UploadedLobster

This is going to be a short review for a short perfume. Here we go! For five seconds: Cherry. For three minutes: Rosy floral. For half an hour: Soap. After that: Nothin'. Ta daaaaaa! Probably won't wear this again. Thank god it was a frimp. Lobster Rating Better than: sleet

Hemlock is sharp and bracing. It is, as far as I can tell, primarily comprised of pine and grapefruit notes. Definitely wakey-wakey juice.

A fresh, complex scent. I get the mint, which is perky, but there's not much sugar and I'm not sure about the bourbon. I certainly DO get a background dirt note, a good wet dirt, and something that smells like sweetgrass or a dandelion stem. It smells like a sunny day in New Orleans after a hard rain. The scent doesn't change on my skin. It's cool without being aquatic, and it's not really herbal, either--hard to pin down. But it's beautiful and PERFECT for spring and summer. My next order will have a big bottle of this. Lobster Rating Better than: driving through a really big puddle

The first time I tried it, I was so very, very unimpressed. It fell into what I call the Lab's "chocolate potpourri sundae" category--a top cocoa note over a bunch of jumbled stuff that usually has at least one weird floral note. Freak Show from Carnaval Noir is one such, Tezcatlipoca in the GC is another one. This time, my second testing, the cocoa was gone in ten seconds. No joke. It didn't even TRY. It just wussed right out, and I'm SO glad. What's left is a faintly sweet mix of musk, vetiver, and pepper. It's a bit masculine but not overwhelmingly so. Definitely a 'power' scent, the sort you want to wear when you have to straighten something out at the bank or buy a car. I dig it. Lobster Rating Better than: purple carrots

(re-post of lost review) In the bottle: Ooooh, cherry and sour grape taffy! Nice. Very edible. On my skin: AUGH AUGH AUUUUGH rancid blackcurrant gummies! This is unspeakably bad. Imagine you've bought a bag of cheap blackcurrant gummies from a gas station, lost it under the driver's seat, and forgotten about it. It sits there next to a heap of grimy old receipts, a friend's empty pack of cigarettes, and a bottle of 10W-30 motor oil until a few years later when you decide to sell the car and you have to clean it out. If you found that bag of blackcurrant gummies, opened it, and ate one, it would taste the way Montresor smells on my wrist right now. One hour later: Still AUUUUUUUUGH. No improvement. I am a goddamn warrior princess for not washing this off already; I do this for YOU, review-readers. Lobster Rating Better than: riding your bike into a tree

In the bottle, P&P smells almost exactly like Al-Azif, my number one favorite scent of all time from the Arkham series. It seems to be the Lab's basic cluster of 'dark incense' notes, very myrrh-y and cedar-y. I am in love at first sniff. <3 Initial scent bomb: Same as the bottle, hurrah! Resins and woods without the sweetness of frankincense coming through yet. Dry on skin: Still smells like the bottle, and is pure incense joy. It's dark and sharp at the same time, perfect for the name. The frankincense is starting to waft up through all this dark stuff. It's still completely sexually marvellous. A completely sexually marvellous evil church. Yes! 3 hours later: Gone, alas. I need more. The frankincense gradually climbs to the top of the scent and stays the longest, with the other stuff lending it depth. I need to swap for some more of this stuff. Hallelujah! Lobster Rating Better than: a comfy chair

In the bottle: complete disbelief. Flowers? I think those are daffodils... On skin: Yes, these are daffodils. Daffodils, lilacs, and sandalwood. It's...uh...okay? I can't detect any spice at all, or any resins. Drydown: All spring floral, all the time. It lasts for a few hours. Frankly I felt deceived, when I smelled this. And again, when I wore it. While Mars is the planet of Aries, and Aries comes around at precisely the time when daffodils and lilacs are blooming, I was expecting a POWERFUL scent. A vigorous robust scent suitable for (as the description lists) LUST, VICTORY, CONQUEST, COURAGE, PHYSICAL STRENGTH, et cetera. And it turns out to be a spring floral. Oh HELL no. Major strikeout for the Lab here. Lobster Rating Better than: shampoo in your eyes

Coconut in Snow White? That's WIERD. I tried Snow White a few months back and remember it being a white floral.

If hen's teeth are so scarce, I figured they'd ALL need dentures. Anyway, largely unhelpful suggestion: Macchu Picchu gives me melon, though it probably shouldn't.

Sweeeeet. I'm trying to get my hands on a Red Lantern right now. NOT easy. I actually was looking for no lime and lots of coconut, but...lime AND coconut is delicious, especially in Thai restaurants. I'll have to try The Star too.

