spanishviolet

Thanks, and back ... I'm hoping things start tending that way - right now they're kind of penduluming (not a word, probably ...). For the most part I can think that this will end up being better in the long run - but in the short run it hurts more than I could have believed. I forget most of the time how very physical sadness can be ... But it helps to have friends & forumites to turn to. I think right now I'll try the gentleness advice & go have some tea.

Thanks - that helps. back ...

Tried to take a better picture, but it didn't quite work out ... Sorry for the fuzziness. Seven of Wands. Not sure what to make of it, so I did a little comparative setup with the Celtic Dragon, Llewellyn, Robin Wood, & Halloween decks. Am currently a bit preoccupied by something I learned at a party the other night. I drank too much for how little food I had consumed that day, so lost a lot of party time to sitting veryverystill & then curling up next to the toilet. During the latter stage, a former coworker I've been friendly with but never really close to came in to sit with me, & while we were in there, she was telling me that my friends are concerned that my boyfriend is too controlling, & trying to find out how I felt about it. I wasn't quite sure what to say. I've thought that myself sometimes, but we've discussed it & it's one of the things we've been negotiating. I'm sad that part is what they see, and that they don't see the things that I'm so in love with (his humor, kindness, smarts, sense of wonder ...). I know we don't have a perfect relationship, but I don't believe in perfect, not being perfect myself, and I think we have a lot going for us. I just wish my friends & family liked him more. It's very isolating to know they're all looking sideways at him ... Just feeling a bit melancholy today, I guess. Fits with the ice & coldness outside. Time for a mug of chestnut tea ...

I love the Winter lights idea. People should do this! Just take them down in March or something. I just don't understand how some people go to the trouble of putting up lights, & then take them all down on Christmas Day. Leave them until New Year's, at least! Do they really run out of festive spirit that quickly? Hope you're enjoying the tart & festive music. I'm kind of doing the same thing - Mexican cocoa candle, mug of coffee, pondering taking a bath. (Leftover vacation days that have to be used up by the end of the month - excellent!)

I haven't done much with my tarot decks the last few months - I've been kind of vegging online in my spare time, I guess. Bad me. But the last week or so, I've been carrying my newest deck (the Llywellyn Tarot - gorgeous watercolor style, based on Welsh mythology) around in my bag & doing a one-card reading each morning. It's been very interesting, & usually amazingly on-target - when an argument came up on a previously happy day, my first thought was, "So that's what that 3 of Swords was about!" But I'm detecting a theme - 8 of Swords one day (feeling powerless, needing to open eyes & take action?), Hanged Man another (sometimes a regenerative time of no action, sometimes a "stop waiting for other people to force you to a decision"), and today, the Death card (minor changes no longer enough. Change is necessary, and it'll hurt, but lead somewhere. Stop clinging to the old). Can't say it's surprising, but I still don't know what to do. My living situation the past year has led to intense conflict & estrangement from my little brother and my best friend of the past ten years, and periodic strains in my relationship with my boyfriend. I end up trying to mediate between the man I love & my closest friend ever, who now hate each other, & that's not even bringing up how much my brother has put me in a bad situation & doesn't seem to care. Argh. So I'm just trying to focus on the little things that get me by, & make of each day what I can, & put off Big Unpleasantnesses ... but these readings are reminding me you can't put off Reckonings forever. I still don't know what to do about anything though ... Guess I'll stick with day by day mode a little longer?

Congratulations on the employment!

This is so very beautiful. I liked both previous releases of 13 that I had, especially this spring's, but I can tell this one is even better for me. I can't stop sniffing ... Cocoa, lavender, rooibos, nutmeg, with just a bit of vanilla & sandalwood. It's a very sophisticated foodie blend. Why hasn't anyone combined dry cocoa & lavender before?!

