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I've also found that application plays a role: Even strong scents, I can just dab lightly, and I'll be able to smell it, but it doesn't have near the throw it would if I'd done a full application. I'd say avoid stuff with deep musks, but that might be just because my skin tends to really amp all but white musk. Stuff that stays close to my skin: Dorian, Katharina, Sudha Segara, Embalming Fluid, Lotus Moon, O.

I'm still not a huge floral fan, but I do love Alice and now I think I need to try Antique Lace. Euphrosyne: Rose and Gardenia are listed first, and I almost didn't try it. Somehow it works on me! It's gorgeous! Manila: Tropical, more than floral. Shadow Witch Orchid: I found that orchids work well for me, where most other flowers overpower. It has a sweeter scent, or something. Whitechapel: Lilacs and citrus. It's a thing. A thing. I love lilacs and apparently honeysuckle as well. Eos, Dragon's Eye, and Seduction (panacea) worked nicely on me. Villain smells awful and floral in the imp (to my nose) but given a bit to calm down on my skin, it is a really beautiful floral. Zorya was a soft, pretty floral. Nocturne was surprisingly good on me. Test as much as you can, and swap dilligently. Hope this helps! Seriously: Euphrosyne. Everyone should try Euphrosyne.

I got my award letter today. I'm getting about $400 less each quarter than I was last year. That kinda blows. On the upside, it does cover tuition and books, so hooray school! Boo fafsa cuts. I don't know what the notes in Montressor are, but I'm concerned that it shares something with MB: Closet, which is all cat urine, all the time, on my skin. I got a whiff of that note and I'm hoping I was mistaken. I'm having this obsessive moment, where I feel so wound up about getting all the LE's that I want (all of them.) and worrying about my favourite catalog scents being discontinued. But, seriously? How incredible does Gennivre sound? And I'm still having fits over House of Mirrors. I'm so sick of my acryllic nails, it's not even funny. I made a kickass dinner tonight. Mashed potatoes and chicken and peas, but the chicken was lacking, somehow. It just didn't have any oomph to it. And I used wine in the marinade, too! I just started playing the sims a couple of weeks ago and, dude, I've been missing out. Those little bastards are addictive!

I found my imp of Snake Oil yesterday and dabbed a bit on my hand. I remembered that I wasn't too fond of it, but couldn't remember why. I actually thought maybe it was just that my nose wasn't developed enough, or sensitive enough to the scents, but it just doesn't work on me. Why? Patchouli. It's all patchouli, all the time on my skin. And I don't mean that in a good way. It just doesn't work. I don't like it. I have a dear friend who loves patchouli, though, so I'm thinking I'll send it to her. I found a whole tin of imps that I've been missing. Silk Road and Dragon's Millk are the ones I'm really excited to find. The rest I'm all kinda meh about. Dude! I'm going to be in art! Just a little over a month to wait. Art, math and psych. Plus fitness! I just need to make sure I'm going to the fitness lab all quarter. I know I've said that for the past two quarters, but I mean it now. Really! I'm going to do it this time. Things will be different. I'm learning to cook so that we don't have to eat out so often. I was annoyed at spending so much money on meats, and then realized that we spend the equivalent (and often more) on fast food that's so bad for us. So instead of doing my 'stop eating' thing that's 'worked' so well in the past (because he won't let me, mostly.), I'm working on healthy alternatives. I bought onions today! Did I brag about my boy's tomatos yet? He planted tomato plants, and they're finally red! They're small, but they taste amazing-- and I'm not a really big fan of tomatoes, generally speaking. Except lately.

I'm still musing over my star chart reading. I've decided to stick with art (as I mentioned previously) to try and develop that talent. I hope it turns out well. I know there are other venues of opportunity, but I've always thought it would be wonderful to be able to create art. If art doesn't fit, I'll pursue writing-- which I think I also mentioned. I'm also going to throw myself into fitness this quarter. The reading said something about body movement being important, and that feels right. I'm wondering if that has to do with my growing interest in yoga. I hope it's offered next summer. 5 days a week! That would be marvellous. Exhausting, because it's still a 7am class, but fantastic. I'm going to need to take some literature classes, and history. I love school. I'm so glad I get to go back! I really need to make sure I have the focus to succeed this quarter.

This doesn't really warrant its own entry, but it's my blog! So it's getting its own entry! I love the word 'gobsmacked' and I'm not quite sure why. It's so much more evocative than shocked or astounded, even. It's like a perfect sound to represent the feeling. Did I mention I've been a little dizzy?

I think I have a fever. I've been dizzy all day, too. But I had dinner by the river with my boy, and it was lovely.

