smallvoice

Hee! Yeah, it's been freaking hot. I think that added to my anxiety, anyway. I've pm'ed everyone the option of rock, paper, scissors, or they can just go with the surprise. The winners were all ones that I was sort of hoping I'd get to keep- this'll just make my search for bottles that much more intense. I think I'll take apart one pack that didn't win and frimp it out. I'm going to have to have people run errands for me again today, because everytime I leave the house, the infection seems to flare back up again. Oh well! Anyway, thanks again Ms. Snarky.

I agree with Valentina about how we tend to be supressed by various areas of life. I was a stealth Leo, but I learned to identify with the sign in other ways. Much like you, I wanted attention, but I was never brave enough to sieze it. In a recent post on my blog, I referenced the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz as being a portrait of myself as a leo. Heh. But I've always been stubborn, and my temperament is very much like a leo. So, yeah. I'm tired. I just wanted to add my voice to it all.

Words cannot express how much I love this scent. It is spicy and almost resinous; full of deep cocoa and and earthy fig (I'm assuming). It warms beautifully on my skin, and I'm not getting a lemon drop scent at all. I'm also not getting any Gingerbread Poppet vibes, which is a Very Good Thing. There's something really primal about this scent. It's gorgeous, and it mellows out to a lovely skin scent. Much love!

Dragon's Eye is a fantastic lilac blend, and the Dragon's Blood adds a lot of depth, so it's yummy. If you're keen on dragon's blood, I would also suggest Dragon's Milk. Eos smelled of lilacs to me, though they're not listed in the notes. It's this delicate floral that tended to last forever on me. I'll second both Snake Oil and, of course, Dorian. I'll toss in Alice, just because I love it so much. It might not be strong enough, though. If you're into sweet, the Red Queen smells just like cherry cordials. If I'm remembering it right, I think Cairo had a sort of resinous/honey scent that I really liked. Resins tend to be pretty smell-able. For a girly candyish scent, I must, must, MUST recommend Jailbait. Jailbait was my first love, and it smells exactly like bubble gum in the imp/bottle. It makes me happier just to sniff it some days. Try everything! BPAL is surprising.

For some reason, it never occurred to me that there'd be a lack of interest in my contest/sale. I mean, I didn't expect everyone to be scrambling to join in, but I think it's both fun and reasonably priced, particularly considering that there's a one in six chance that the winner'll be an imp of Underpants. With less guesses, I'll need to adjust it somehow, and it'll be more likely. I'm just rambling to whine, folks. But please don't take this as me sulking (which, to me, implies anger, whereas 'whine' does not.) . I'm tired and PMS'ing. I think I may finally be able to sleep.

I went and got my driver's license info updated yesterday. I realized that my signature looks awkward, even for being left handed and not so good with the neat handwriting in the first place. I need some serious practice. It feels like a fake ID. (Especially since it's that paper stand-in you get before they send you the fancy plastic) Somebody called me Grace! I updated my social security card, too. Now I need to do billing records and bank account and library card and credit cards and school records... this is a really huge undertaking. It will be my two year anniversary for having my driver's license on my birthday. Tomorrow is my one-month wedding anniversary! Awesome.

There are worse things to be. But I am. (Think the Cowardly Lion from Oz... only more dignified. Sometimes) Y'know, for all that I've expressed a desire to pursue my interest in art, I'm really dragging my feet with the follow-through. I realized that I don't want to take Japanese this year, which leaves me another class, which I usually love. This time, not so much. Here's the thing. There's a design class open in my time slot. It's perfect. It's the one to take before you take, like, drawing and painting and whatnot. I had such a horrible time with art the first time around that I sort of feel defensive about taking a class. That's an understatement. I'm afraid that someone else will tell me I'm no good. I've never been good with art. I learned a lot from Bloody Mary. She was engaging with the topics, and I adored the people in the class. (I think it reminded me a little of high school, only now I'm not afraid. Well, I'm still afraid, but in comparison... yeah. You don't even know. But anyway, the class was fun.) When it came to her projects, though... She was a right bitch. Her syllabus stated that if we thought a grade was unfair, to go talk to her about it and see what could be done, but that was apparently code for "I don't have time for you, you talentless, tasteless, obnoxious creature." She'd publically ridicule ideas from people. People like me, obviously. She has no way of knowing that speaking out in class at all; going up to her about things... they're huge deals for me. My social anxiety kept me housebound for months at a time. Starting college was one of the most terrifying things I've ever done. I don't expect her to be a mind-reader, but to say, "I suppose we can bump it up a little if you're going to slit your wrists over it..." complete with the eye-roll, I found inappropriate. "I can't grade on effort," she told me. "I have to grade based on end product. Do you think yours looks anything like the ones on display?" And, honey, if you don't grade on effort, I'm not going to give you any, because I'm not an artist. No, mine didn't look like the ones the art majors did. This is not a high level art class. It's intro to art. If she'd said flat out at the very start that she was looking for quality art, I would've dropped the class, because I've never had art instruction. But she said the opposite; "You don't need to be an artist to ace this class; we don't judge based on talent..." Royal we. Blech. She also expected us to complete the projects without guidance regarding technique, might I add- We watched a video on Maria the amazing pot-maker (There is no sarcasm in this- this woman really is amazing, and world famous.), and that was ALL we got about pottery before we had to make our own. That was our last project, and anytime she'd walk by, I'd crumple my attempt up and start over, because she was laughing at people. Not in a kind way, either. She guised her jabs in humor a lot of the time, but we were all bloody by the end of that class. Hence "Bloody Mary." So what did I learn from Bloody Mary? I learned to get angry. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned to hold my own and not back down. These may seem like silly little things, but they're important. I wish she hadn't been so mean. I learned a lot about artists from her. If it hadn't been for the projects, I think I really would've liked her class a lot more. How's that for irony? Decent teacher (assuming she's not making fun of students), rotten art teacher. I'm still glad I took the class, despite how much I complain about it to this day. But this makes me afraid to take more. I'm not good. Sometimes I see things and I copy them. But I don't know the first thing about actual technique. I should take the design class. I probably won't. I'm a scaredy cat.