First off, a blast of something that I thought was tobacco leaf (causing me much confusion in trying to figure out which wrist was which Trick). It must have been the magnolia combining with the leather. I loved everything in the description except the black leather - most leather notes smell flat & dead on me. That magnolia/leather holds strong for about fifteen minutes. Then I begin to get hints of some sort of musky floral. But I really have to snuffle to get anything. I wasn't expecting it to pull such a quick fade. Just as it starts to smell good, too ... Early reviews had me hopeful - I would have loved vanilla/patchouli or uber-floral. As it is, I'm torn between letting it age, hoping it will last long enough to smell good, or swapping it.

Glad you had a fun trip! And good luck on getting the job situation settled out smoothly ... I haven't ordered an Inquisition yet, but probably will any day now. Those tricks both sound great ... I really need to get around to posting a sale page to make some space, & funds!

Dreamland is my perfect rainy day scent, for when it's grey & misty & drizzling all day long. The soft florals & musk fit just right ...

I've been having a craptacular month (summer, year ...), & sometimes it just gets a bit overwhelming. The other day I dug out my bottle of Anthelion (Overcomes poverty, illness, and bad luck. Drives off despair and grief, and enables you to find hope and joy in life again). I've worn it before & been impressed both times, but feel reluctant to wear it too often for fear of ... I don't know, wearing it out? Asking too much & breaking it? But I definitely needed a lift, so wore it Tuesday. The day started out not-so-great (I'm getting a Needs Improvement on my mid-year review - but my manager did say she's going to move me to another position since she knows I hate training), but then later my favorite former co-worker got called in to cover someone else's shift, and my boyfriend showed up to play games with the group in the cafe like he used to do, before his schedule got rearranged & he couldn't anymore. So I got to talk to my friend & see Jason & be all happy, & he gave me a ride home so I didn't have to wait for the bus, & we got yummy tacos & all was good. Little glimpses of how good life can be sometimes really help you carry on when things just completely suck the rest of the time ... Now I need to find my bottle of Lionheart (Grants you immense amounts of courage and drive. Useful to help you recover from intense depression and ennui. Brings on a positive outlook, renews hope, and replenishes positive energy. Fills your spirit with the courage and nobility of a lion, warmed by the life-giving joy of its solar aspects). I keep misplacing things lately - really need to make a sales post & clear things out ...

Randomly picked this out of my to-try pile today & decided to give it a try after checking out the notes. I seem to recall thinking it was too sweet in the imp when I first got it, but I'm craving sweet today, so let's see ... And why haven't I ever put this on before?!? I smell soso good ... wow. Apparently vetiver loves me - it's great in Lex Talionis & my CTIII, & now here. The vetiver-y edge keeps the mix of vanilla-honey-cherry-clove from being too boringly candy-sweet - I can't stop sniffing my wrists! For me this is the same sort of scent mood as Dragon's Milk, just a little darker - more going-out-evening instead of settling-down-with-book evening. Admittedly, it is a bit strong for late-August-in-Dallas heat - maybe next time I ought to slather a bit less. But overall, thumbs up! This goes onto my growing list of GC bottle wants.

The dog has been barking a lot in her sleep today. She woke me up that way this morning, but it was so cute I couldn't be annoyed. They just sort of bubble up out of her ... I hope in her dreams she scares all the intruders away, the way she can't in real life because she only weighs 12 pounds.

Another day, another attempt at a blog ... I keep thinking bloggy thoughts lately and then end up surfing away all my internet time. As it turns out, sharing a house with my boyfriend, best friend, & brother was The Worst Idea Ever. Pfui. Nobody gets along, and it is all very tense. And they all complain to me about each other instead of talking directly. Except for Chrissy, who apparently hates everybody now because we're all too noisy. C'est la vie ... I am trying to embrace positive thoughts. For instance, I totaled my car in June during the move (it was a nice four months of car-ownership ), but the house we're renting is two minutes walk from the bus stop, and by extreme good luck the bus route that runs nearby is the one that curves around & goes right by my workplace. Also, the bus is airconditioned, where the car was not, and I have forty minutes each way to read, so I've been going through books like mad recently. See? All positive. This morning I dug through my to-try imp box and found Baghdad. There's the saffron note that works so well on me in Underpants! Days off are perfect for imp testing - I sit around & drink coffee while enjoying some new fragrance, and by the time I'm ready to shower & get all gussied up for the day, it's worn off & I can decide what known scent I'm in the mood for.