My webcomic, the main character of which is the coconut in my icon, has been on hiatus due to work stuff. I'll have more time in the near future, but I also need a sharp kick in the britches! Smelling like all coconut, all the time should help keep my mind on topic. So what's the coconuttest scent there is?

This was an easy call--on me, Kabuki sucks. Unambiguously. It sucks very, very badly, for a long time, and is in general a plague and a blight on the land of Lobster. The cherry-anise combination is intriguing and actually pretty nice in the bottle, but on my skin the cherry lasts long enough for me to count to ten and then Kabuki turns into a faintly musky anise bomb. FOOM. It remains an anise bomb for the rest of its stay, which in the absence of soap and water turns out to be a pretty long time. ...this perfume also scared my cat. Lobster Rating Better than: being chased off a cliff

This is what I want to smell like when I don't want to smell sweet. God it's beautiful. I know what the listed notes are, and I get lots of cedar just like the bottle says, but I get dust and sweetgrass, too. That may be the sandalwood and patchouli playing tricks on me but I really don't care because the resulting scent is uplifting, strong, and magnificently suggestive of wide-open land--arid fields and desert plains just as the sun starts to bake them. It's what I imagined Coyote would smell like. The staying power of this blend is mighty. 13 hours after putting it on, I still get whiffs through two layers of shirt. It's all sandalwood and cedar at this very advanced stage of drydown. Definitely a very pleasant combination. Aureus somehow conjures up a SPACIOUS feeling. I'm having a hard time thinking of words to explain it, but a foot and a half of personal space in an office feels much larger with Aureus on, and it's not because people are edging away. EDIT: After aging for a couple of months, I am sorry to say that Aureus has changed its character drastically. The drydown is DUST. All dust, all the time. Thick dry dust. It's cloying--almost nauseating, honestly. I can't wear it anymore. Lobster Rating Better than: a tax audit

Bengal will be my next big-bottle purchase. I can't get enough of it. Every single note in it is something I passionately adore, and in this oil they're perfectly balanced. I initially wrote a long bit here about how it was my new favorite scent of all time, even over O and Al-Azif. I have since realized that it isn't better than either one but is, in fact, their unholy love child. It's a happy family. In the bottle: Hot, sweet cinnamon bark and cloves. It's definitely bark, not the ground spice. There are other spices in there, but the cinnamon is the biggie. It's a dry heat. The honey provides a general sweetness but is easily overpowered. Initial scent bomb: The cinnamon bark jumps off my skin. For the first minute or two it's too strong and candylike, but then gradually clove and cardamom and ginger are revealed and the most elegant black tea note you've ever smelt comes in and lounges around in a smoking jacket. Dry, 30 minutes later: The tea and the honey are meshing into what smells a lot like kola nut. Cola. Coke, basically. It's gorgeous, warm, with just a little astringence from the tea to keep it from being cloying. The spices are still there, hot and smooth. Good staying power--by the half-hour mark, most oils have disappeared into the ravening maw of my skin. Dryer, 5 hours later: Still getting the ocasional whiffs, mostly of the kola nut (or the combination of notes that smells just like it) and the cinnamon bark and clove. It has remained sexy, interesting, and delicious at all stages of wear. A WINNER IS BENGAL! Lobster Rating Better than: tapirs!

AIIIIIIIIIIGH. Smut doesn't work on me. It doesn't even come CLOSE to working on me. It is, in fact, completely and volubly horrid at every stage of dryness. In the bottle, it's hot sugar sex. Just like it should be. The instant it touches my skin, something goes MUSTY and BITTER and I hate it. It's probably the black musk. I can still smell the caramelized sugar and some of the red musk in the background. But it's WAY in the back because the bitter black musk note is stomping all around and refuses to leave. This isn't sex, this is the morning after sex when you realize you probably shouldn't have. Gah. Maybe it'll age into something decent. Into the drawer! Lobster Rating Better than: tripping over the cat

R'yleh might be a good one. I've never tried it, but I surely would not wish to incur the displeasure of an Evil Grapefruit.

Something traditionally masculine might be a good idea. Or sharp--maybe both. I love resins so I'm biased but a strong resiny scent with no vanilla, florals, or spice components (since those are softer and/or distracting) would probably come across as strong and dominant and indicative of a Person With Whom You Do Not Wish to Fuck. A bitter citrus might do the same trick. Grapefruit or lime notes?

Bring on the Tombstone, I say. Warm, resinous, woody, it's perfect. I feel very in tune with my inner cowboy while wearing it--kinda makes me want to put some spurs on and rope up a filly! Loviatar's good too, but it's more an assless chaps sort of thing.