I think I'm just going to bite the bullet and sign up for the art class. Taking the easy route isn't good for me. The hard route isn't either, yet. But I think the art class might fall into the middle. I hope. Going back to school has been one of the best things I've ever done. I've become MUCH more outspoken. I've hated it, but I love it, and I am really hoping I get to go back in the fall. Still no news with financial aid! Hey! When did I turn into Crone material?? (Wierd. I wrote "Clone" first! I can't figure out if that's a freudian slip or what!) Seriously, guys, thanks so much for the support.

I think I got swap-lifted. I reported it, but I feel utterly deflated. That was my carefully negotiated (with the FormerFiance-PresentlyHusband) order of decants (Beltane (!), Enraged Bunny Musk (luckily I ordered one from crescentwench), and Monster Bait: Underpants (Not to sound greedy, but this one makes me particularly sad. I've got two decants, but I had a use in mind for all three of them, and I'm going to have to eliminate one, for the time being. Maybe two.)) and a bottle of Dragon Moon. I don't want to think that someone took off with them. I'd prefer to think of them as outstanding swaps (as in, 'outstanding warrants'), until I know for sure. It's easy to get overwhelmed, which leads to embarrassed, which leads to running away. That doesn't make a person bad. Life can get hectic, and I'm the first one to admit that I've fallen behind in swaps before. There's my pep-talk for the day.

I think I need to crawl into the land of the sims now. I hate when people die. And I feel guilty if I haven't spoken to them in a while. I've been thinking about my friend, Charlie. He died about two years ago. He's been on my mind all week. I cried so hard when I found out. "I could never commit suicide," he once told me, when I was feeling particularly suicidal. "It goes against my religion. I don't want to go to hell." I don't believe he's in hell. I miss him a lot. Love you, Charlie. Love to you, Cove and Judy.

Good news! The A/C is working! We need to be careful about the filter, but the thermostat is fine and everything. This means that we won't be getting a new air conditioner for our birthdays, which is patently Good. I'm hoping he gives me a watch. And here's where I break off into a tangent, all day-dreamy-like: Didn't I ever write about "Christmas?" (I can't ever remember if the question mark should be out of the quotes or in it.) The boy moved here on December 28th so that he could spend Christmas with his family for the first time in a long time. We postponed Christmas- the meal, the presents, everything- until the 29th. This left him rather overwhelmed, due to the fact that a vast majority of my large family showed up. He was great with them. It was memorable and such a delight. He got me the coolest gift ever. He'd been teasing me by talking about it. He found it on Amazon. It had puzzled him at first. Why would anyone want it? Then, he had an idea. He'd shared it with his dad. His dad was jealous that he hadn't thought of something like that for his mom. The moment arrived, and I opened the shiny, shiny paper to reveal a big, white box. I opened the box to find what appeared to be a jewelry box. Only it isn't one! It's a watch box. He took my hand and said, "It'll be full in about 20 years, but I'll get you another one." The symbolism of time, and marking the passage of time with a watch each year... it all took my breath away. It's SO gorgeous. And, breaking away from the daydream- That probably means he won't be getting me a watch for my birthday; just Christmas, but it'd be nice to have a couple to store in it. I love that thing. ...Yeah, I have to admit it, I'm really hoping for bpal. And I feel guilty. I wish I were a better person. But another watch would be nice. I am so freaking sick. I feel gross. Swimming to kill the odd skin inflammation did not work. We are trying bleach today, which is gross, but seems to be working. I'm just so wiped out. I need to get out of my house, though. I've got swaps to deliver. My mom is calling me Gracie. It's wierd, and hard for her. I worry that it's making her too uncomfortable. She knows why I did it, and that it had nothing to do with her, but... I almost feel like a stranger. I didn't know that the name change would affect me like it has. It's not bad, necessarily. Sometimes it's odd, but not bad. I want to cut off my hair. I need to find a good style. Who'm I kidding? Heh. I'd never keep up with it anyway. I'm lucky if I bother to comb it out, these days. More people compliment it when I don't, come to think of it. People are so strange. I'm really hoping the mods get back to me soon. I'm impatient.

