smallvoice

Who, or what, were you in a past life? I'll share mine soon. One more question that's a bit more... I dunno. Serious, maybe? But I'm not being snide about the first one either, it just seems lighter to think of- With the assumption that there is, in fact, reincarnation, do you feel like there are certain people you will always meet? Not just a love, but also random people- extra soul-mates, if you will... I've been trying to establish my "circle" recently, of people I feel are always with me.

This is GORGEOUS! The berries stampede out of the bottle and nearly trample my poor nose, but once they are on my skin, they calm down quite a bit. The amber and spices come out with a hint of that smoky vanilla and..... wait a sec........ isn't there supposed to be Snake Oil in this? Heh. I'm absolutely not getting any hint of Snake Oil. Did the berries kill the patchouli? Those are some tough berries. Patchouli doesn't go down easily with my chemistry. So far, I'm really liking this one, and it is very unique- I can't think of anything comparable that I've smelled so far. EDIT: It went soapy. It dries down to something wearable, but it's not my first choice.

I am so sick. Aaand... I'm about to go to school. I swear, I have the plague. Ugh. And the crazy thing is that my doctor didn't even give me a decongestant- he gave me cough syrup with codeine, which I can't take during the day, because I'm going to be driving to school, and I'm already not feeling good enough to do that. I know.

Bakeneko is delicious! It is the lovely musky black tea from Dorian with a whiff of orange and spices. I get a hint of the floral cherry blossom- it's not quite as sugary or creamy as Dorian, either. The spices add a different element to it. I love this! The tea is beautiful. I'm so glad I swapped for a bit of this!

This scent is a roller-coaster ride for me. It does indeed smell like chocolate covered snake oil, and also like Riesen candies and just plain delicious. This should be edible! Immediately on my skin, however, it reverts to straight Snake Oil, and then sweaty patchouli. I had my mom try a bit on her skin, and it smells gorgeous on her. It is just how Snake Oil is purported to smell, by all accounts, and with the jolt of chocolate! So depressingly good. However! I wore it a bit longer, and while it never quite reaches the levels of loveliness on my skin that it does on hers, it is still wearable. I will have to update when I do a full application instead of a test drop. My fingers are crossed! UPDATE! 2/14/07: I take back anything bad I may've said about Boomslang, because I have received SO many compliments on it, and even my husband says he likes it! Score!

Thanks for the responses, guys. I think a lot of issues are recurring, because the point of reincarnation, in the way I understand it, is to find our root issues and ways to work them out. As a kid, I always sort of felt like I'd been here forever, but now I feel like I'm way younger than most of the people I know. Who was I? Well, I think I was Irish at one point. The people who feel familiar to me are my mom, my husband, a couple of friends from high school I haven't seen in ten years, and some people online, particularly Rob, whom I've never met, or Kate, who I never will meet. Thankfully.

First, before I forget: You all must sign up for SevenSins' Artist Trading Card swap. If you don't know what they are, check out the first post in that thread (it's in the circular swap area) because she has some great links. They're essentially artistic baseball/magic/trading cards. It seems like a fun way to let off some creative steam and I already have some ideas! Inky, I'm looking at you! Not to single anyone out or anything. Ahem. Moving on: I'm dieting. With chocolate. (That reminds me of the nutrisystem commercial- "Any diet that allows me to eat chocolate every day is a diet for me!" I watch too much TV, heh.) I'm going to fast a couple of days a month with tea and water on those days. The rest of the days, I'm going to eat stuff that's high in fiber, and my meals are going to be primarily cereal, supplimented by vegetables, fruits, and other snacky things. There is NO reason I can't do this. Plus, that Special K cereal with chocolate in it totally works for me. Does that sound like a good plan? I'm also going to be looking for this awesome yoga/pilates dvd that I borrowed from netflix and can't remember what it was anymore. It wasn't yoga or pilates, but it drew on both, and dance and martial arts and other movement forms, and it really worked for me. It was something like, "Pilates: Target Specific" because it had workouts that would focus on different areas of the body. And! Wal-mart has one of those sit-up roller things for $15 that I'm going to have to splurge on. Finally, I'm going to start writing affirmations (as per the "creating your own reality" thread) on index cards and keeping them in a box. I don't know if it works, but it can't hurt to try.

Supernova doesn't at all relate to the band by that name, does it? It's just a version of the game, right? :worried: Heh. I think I have the Pick Your Spot Pilates, because I thought it was the one I wanted, but it wasn't. I should really try the 10 minute workouts from it, though. And, dude, Yoga Booty Ballet? I want that. That is AWESOME. Anyway, sorry for the double comment- not really. It's my blog. Hee.