The bus has a lot going for it, I admit (hey, I'm being environmentally responsible! ). Fights? Guess I've been lucky so far - the main hazard seems to be getting caught up in an exciting passage in my book & missing my stop. Must remember to look up more often ... I thought this whole cohabitation thing might work out, because Chrissy & I have been roommates for ten years in August - since we were randomly assigned together freshman year. But I guess our quirks just happen to work out fairly well together, and introducing new people into that has wreaked havoc. I'm hoping we can talk things out soon, but she seems to be hunkering down into hostile mode ... sigh. Thanks for the good wishes!

My younger brother just made a Myspace page lately, and he's gotten caught up in new-blog-excitement. I remember this from when I first made my LJ & was posting all the time - then people found it & I got all self-conscious & now it's pretty much just quizzes & random musings. My brother's first few entries were about music, movies, his disenchantment with modern baseball - all well & good. His last entry started out talking about the finale of some show he watches, then ended with this: "I realized a few nights ago when I stopped talking. I figure that I was pretty normal in Mountain Home (K-2) and again in Staunton (3&4). But I completely shut down after we moved to Haleyville (5th grade). I've been drifting these last 14 years. Was this change as marked as I'm remembering? or was I never normal?" My brother never says anything introspective. Never! I simultaneously want to hug him & tell him he'll be fine, and am thinking, No! Anyone can stumble across stuff you put on the internet - cousins, family ... We are a reticent, secretive people (he doesn't talk much, really, but many people talk too much - we're just quiet and he's the quietest), and I'm suspicious of any opening up. Maybe he'll think better of it soon & edit the entry - I did that with several blog entries myself when I realized more than two people had found it. He'll be moving up here in a couple of weeks. Maybe switching locales will help, & he'll start feeling more adventurous & positive. That's another reason I really wanted a four-bedroom house, even though some friends of mine thought it wasn't a good idea. He gets along with the other two people we'll be living with, and if he was going to get his own place he would have done it already. This seems like a good first step ...

Oh, I can't stand the post-game commentary ... the good stuff's over and you'll be listening to the sports radio in the morning, can't we do something else now? The sports themselves, I'm mixed about. My family got into baseball in a major way when I was in junior high - at first I took a book to the games, then I too got into the madness & later added hockey after reading Wayne Gretzky's autobiography. When I moved off to college, I found myself never keeping up with any sports - it was all something vaguely interesting my brother would tell me about. I still enjoy going to the games on family vacations, but the only way I'd watch them on tv would be if I had some big knitting project to occupy me & keep my brain going, & there was no one else at home to object! Lately I've been watching the Mavericks game with Jason because basketball's the only sport he's really into. It's all still a bit too random & fast-paced for me (they couldn't keep the other team from scoring for four seconds?!!?!), but at least these last few games have been pretty suspenseful.

Today the sun is shining & all is right with my world. Yay for two happy days in a row! We have a house, will sign the lease soon. Everybody will have their own bathroom, and my brother will be able to get out of our parent's house & get a bit of a new start. The dog will have a yard to sniff around in, and there will be high-speed internet! Goodbye, evil dial-up. Yesterday I started reading Little, Big by John Crowley. I've seen lots of raves for it & had it recommended by a friend whose opinion I trust, but haven't read it before. I tried once in high school, but drifted away. Also I remember being slowed down by having to look up more words than I was used to. I wasn't aware my vocabulary had increased that much since high school, but apparently it has, because so far I haven't come across anything I can't figure out. Odd ... A few months ago, one of our friends started a book club because she was frustrated with the one she had been in, and our last meeting on Sunday was a lot of fun. Excellent discussion, over both the book (The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana) and some tangential issues raised by the style it was written in. On the way home, Jason & I debated a couple of things that had gotten passed over in the general group discussion. My brain felt all exercised and happy, which got me all ambitious at work the next day - I picked out several exciting, thought-provoking looking books to read next (I work in a bookstore, so I can check out the new books). This book club has been a lot of fun - reminded me of the joys of reading a book with my thinking-hat on instead of just for relaxation or entertainment. Ah, brain-usingness - I forgot how much fun you can be!