I've enabled probably the most with Dorian, which you've said hasn't worked out so well for you, so let me list a few less traditional ones that seem to appeal to a lot of people. 1. Jailbait-- I usually have to put it on me and let them sniff it on me to really catch them. I think it's the novelty of the way the scent develops. I've had a few people turn out to really love it. 2. Haunted-- It smells enough like a traditional perfume that it processes well enough with people, I think- then it has the bpal hook of delight. 3. Danse Macabre-- It's not one I like on me, but it's gotten some positive attention and it's a lovely scent. 4. Dirty-- Something about it just seems to appeal. It's light and fresh and unusual. 5. Katharina-- My favourite! It's a good fruity scent to have people try, plus it's really fresh and lightly floral. 6. Manila-- It gets a lot of attention from people who are annoyed that I don't have many florals. It's floral without being perfumey. 7. Black Opal-- This one hasn't failed for me yet. 13. (LE) Hungry Ghost Moon-- I've let a few people test this one, and it is so complex and reacts differently on everyone, and they've loved that. That's where I run out of experiences off the top of my head. Here are some that I think would work as more universal scents. 8. La Petit Mort 9. Megaera 10. Euphrosyne (It's so unexpectedly beautiful! I just don't have my own imp with which to enable yet.) 11. Silk Road 12. Eclipse I may change my list as further enabling ensues. Good luck!

I got financial aid!!!!! I don't owe anything on tuition! Such a freaking relief!!!! that's all.

One of my favourite movies is about quantum physics. It's one of those mid-level films that a lot of people heard about and then promptly forgot. What the Bleep do we Know? There are little touches to the movie that I love-- glimpsing herself, the crazy mad scientist looking guy, and of course the water. What we believe creates our own reality, says the movie. It's also impacted by collective belief; we are not islands. So, yeah. I totally believe that I'm filthy rich and unchanged by money and seriously, no monkey's paw clauses. That shit freaks me right out. I'm honestly trying to change my view of myself, though. It has to start small, or it won't work with me. I have to really convince myself. Not that I'm wealthy or that I can fly or anything; just that I can deal with life better and respond to the needs of people around me without losing who I am. Anyway. Enough quantum physics. We had therapy today. Things need to change, but the ways we can go about making those changes are limited. Suggesting hospitalization is all well and good, but we checked that option out months ago. Hopefully having the therapist as an advocate in the matter will open some doors, but there's a lot of red tape. We're having to retrace the steps we took months ago, and that's frustrating, because none of those steps helped at the time. It's absurd to suggest that he start the process of moving out onto his own. He's barely existing with us prodding him to take a freaking shower. Put him into a situation where he's alone, and it's just going to end badly. Not to mention he doesn't even have a job, his credit is shot, and he's not particularly interested in finding a job. So unless we're talking about him moving out to live under the bridge, it's not viable. So what is viable? If those two things are out, what next? I wish I knew.

We talked to him. He cried and admitted to feeling... void. Life sucks. I don't know what I'm doing here. Annnd... I've been there. It does suck. But we're getting frustrated, and we don't know how to help. Resentment is building up, and he has to feel it too, and that isn't helpful at all. We're plotting a trip to Spokane for the sole purpose of having some time alone, and we can't afford it, but we also can't afford not to do it. It's just... I don't know. At least we have a therapy appointment tomorrow morning.

With three of us living here, it doesn't take long for dishes to pile up. We've asked out houseguest to please do them. We remind him that we'd like him to do them every other day. Because if they get done every day, then they don't pile up, and it's a ten minute job. When they don't get done for, say, a week. . . there aren't any clean glasses or plates in the entire house, and it's a whole day's work, more or less. I know what it's like to be depressed and just want to be on the internet at all times (And I really do), but it's offensive to clean around him and realize that he hasn't bathed in days, let alone thought about doing any dishes.

Hee. Now I have "Paint it Black" stuck in my head.

Dude! I totally forgot to comment on the opening to your post! I love the Visualize Whirled Peas shirt-- A friend of mine in high school used to wear it all the time. Just hadda share!

It is imperative that you find a way to use whatever talents and gifts you have--the more you use them, the more ability you will develop. Do not neglect them (given your 5th house stellium I'm betting on creative something or another, maybe very public, dramatic work/play...but whatever it is, don't just think something like "well, if I can't be the best {fill in the blank} I shouldn't even do it.." Do it, whatever it is. Jarvenpa read my chart based on my birthdate, location and time of birth. That's a brief snippet of what she said-- I'm still processing it all. The above seemed really personal and relevent right now, given my whole art obsession- could my talent lie there? It's possible. I really think that was the nudge I needed to decide to stick with the art class and not watch for another class to open up in that time slot instead. However, I am not convinced that drawing will be my creative talent. I might need to start writing again soon. English 201 is on my list for winter quarter, and then in the spring or next fall I'll probably take creative writing. I. . . guess we'll see where life takes me this year. I'm really rather excited. Now all I have to do is wait for the financial aid to be awarded. . . I really, really hope it happens soon, so I don't have to drop all my classes and scrounge around at the last minute for open ones. That would be terribly sad. I've got a lot to think about.

Thanks, Snarky! You've been a big help in that aspect, to be quite honest.