Thank you for the recommendations for dark chocolate- my favourite is the one 'snarky sent from Trader Joe's, and I can't remember what all it had in it, now. I want to say it had rose in it? Or jasmine? There was some floral element mixed with the dark chocolate, I'm pretty sure. It doesn't matter- we don't have one around here, anyway! I will prowl the cheaper shelves for some dark chocolate goodness. That hungry girl site? I'd never been there, but it is FANTASTIC! I didn't find the review on the Special K cereal, just a blurb that said it sounded iffy- but I really like it and I think it'll become my new snacky thing. Well, cereal in general will. I was bummed to read that milk in tea may reduce its benefits! I have this crazy worry about the affirmations, though. The Monkey's Paw effect is what I call it. I'm sure I'm not the first to come up with the phrase, but it works. Essentially (in case you haven't read or don't remember the story) it means that if I write "I will lose X amount of weight" I will get sick with, like, cancer, and lose the weight that way- or, "I will get the money I need" will turn into the death of someone dear to me resulting in inheritance or insurance- which is, I think, the actual story. Yeah, I'm a freak. I just have to phrase things better.

Sign-ups are tentatively set for the 17th of this month, so if you want to play, be sure and start getting your questionaire ready! Just thought I'd give a head's up for those of you who don't stalk the swap forum like I do. I'll update with a reminder when the sign-ups are officially set.

Three forumites (lexile, Aredhel(I think?) and GoddessRobyn) have taken on the role of head Switch Witches, and they collect the questionnaires via PM when the round starts. Then they split them up and assign everyone somebody else, and you get to spoil that person within the time frame, so it's basically what you said. There is a FAQ, and it is loads of fun to participate in. I've been discussing it with Filigree, and I think I've decided that I will be in this coming round. Everytime I think I should sit it out, I think "But I never would've met inkdarkmoon!" And I really probably wouldn't have thought to approach 'snarky. It's a good way to get to know other forumites, though I haven't remained in close contact with all of them. Plus, who doesn't like looking forward to packages in the mail? Here's the FAQ. As far as spending goes- I know I'm not the only one with a tight budget, so my packages tend to be lower on that scale, but some people are able to go all out- generally, people just try to be generous with what they have, and it all works out. Hope that helped! You should seriously consider joining in!

I will be generous with the spoiler tags, for those who plan on seeing it. First, I'll do generalizations: It is visually stunning. There's no denying that. The cast is amazing. I need to watch more foreign films, because it cemented my belief that I just don't have an understanding of interpersonal relationships anywhere but where I've lived. In other words, not all the interactions translate into my sphere of understanding, if that makes any sense. It's like anger in anime always seems way, way overdramatic and over-done to me. . . which is a bit of a simplistic way of putting it, but that's all I can really say about it right now. It isn't what I was expecting from the trailer I saw- but I read enough reviews to know it wasn't exactly what I was expecting anyway, but it still wasn't what I was expecting. It seemed a little... scattered? Thematically, I mean. That could be my lack of understanding (as mentioned above) in part, but not wholly. And here is where I get into spoiler tags. Note: A lot of this is critical because I think a lot of the good has been advocated already, but I did really enjoy the experience. Spoiler I am probably in the minority here, and I realize that. I was originally under the impression that it was a fantasy movie, sort of in the vein of Labyrinth, Willow or Legend. Then I was under the impression that it was a movie about blurring those lines between fantasy and reality. I'm left feeling like it wasn't a faerie tale, and it wasn't religious and it wasn't historical, and it sort of needed to define itself. If it was a fable, it wasn't a good one, because the "moral of the story" kept changing- it could've been about faith, but the last test was to not have faith, so that's not it. There were too many stories crammed into the movie, and they didn't feel cohesive to me. It sort of felt like they were all neglected; like they didn't have enough time to get to any of them completely. I would've preferred more focus on the fantasy aspect, obviously. I would have been happy, though, if any one aspect had been central, rather than all of them seeming peripheral. Also, looking at it from a historical standpoint- from what I understand, there were no good guys in that war, so I felt a little uncomfortable with how sympathetic the "outlaws" were made to be. (Isn't that essentially Stalin's camp?) I appreciate how unflinching and stark the film was about it, but it seemed like it was mis-represented a little bit, perhaps. Finally, since I'm not in a place where I can coherently express myself, I have a teensy bone to pick. That awesome, awesome scene for her second task? The guy with his eyes in his hands? That pissed me off. This chick crawls into the belly of a tree, with bugs crawling all over her, to look for some toad and feed some rocks to, just because the faun told her to. But when he makes it really clear that the one thing she can't do while she's in the second task is eat, she falters? It's not like she's starving. Her family is well taken care of on that front. And it's not like she's never read a faerie tale! She's obsessed with them! So she should freaking know better! But she still eats! That was so infuriating to me. At least there could have been some clever trap for her to walk into, but it was just straightforward. "Ho-hum. I think I'll pluck some dinner off this table where this freaky guy is sitting with his eyeballs on the plate... mmm." No. Not believable. That girl knows better. Anyway, I'm going to end this here. Heh.

