and got up to the counter, I realized I left my wallet at home. I had to run back home, get my wallet, and head back to pick up my air fresheners. After all that, then add that meanwhile Mr Man was having a bad a day at work with a few deals falling apart, so when he got home, he was in a shitty a mood. It just wasn't a good night. We also watched V for Vendetta, which I enjoyed, however, it did not make for a mood lifter by any means. Yesterday was a bit quieter. The only main thing that happened is that apparently the second course in cake decorating was pushed back a week and half. Now I'm not so sure that I'll take it or what that'll mean. I may just wait a little bit before taking the course again. Today, I have found it hard to concentrate on work. I keep thinking about the wedding and decorating. I think that is because I was looking at decorations last night a Michaels. If I go with CBRC, which I think I will, this is what I'm thinking. Here is the space (poorly decorated for a wedding) from a picture I took last weekend: http://korshkaswedding.googlepages.com/IMG_1529.jpg I'm thinking about a variation for an example shown on their website: http://korshkaswedding.googlepages.com/IMG_0227v.jpg Here is my quick sketch (what am I actually supposed to do work at work): http://korshkaswedding.googlepages.com/Sketch.jpg I am thinking about using a darker fabric to drape along the ceiling like a dark grey. Then I would pok holes in it and put Christmas lights (or the clear version of these) through them (that's what all the dots are). This would give it a "starry sky" like feel. The globes hanging down would be dark wine/maroon colored lanterns. I'm not sure how, but I'm confident I can figure out how to make these. I have some at home that I can use as shells to cover that have battery powered lights in them. Then use a few fake trees around the room to finish it off. The trees could also be decorated with lights or something cooler. How does this sound a rough idea? Am I being a total dreamer thinking this set up could look nice and elegant? How much do think it would cost (not including the fake trees)? $300 or so? Anyone want to let me barrow their white Christmas lights after Christmas this year?

*hugs* I hope your back gets better. I didn't realize when I saw you in chat just how bad it was.

I'm probably just paranoid, but I placed a paypal order this morning. However, when I received the receipt from PayPal it didn't have my "notes" section like it usually does. Does this mean the lab didn't receive it either?