We had thunder and lightning last night and it's been all gray and drizzly outside today. Now it's raining- I love the rain. There's just something about it that is soothing and refreshing to me. I'm happy for it. It's going to be a good day.

I signed up for the design class. It's my first class of the day! And then I have math! And then a break! And only then do I have my favourite instructor! This feels scary. Not to mention that I don't actually have any financial aid at the moment. All my classes are way far away from each other, too! Okay, the math to psych doesn't matter much, since I have my break then, but dude! They are really far apart. Winter I'll be taking math, english 201 and. . . Dunno. Maybe another art class, if this one works out. Spring. . . Biology and speech for sure. Maybe archaeology, too. Maybe art. I'm obsessing, and that's never a good thing. My emoticon favourites don't show up here. That's sad! Ooh! I got my checks in the mail today! And I've got my license and social security card (I think I already mentioned those) and my new debit card! So friggin' exciting!

It was a geography class of some sort. Everything about it was unfamiliar. Faces, carpet, desk, rules. . . Everything. It was painful. I wanted to cry all the time. It was so very hot during the day; unrelenting heat, and so early in the year. Everything was wrong. I dreamed about home everytime I closed my eyes. A scrap of paper was delivered, and it was a small note; pre-typed and a single word scribbled out: home. I was going to be excused from the rest of my classes because I was going home. Home didn't mean the drab little tent in the RV park where we lived. I was certain to the core that home meant leaving this cruel desert and returning to my beloved desert. As it turns out, I was right. I wish I knew what happened to the little girl who lived next "door" to us. She was a sweet kid. Over the course of one or two months, I lost about 40lbs. There was just no money for food. I had lunch at school. That is a diet I would fall back on several times in my life. It didn't help. I left that place, but it never left me.

I am thankful that I'm related to my father for one reason: His mother. I love my grandmother. She passed away in October of 1998 in Vancouver, Washington while I was in Provo, Utah. I didn't cry when I got the news. I wish I could've spent a little more time with her, and it wasn't expected, but I was surprisingly at peace with it. She was a sweet, willowy, classy lady. Her hair was always done. She loved cheerful colors, her grandchildren, and petunias. She was tiny and smelled like powder and cigarettes, and she always wore lipstick. I think I would look a lot like she did when she was young if I lost, like, more than half of my total body weight. She really was an amazing lady, and I really, really miss her. I wish she could've been at my wedding. She would like my husband. He would adore her. Everyone did. She never lost her wits, mobility, or sense of humor. I am glad I didn't have to go through watching her health decline, like so many other people have done and seem to be in the process of doing right now. A lot of people are talking about their grandparents on the forums right now, and that's what made me think of her. She was one of a kind. I'm certainly not eager for death or anything, but I sure can't wait to see her again.

I had a moment of worry that it would be like Gluttony- far too strong; way too buttery. The butter chills out once it hits my skin and it's all things wonderful about autumn memories. Surprisingly, I get a really strong peach smell out of this, and it smells more like peach pie than anything pumpkin-ish. I will have to put this imp to good use this fall. Then I shall decide if I need to find it in larger quantities. (I got a q-tip sniffy of this with my first group of imps and really wanted to try it then. . . and I'm just getting 'round to it!)

I absolutely LOVE the last picture. There's something about pictures of reflections that just work for me. I don't know how else to explain it. But, yeah. Especially with the ocean in the background. . . I need to get back to the coast. I'm also having hardwood floor envy! That is just brilliant.

In the imp, Eat Me smells a LOT like Red Lantern, with a dollop of MB: Closet, for good measure. This scares me, as neither one worked on me. While it is wet, it pretty much stays the same, with a hint of the fruit sort of grounding the unrelenting sweetness. Then! Wonder of wonders! As it dries, it smells like cake! Cake and currants! Go figure. This one's a winner. Whew- I was worried. ETA: Now all I smell is the musk. It's like a lighter version of Hollywood Babylon. Maybe Smut, even? Now I'm not sure what to think of this. I'll reserve judgement and see how it dries further. ETA: I really wish the cakey stage lasted longer on me. Or forever. Red(?) musk just isn't my favourite thing. Apparently my skin amps musks. Yay for learning stuff! I will keep the imp, for the cakey stage! Yay for cake! ETA: Yeah. Smut. I just smell Smut (and a hint of Hollywood Babylon, as I said earlier), and I wasn't fond of Smut. It isn't horrific on me or anything, but it's not my style. Where'd the cake go? I need cake. That. . . is truly sad. I wanted to love this one.

I wish we had filters here. I had a post all written out about something really personal- probably TMI. I just don't feel like sharing it with anybody who happens to stumble across this blog. I'm not even sure I feel comfortable divulging it to you guys. Ze regulars. But. . . I don't know. I don't want to deal with livejournal, but I'd love a friends only filter right now.

I've posted this in at least two other places, but I'm so friggin' excited. Port-au-Prince has the same spice that Shub does upon drydown. Awesome.