I hope my review of Pan's Labyrinth wasn't offensive to anybody! I still had a fantastic time, and I'm incredibly glad to have seen it on the big screen. I was just pointing out things I didn't enjoy about it, s'all. I'm kind of pissed right now. I got my LotR essay back today, and the grade was considerably lower than I was expecting. I didn't fail, but I got a 4.0 out of english 101, and this is a LIT class (sort of), so I have a certain amount of expectations for my grades when it comes to writing, and I was pretty confident with what I had written. Also, I love you guys. That's all for now! Must do homework, so I can then play Baldur's Gate 2! And then.... American Idol!

Is there anything like Punkie Night in the general catalog? I am obsessed with it, much to my surprise! ETA: Can anyone tell me if Coral Snake is anything like Punkie Night? Thanks!

This is muchly belated, but I LOVE that quote, and I think I shall marry it. You are all invited! I this whole entry!

If I'm ever going to attend a four year school, I'm going to have to take a whole lot more math than just statistics. Do I try and get some of it done next year? Or do I try and keep the focus on the sciences I need for the radiology thing and not spread myself too thin? I don't know. I'm back in obsessive mode regarding my classes. Obviously. More: Ooh! I just went through the new course catalog, and the genetics class I want to take has basic math and science prerequisites, which means I should be able to take it sometime in the next school year. But there's where I run into the problem I was chewing on up above- where do I fit it in? They've also got several spanish classes that I'm now interested in looking at. (I was essentially forced into taking 3 years of it in high school because it was practical, so I never developed a love for the language, but I think I might be able to do that now.) More: How is it that I can obsess so much over future classes and yet be dreading tomorrow so much? There's no reason for it, either. I like all of them. In fact, this is probably my best quarter of instructors, and certainly one of my favourite classes, as far as people in it go. I'm going to fall apart when things start getting really difficult.

I haven't decided if I will- and it doesn't sound selfish at all that you have decided not to do it anymore! I just worry over the people I'd be missing out on, I think. I may need to sit this one out, though. Or maybe the one after this. Guh, I hope my person feels spoiled this round. Anyway. I feel like writing another update.

If not, your eyes cannot perceive my true words from here on out. They're written so only mermaids can read them, and the rest of the world will see mere drivel. Of course, the mermaids might only see drivel, but it will be true drivel and not the false stuff the rest of you are seeing. I'm evil that way. Which one is sugared roses again? That's the twin I want. But now violet is sounding so lovely too! After my insane couple of weeks, I finally got my switchee package out, and there's not even a nice note inside. It's hurried and short. I'm such a spaz. But I have something cool coming and I'm really excited about that. Tonight, my husband and I are going on a date. We're going to see Pan's Labyrinth, because my theatre decided to be awesome and show it here! (Instead of in Walla Walla, as I originally thought.) I shall bring tissues and report back about my experience. (I have been warned that I will be needing tissues.) I love the latest Girls With Slingshots. (I think that's the one.) "I wish you'd just tell me to go bang some guy." "That's something you'll never hear a psychiatrist say. Also included are: 'I think the heroin is actually doing you some good!' and 'No wonder your mother never loved you.'" I think I got a school loan. This means that we will possibly be able to fly out to visit my in laws over spring break, and see our new nephew. I am SO looking forward to that. See how crazy I am? What the hell happened to the dark pit of despair? It's still there. It's just on the other end of the swing. Heh.

I'll update about the movie in another entry, but it was... not what I was expecting. Re: The quote: It was, in fact, from Questionable Content- the entry before this latest one. P.S. I the latest one, too. Happy birthday Grandma! (Ahem.)

