UploadedLobster

Penitence CCXVIII (#218) I have no idea where the Penitence is in this. This is a dry Penitence martini, I think--as though the Labbies swished Penitence around in the bottle, poured it out, and then refilled the bottle with Khajuraho? There's a dominant musky floral note in here that I remember from Khajuraho and Kubla Khan both, which pretty much guarantees it's champaca. STRONG champaca. It's very lightly sweet but not because I can detect any notes that would be sweet on their own (i.e., no vanilla, no fruit, no sugar, no spices). It's probably the frankincense. Champaca and the little tiny bit of myrrh turn out to have a powerful sympathy I hadn't expected, and really like. I can't tell if it's a very simple blend or a very complicated one. Everything floats together seamlessly. It's an expertly-calibrated balance of very big powerful notes that makes a huge single-note BOOM of a perfume. It throws like a champ, and lasts all day. Lobster Rating better than: finally remembering the title of a song you were trying to tell someone about three days ago

Oh wow. This is PERFECT amber. I really don't know what else to say about it, this is a smell that should glow in the sun. Rich and thick and summer-sweet and spicy. Resinous but with absolutely no sharpness. @#$%@# gorgeous. I've never wished so hard that the Lab still sold 10mls. Why haven't I been buying and wearing and raving about this for years? Lobster Rating better than: anything I can think of right now, holy @#$*

I know what the Lab is capable of when the Lab turns the dial to SWEET. Unsuspecting persons become trapped in a sudden crystallization of supersaturated airborne sugar and have to chew their way out if they want to be able to put down the perfume and go anywhere. So, honey-sweet and lotus? Man, my chewing muscles were ready. Turns out, this is not HALF as sweet as I was expecting. Not even close. There's honey, but it's turned to 4 or 5 instead of 11, and the lotus is turned to about 2. It's thin and vaguely floral, with a weird chemical sharpness. It has none of the depth that the honey notes usually have. This perfume is all surface, and it's a surface with a cheap floral print. Blecht. Lobster Rating better than: that thing that was killing all the bees but is mostly okay now

Heya. Here we are at the ol' dragon ranch, time to rope us up a biggun! ...whoa nelly, pardner, you caught yerself a Buick thar. The paddock's back yonder. There y'go, now yer pointin' the right way, just give that rope a twirl and catch yerself a lizard so big an' fierce it'll scare the stink off a sock...lookit, there's a surly old bastard by the edge of the paddock! Go for that one! ...you done caught the Buick again, ma'am. A biggun may not be the 'un for you, ma'am. Here, we got this little red filly--sweet as summer honey. C'mon over here, sugar. See, there, see how smooth she is. Hear that little purr there, ain't that just precious as hell. Little smoky but she won't set yer curtains afire or nothin'. Take her home, why don'cha? Dish 'a milk in the morning, walkies twice a day. There y'go. ...no, ma'am, you can't take the $@#$% Buick too. Lobster Rating better than: big zoo cats sleeping in the sun like non-big non-zoo cats

This is the scent of your fourth pina colada--the super-rich, super-thick one that you drank most of until there was just sweet coconutty rummy sludge in the bottom, and then passed out in. There's a wedge of pineapple and a vanilla orchid garnish mooshed against your forehead. There's not quite enough base to anchor all this fruity goodness so it floats away pretty quickly and leaves you flopped back in your chair with that flower still stuck to your head. It's a pretty flower, and it's stuck on there really good. I quite like it. I don't get pina coladas for the garnish, though--I had hoped the coconut would hang around longer. Lobster Rating better than: that one time you went to the tourist bar in Cancun and got super-wasted and fell over the table of that nice Canadian couple who were so cool about it when you knocked over their drinks

When I'm diggin', I wear my dirty-hippie smells. Pretty much anything with Big Funky Patchouliwaffles in it. Coiled Serpent is a big fave, and so is Anne Bonny.

I was hoping to get a recommendation--I'm planning to cosplay Casimira, from the book Palimpsest. She's a dream-city's matriarch and the mother of swarms of mechanical bees, crickets, mice, and all kinds of other assorted urban what-not that know everything that goes on, everywhere. She's full of love and her will is law. And she wears a bustle! There's actually a scent named for her already, but that citrus-heavy interpretation doesn't move me. I'd love to hear any other thoughts on what Casimira might smell like. Preferably GC?