Oh, I've been thinking the same thing craft-wise ... my yarn has all been sitting in the closet for the last year or so. My fingers keep twitching & I keep looking at knitting patterns, but I haven't picked anything yet to make ... The two I was choosing between for the next book club were Specimen Days by Michael Cunningham (I loved The Hours - his prose is so crystal-perfect beautiful) and Zorro by Isabel Allende (I've eyed her other books at work but never read one. This seems perfect to start with - Zorro's an old family favorite, whether it be Tyrone Power, Antonio Banderas, or that guy on the Disney channel). Little Big is off to a really good start too - I came across a description at the wedding scene where the groom is described as "feeling full of music head to foot" - I loved that! I need me some more bits of beautiful prose to write down in my journal of snippets - it hasn't had any new entries in a while ...

So, we got approved on a house in the general area we wanted (yay), but then my roommate blew up over stuff she had been letting build up a while. This moving thing is a disaster. Ridiculous levels of stress, exposing all sorts of problems that had been building up. I guess I'll have to get over being angry at how mean she was & talk to her about this stuff, or I'll have lost my best friend & have nowhere to live. Plus, my guy has been trying to help everyone get along, but he's upset over how all this stress has affected our sex life. Which, I'm trying, but ... crazy stress!!! All my anchors are missing ... At least the dog still loves me. The cat seems pretty indifferent, but his food bowl's full, so that's only to be expected. Time to stop feeling sorry for myself & go to work.

Oh, THAT thread ... Who thought anonymous was a good idea anyway? Yikes!

I feel your dial-up pain ... We moved my guy out of his apartment last week into mine while we look for a new place to rent, and now we have no speedy internet access, only sad slow dial-up. I feel so out-of-the-loop forumwise, since I can't get on everyday. At least there haven't been any one-day updates so far!

At first, the lemony-powder notes were a bit too much for me, and I frowned. But then a few minutes passed, and suddenly I had this lovely white springy scent wafting lightly up from my wrists. It seemed innocuous enough, but I kept being drawn to sniff it. After a while, I could smell the musk from Dorian, and felt quite innocently sexy, in a way that only someone snuggled up close would be able to smell. Overall, a calm & happy scent that will be perfect for gorgeous spring days like today.

I could hardly bear to stop sniffing this. But I had to because I'd put it inside my elbow & couldn't walk around at work all day with my nose in my elbow. Wrists, I'm sure everyone's used to by now ... Anyway! The early caramel reviews scared me, since Red Lantern was so overbearing on me. But then I sniffed it - OMG! The most delicious rich vanilla, with a sandalwoody dryness keeping it from being too foody, with a saffrony tinge of spice. Saffron has been a bit weird for me in other scents, but here it all works! Just couldn't believe how divine this was. A bit of foodiness to smell like rich vanilla deliciousness, but not so much that I got bored like the last few cakey scents I tried. I have a new love!

I can't tell, but I think I may have just posted all the entries I wrote weeks ago. No wonder no one commented on them. I feel kind of stupid, but from reading other blogs I know at least I'm not alone! Have to go pack now. I'm helping my boyfriend pack up all his stuff - most is going into storage, the rest will come with him to stay at my apartment with me & my roommate & our cat & dog (so cozy!) for the next month till our lease runs out. Then we'll move into the new place which we have not found yet.