My mood swings are seriously impressive. My anxiety is even worse. I missed school because of my anxiety today, and this is significant not because it's never happened before, but because I hadn't given up, and I wanted so badly to go, and I just couldn't. handle. it. I couldn't. There wasn't a single thing that was going to drag me out of this house. I couldn't write my paper that was due today, and I didn't get to do all the things that needed to be done TODAY. Not tomorrow. Right now. Hours ago. There were things that I needed to have done, and people, I just could not do them. I cannot convey the amount of frustration and despair I feel over this. I really want to be a better person. I want to think that I am continuously improving, and that I am going to be strong enough to live like a normal person and get the education I want and make connections and be there for the people who need me, but I feel like I am stuck. My mom has been sick for a long time now, and they've been trying to figure out what is wrong with her- loads of tests, and they've thought repeatedly that she has internal bleeding, but haven't found anything. So finally, instead of sending her back to the GI specialist, she went and saw a hematologist, who ordered her into the hospital to be watched, because her iron and her red (?) blood cell count was so low, and they did an iron infusion and finally sent her home, and now we wait to see if she starts producing the blood cells she needs, or if not, what else needs to be done. So I'm a wreck, and she's taking care of me already- she went out and got my medicine for me today- and she has no business really being out and about, but that's just how it goes, and I wonder if I'll ever quit being a burden to her and be able to start taking care of her. In fact, I feel that way about most everyone in my life right now. I shouldn't be feeling like this. And all I can do is stare at my switchee box that has yet to go out and feel hopeless about THAT, too. Is that not insane? Seriously, it's not like it is out of my control to drive to the post office and have it mailed out. But right about now, I'd like to sit in my very own padded cell and rock in the corner... and that sounds ridiculous and overdramatic in my head, so I can't imagine how it sounds out here, but I feel so freaking out of control, and then I'll come back here in a couple of hours and be appalled because of how overdramatic this is, but it is really how I feel right now, even if I don't feel this way later, and.... yeah. My head is really, really unhappy right now.

My internet has been gone for the past week or so! I shall return as soon as the telecommunication gods decide they don't hate me anymore. Thinking of you all, and hoping you're doing well. I will have a huge update coming when I do get back. (Possibly tomorrow. I'm not holding my breath.)

Oddly enough, Queen Gertrude smelled almost exactly like Gennivre on me. Yeah, I don't get it either. But it is something to check out!

I don't know how else to describe these things. I've begun collecting these moments in time where I felt an otherworldly calm, or where I felt something fundamental inside me change. During a period of exceptionally dark depression, sobbing on the phone with my friend Shari (who lives across the country from me) as she frantically looks for a Star of David her grandfather gave her, and then listening to her recite, in Hebrew, the prayer for that day of Hannukah. In the same mindset and a similar timeframe, being curled up in bed on a trip out of town to visit some friends, unable to go out and socialize, and my friend Stacy coming in and playing her guitar and singing to me. She has a beautiful voice, and I wish I had a recording of something her band has done. Flying into Knoxville after an all night flight across the states and seeing my husband for the first time. Realizing that we were not just going to patch each other up and then move on, and trusting that he felt the same way also happened in that general period of time. Staying up and talking with my brother in law about how much he loves my sister. (He is generally not overly expressive in that area.) There are more, but those first two really have a special place in my heart.

Those first two hold a different place in my heart than the ones involving my husband. It's not that he's less important to me, but those first two really had some element of otherworldly-ness, maybe. I was a different person. Hee! I startled my husband when I laughed just now over your booze recommendation.

We got some sleet tonight- I'm praying for a thaw by monday. Trinsic sent us another bill. How messed up is that? It's in the pile to be faxed to the utilities commission, assuming we have the right number for him. I can't find where I wrote it down. My husband says that swaps are stressing me out too much and he'd really prefer it if I stopped. So, I've stopped. But. I'm unhappy about it. Not so much the regular swapping, but I really wanted to get into starting decant circles. We have the money right now for the supplies, but he says we should save it, which means he doesn't want me spending the money on perfume, and I wish he would just say that, because it's not like anything EVER gets saved. We blow it on stupid things, and I would just as soon have the decanting stuff. I get where he's coming from, but I am so frustrated because I'm fixated on the vials right now, and I desperately want to try Hope and Faith. I'll test them at Convergence, though. (Assuming they're going to be among the throng.) I should just sell all my perfume before Convergence. I'm in a mood. Oh! I should be setting up an appointment with a real, live therapist next week sometime. (Not going to the appointment next week, but setting one up for hopefully sometime soon.) That's quite a relief... I will sing the praises of medication for depression and anxiety until I'm blue in the face, because they've helped me so very much... but I think I've reached the limit of where they can take me. It's pretty impressive. I wouldn't have believed it a few years ago, but I'm the happiest I've ever been. I just don't want to slide back into depression, and I feel like I could do that. So, yeah. Instead of buying decanting supplies, I went switch witch shopping. Okay. I have GOT to stop obsessing over this.