I know! I'm so, so, so lucky.

In addition, I'd suggest Scherezade, Hell's Belle, Malediction, Silk Road, Hamadryad, The Crossroads and maybe the Lampades (which I've never tried).

My boy looooves my long hair. I never know what to do with it. I figure, it's going to waste on me. Might as well donate to somebody who needs it! I love growing it out and then doing a dramatic chop. I need to do that. I go through so much shampoo with it long. Loving your Bjork hair!

I have some sort of a skin infection that's not going to kill me, but it is grossing me out. Plus, I have to take 4 pills a day to help clear it up. Because it's communicable, I'm going to have to bathe in bleach. Or just go swimming a lot, which is preferrable. On top of that, the air conditioner in my room froze over, so we've had it off to let it thaw out and it's freaking hot in here. It explains why the ac hasn't been putting out as much cool air as it probably should be. And, uh, now it appears to be broken. Crap.

I'm really somebody else now. Now I sort of feel like I'm not ready to BE Grace. I should be more together. But this is me, and I'm as together as I've ever been, and it's time. Take care, everyone. -Grace

Scherezade, perhaps? I seem to recall that it was similar to Snake Oil. O is a lovely, soft vanilla- fairly sweet, though. Maybe Dragon's Milk layered with Scherezade would be a good alternative? I'm not sure! Just thought I'd chime in.

Eos was a very sweet floral on me. I found the florals in Sea of Glass to be nearly suffocating. Huh. I tend to shy away from florals, so I don't have many suggestions that don't involve another major component. I'd strongly recommend Eos and Moon Rose.

I got oddly sick today- yesterday, now. I was really weak and dizzy and there were other symptoms as well. My name change hearing is tomorrow, and I'm pretty freaked out over it. "So, why 'Grace?'" Lots of people have asked me that. Honestly, for real, I don't know. I mean, I think it's a lovely name; always have. But I'm sort of the least graceful person in the world, so it'll be something of an irony. It feels right to me, still. I'm happy with it. The word 'grace' can mean several things, and I like that, as well. It's not a family name; it's my name. My mother-in-law has made a point of calling me Grace, and scolding my husband when he doesn't. I heart her- I feel very lucky. I'm not excited about going to court tomorrow. I don't know what to expect. I waited too long to record the wedding details. I'm forgetting stuff, and that makes me so sad. It was magical. I'm so glad it's over. I never thought I'd be able to say something like that- if I treasured a memory, I obsessively wished I could re-live it. There were underlying reasons; there always are- but it's a sign I've grown some. I'm just happy to have the memory.

The state of grace is what drew me to the name when I was discussing it with the boy. And it's my name now... I'm sort of in awe. I didn't expect to feel a shift in myself... but, after all, words have power.

Hee. Thanks. I think I'll trip and bump my head more than once in a while. If there's a wall, I will find a way to walk into it. But you're right; it's something to live up to... which I'll do to the best of my abilities... which might not be saying much!

I'm feeling sort of guilty about not getting this oil, due to the fact that it's my birth month, as well... and I know it's an excuse I'm feeding myself! But I still want it. I'm consoling myself with the knowledge that I'll probably be able to swap for it. I don't have any clever thoughts for your member-title. It's a lot of pressure! I know I'll fret over mine when I have enough points.

So you do! I don't know how I missed it- well, it's kinda subtle, and I was skimming, I think. Thanks!

I'd definitely second Dorian and throw in a recommend for Alice. O is another really good one, and I love Jailbait, too. Good luck with the guy, or his jeans!

Your icons are gorgeous. I'd love to see a couple of my favourites, if you're bored and inspired sometime. Jailbait, Alice, Shadow Witch Orchid, Hamadryad, Dorian, Embalming Fluid- or some LE's: Arkham Revisited, Shub Niggurath... That's all my brain will process right now! At any rate, I've got a few of your icons in rotation, so thank you!