Wet, on skin: A robust almond and a delicate tuberose are making sweet, tender love on my wrist. Dry, a few minutes later: Almond has run off to Fiji with the secretary. The tuberose is left lying sprawled out on the kitchen table, spent and dejected, to mourn her loss all alone. ALONE! Dryer, 30 minutes later: After a disatrous, if brief, rebound affair with something that smelled like a hedge, the tuberose found comfort in the arms of Ivory soap. They had a small wedding in her mother's backyard, and in no time she'd birthed up a horde of soaprose babies which are currently tearing all over the room and really getting on my nerves. I want out of this soap opera. Never. Wearing. This. Again. Lobster Rating Better than: jaundice

Malediction: Rotten Dirt. Dirt, but maybe not what you want. Shouldn't be too hard to get an imp from somewhere, I understand it's not very popular for some reason...

Two, Five, and Seven has grass listed as a note, and it seems from reading the reviews that on some people the roses disappear and the BIG WET LAWN shines through.

I'm with you on the scent eating, and second the statement that resins tend to last. So does vanilla, oddly. I've had good luck with: Al-Azif (everything sticks) The Bow and Crown of Conquest (resiny cedar and vanilla stick, everything else gets eaten) O (amber and vanilla stick) Delphi (incensey resin and the 'honey wine' note both stick, the bay gets eaten) I hate florals so I can't offer much help on finding a resiny floral or a long-lasting floral, BUT--the florals in Tezcatlipoca were strong and long-lasting enough to make me swap it. Swap a bottle of otherwise perfect chocolate-leather-incense! Ye gods. You might want to try it.

I'd ride out to destroy the world as an agent of apocalypse, suffering, and oppression if I got to smell like this all the time! Taj Mahal go foom! Times Square, up in flames! No one will even miss Greenland! Millions flee futilely before my Ungodly might, but s'okay because I smell so AWESOME. What I don't get is why an agent of apocalypse, suffering, and oppression would smell like vanilla and cedar. Eh, whatever works. I don't know what happened to the sage, leather, white musk or lavender; as far as I could tell they were pre-apocalypsed in the bottle. Mostly what I got was the vanilla and cedar, and vanilla cedar it stayed! I occasionally got a whiff of something masculine-y, maybe the sage, but on the whole it was resiny woody vanilla from bottle to dry-down. It's Antichrist-licious! Lobster Rating Better than: nachos!

I bought a 10 ml of this and wore it to my wedding; of COURSE I love it, yes? Turns out, not so much. In the bottle it smells of M&Ms in bondage, which is always good. Lots of cocoa and leather. It's a good mix, well-balanced. I was hoping for a dark, bitter chocolate and it turns out to be a sweeter milk chocolate, but that's still a good scent. Not getting the incense or flowers. On skin, the cocoa hangs out for a while and gradually fades into a vague background sweetness, while the flowers lurking in the background come RIGHT up to the front. The flowers are not the sort that go really well with chocolate, like violet or rose. I'm not sure what kind of flower it's supposed to be, but the combination of them with the remnants of the chocolate is really uneasy and unfortunately turns out to be the longest-lasting portion of the scent. Dry after a few hours, it's all wierd flowers, some of which seem to have gone powdery, and something sweet in the background. I never got the incense, and usually my skin hangs onto incense notes like crazy. No dice here. Tragically, the cocoa and leather and incense in Tez are stomped on by those stupid flowers. I resent them heavily for it; it would have been my favorite oil without them. I've already swapped my big bottle. Lobster Rating Better than: bran flakes

It just FIGURES that the morning after I placed a big order of woody, incensey, spicy stuff that I'd fumble blindly in the pre-dawn twilight and end up slapping on some Delphi instead of Envy. *sigh* Gonna be another order in the offing. Delphi has the same DEATH GRAPE topnote that Lilith has, and shares a tangy Sweet-Tart note with both Macchu Picchu and Madrid. There's some other stuff in the background which I suppose is the honey, incense, and bay. It's hard to smell around the DEATH GRAPE. I feel a little like tiny grapey X-wings might come and detonate me. Actually I quite like it. The Sweet-Tarts calm down after about 15 minutes and it's just me, the grape, and the whatever-it-is in the background. The other stuff mellows out the grape without ever doing much on its own. Apart from the tartness fading, the scent stayed pretty much the same on me and lasted a good long time. After a full workday, I could still smell it on my wrists. Update: SIX HOURS AFTER APPLICATION, THE REBEL ALLIANCE HAS OVERCOME THE DEATH GRAPE! Many Bothans died to bring me this dry-down, which seems to be the classic incense note. Nice. Lobster Rating Better than: Hawaiian pizza