Penitence Variant #: III (3) Penitence is a bit player in this. It's very herbal, piney, and minty with the frankincense resin backing it up. There's a subtle rose note in there somewhere, which doesn't seem like it would go but actually really does. I had no love for this at first but it has seriously grown on me. It's a lot like the Apothecary, but less overtly masculine and no hint of soap. Very bracing and clean-smelling, but with a little sweet to take the astringence off. Wait, I got it. Juke Joint. This perfume is what happens when an Apothecary gets up to mischief in a Juke Joint and has to do a little Penitence afterward. That's the best possible description I can give for this thing. A few hours later, everything else has burned off and it's lightly rosey Penitence. I love that.

When I wear this, I am a confection. But not just any confection. I am a superhero confection, with a secret identity. Like all superhero secret identities, it doesn't take long to ditch and get to the fun stuff. The chocolate gets whipped off almost immediately to reveal--PEPPER! Dun dun da dunnnnn! And pepper saves the day from what might otherwise be a too-sweet, too-caramel scent. People cheer! There's a splash page with Thirteen flying away, waving to the joyous crowd! Next issue: it has to fight Troll! Lobster Rating better than: those issues where all the good guys are mind-controlled and fight each other while the bad guys eat popcorn

Thirteen is what happens when Shub-Niggurath grows up and gets its period. (Brilliant stuff. Dark, spicy, sweet and rich. In that order.) Lobster Rating better than: the inside of a merino-wool sweater

Okayokay. Get this: Troll and Kathmandu have a baby, and it's Jezirat Al Tennyn. There's the high-pitched smoky rootiness of Kathmandu complete with the little tart sniff of galangal, and the charred-stuff-and-dirt of Troll. It totally works. It makes for a really gnarly blend of earth and wind and fire; Yngwie Malmsteen probably smells like this. Yngwieeeeeeeeee. Yeah, I dig it. Gotta go walk into some wind with a big coat on. Lobster Rating better than: air guitar windmill

Am I the only person planning to wear a special smelly for President's Day? I missed all the Election Day scents so I'm whipping out, with just a hint of irony, The Great Sword of War.

Toad, from the Wind in the Willows series, actually has motor oil as a listed note. Ditto Mechanical Phoenix, from last year's Anniversary series. Toad and MP reviews both call them as very cologne-y and not terribly oil-y, though. My own bottle of Mechanical Phoenix agrees with that. Black Ice, another limited edition from a while back, has an 'asphalt' note and a touch of vetiver that might be worth trying. As for some General Catalog blends, I did a quick search for "motor oil" in reviews and came up with Czernobog, Malediction, and Highwayman as likely burly-man options. Troll doesn't smell of motor oil, but it IS burly and badass and grimy and smells slightly of charred things. He might dig that.

"HELLO LOBSTER I WOULD LIKE YOU TO HAVE SOME CHOCOLATE AND AMBER PLZ" "Oh, hi Gelt! Okay!" "IT'S DARK CHOCOLATE YOU LIKE THAT RIGHT" "Oooh, I do! My, you're strong. Your notes blend really well." "I WOULD LIKE YOU TO NOTE THAT I AM VERY FANCY-SMELLING" "Goodness yes, you are. My neck smells really expensive now. Elegant but approachable." "I'M JUST GOING TO WAIT HERE FOR A WHILE IS THAT COOL" "That's very cool, you just chill out while I go about my business and catch whiffs of you and rejoice that the chocolate in you doesn't burn off in 15 seconds the way it does with every other chocolate blend I've tried. Must be the amber." *** A Few Hours Later! *** "YOUR LOVEMONKEY SEEMS TO BE HOME NOW" "Hi, lovemonkey!" "LOVEMONKEYS LIKE ME, I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THAT" "<3" Lobster Rating better than: videos of cats on trampolines

Short Review: Eat Me without the cherries. Tall Double Nonfat Review: The Happy Tropical Pig on Aeaea's label has a new friend, and it's the I CAN HAS CUPCAKE LOL Beaver. As for the scent, it's exactly what the Lab says it is--cupcakes and cheesecake. There's a very faint milky note that demonstrates yes, this IS a cheesecake in here, but it burns off quickly and what's left is basically a happy bouncy cake-vanilla-sugar-omg. I think there's something fruity going on in the background, very similar to the fruit in Eat Me, but it's purely a grace note. Might be cherry, might be pineapple, might even be banana. And since those fruit notes smell nothing alike, I'll just figure it's a whiff of something that would feel at home as part of a banana split and call it good. It's delicious, it's sweet, it's as foody as the day is long and it lasts until the cows come home. It makes jaded store clerks smile and makes people like me. So, you know, pretty much perfect. <3 Lobster Rating better than: the first sunny day in spring