mermaidrage

In the bottle: Barely anything. There's a light tea, something vaguely floral, but otherwise it's almost nonexistant. On skin: Tamamo-no-mae is immediately creamy and rich! I can definitely believe that black locust could be part of the same family as sweet pea because that's what I immediately think I smell. The tea settles to the background but is replaced by this wonderful glowing musk, back up by the sandalwood. I absolutely adore this. I'm going to have to try to hunt down a backup bottle (or three)!

Fixed Earth: the essence of possession. Rose, daisy, apple blossom, violet, poppy, columbine, thyme, and mint. I was really nervous about the violet at first -- it's one of those notes that I love in theory and hate on me. It always smells like being five-years-old and Barbie bubble bath. In the bottle: MINT! And violets and something that smells like fresh-turned earth. There's... something under there. Probably the thyme. It's a bit disconcerting but interesting. On skin: Oh, this is interesting! I barely get any rose for which I'm grateful -- I tend to amp it and I really wanted to smell something other than rose for once, as much as I love it. This is all heady violets kept crisp by the mint and what I can now tell is definitely thyme. There are other creamy florals there which I think must be the daisy and maybe the columbine. Dry: After an hour, I can still catch a light whiff of it. This isn't a strong scent, but it blends nicely into the skin. It's more like a barefoot walk in a dewy garden before the sun's gone too hot, followed by a lovely cup of mint tea.

So, after freaking out the other day I remember why I always ought to pay attention to my feelings. My friend was in a car wreck. She's going to be fine, thankfully, but the timing was just odd. My timing seems to be consistently odd. I don't know if I truly believe in ESP and other psychic things, but I do know that I have a lifelong pattern of knowing when something bad is going to or has happened. There are almost daily moments of knowing little things, but these are the main ones: 1) right before my mom got phone calls telling her of my grandfather and uncle's deaths, i told her not to pick up the phone because it was going to be bad. we were living in Japan and neither of them had been sick before they died. 2) i dreamed of my grandfather's death the night before he died. not just of him dying, but the exact manner of his death. 3) i did the pre-phone call thing when my grandmother had the final stroke that put her in hospice care. i answered my phone and said "it's grandma, isn't it?" before my mother said a word. i'd actually been anxious and worried for a few days before, starting the day that she had her first stroke. 4) the morning of 9/11, i had a feeling that i needed to take the train into penn station instead of the WTC. i'd never gone into school that way before. I think I need to stop dismissing these feelings.

I think this is just going to be a crappy weekend. Let me preface this by saying that SAD is totally kicking my ass this winter, far worse than it has in years. That, and it's been a dreadful year in a lot of ways (between having to do hospice care for my grandmother, losing all my friends when I switched majors, relapsing back into my ED and not being able to lose weight fast enough and feeling hopeless for not knowing what the hell I'm doing with my life despite being at the age when I should have graduated). I'm miserable, lonely, always cold, isolated, withdrawn and desperately trying to hold it together. Anyway. I'm going to be 23 on monday. I have no friends in this godforsaken state to go out with. Even my old friends that I see very rarely are too busy to even bother with me. There's nothing to do. I have no way to get money to go out and treat myself because Wells Fargo conveniently didn't send out my replacement debit card when mine expired at the end of January. It's absolutely freezing. My rent went up. The only good thing was that my mom and dad were going to take me out tomorrow night for Italian food and wine. Well, my dad has decided that he doesn't want to miss a chamber concert (seriously, they go every single weekend) so that's not happening. We can't do it on Sunday night because I have an 8am chemistry exam on monday so I can't drink that night. And to top it all off, I feel revoltingly fat and I still can't do anything about it as my achilles tendon is still sending shooting pains up my leg. I just want to scream. And I know I'm being whiny and overreacting. I know it. That's why I'm bitching in a blog. I'm just sick of feeling this isolated and unloved. I don't get what's wrong with me. I want friends in this state. I want a boyfriend who likes me and would surprise me with flowers on my birthday. I want to have my life together. I want to be sure that I'm doing the right thing. And I just don't know anything.

I'd love to find a BPAL similar to Burberry Brit GOLD.

I am so thrilled for the Neil Gaiman scents, even though almost none of them sound like they'll work for me. How is it that Beth can make scents that I rationally know will smell awful on me so enticing? Bilquis -- No, because it has the honey of doom. But... rose otto! Myrrh! Ambrette! Warm musk! How I wish I'd ever met a honey blend that played nicely on me. Mad Sweeney -- Not for me, but I wish I had a boy to put this on a breathe in deeply and contentedly. Mama-Ji -- Oh, this one is really, really, really incredibly tempting. It's not at the top of my order list, but I do love me some cardamom and nutmeg. It just depends on the other "spices". Mr. Ibis -- YES! There is absolutely nothing in this blend I don't like. Vanilla flower? Musk? Sandalwood? Aloe? Please give now, thank you very much. Mr. Jacquel -- Probably not because of the patchouli but it does sound lovely. Amber and hyssop, such a lovely sounding combination. Mr. Nancy -- Ooooh, maybe. Sugar cookies, lime and rum... mmmm... I'm a bit leery about tobacco but this one has to go on the list. Spider -- Hmph. If not for the vetiver, this would be a 'well DUH'. I wonder if I'll ever find a vetiver BPAL for me. Crow Moon -- Okay, probably not because of the vervain, but that makes me so sad. All the florals sound lovely. Oborot -- Oh yes! This sounds like a dark, thick blend I could really get into. Fire Pig -- Absobloodylutely! If only because I'm really missing Hong Kong and Chinese New Year right now. Besides the fact that peony is one of my very favourite florals and everything else sounds delish. Re-cap: Yes to Mr. Ibis, Oborot and Fire Pig. Maybe to Mama-Ji, Mr. Jacquel and Mr. Nancy. No to Bilquis, Mad Sweeney, Spider and Crow Moon.

It is SUCH a memorable city, isn't it? I do the same thing -- smells, a quick glance at something, and I'm right back there. I wish I had relatives who lived there, just for an excuse to go back! Even most of my friends are now at college in the USA.

How long did you get to stay? I always loved HK at Christmastime. All the lights and the festivities are just amazing. I agree, it's one of the oddest places but so fascinating. I hope you get to go back soon!

I did! I've actually lived in Hong Kong longer than anywhere else at this point, for nine years. I hated it when I was there (probably because I hated the school I was at) but now I really wish I could go back and reexplore it because it's as close to a home as I have.

Like everyone else, one of my resolutions this year was to read at least 100 books outside of classes. This is just my way of keeping myself accountable and possibly to give other people suggestions of books they might enjoy. I also write lame mini-reviews which you are welcome to giggle at. 1) Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress: A Novel by Dai Sijie. A lovestory (of words and people) set in a rural village in China during the Cultural Revolution. It heightens one's understanding of the horrors of Mao's plans for "re-education" and goals for China. Despite the injustice and the potential for anger, this story is charming and gentle, choosing to focus instead on making do with reality and finding an escape in language. Absolutely beautiful, a wonderful way to start out the year. 2) The Penelopiad: The Myth of Penelope and Odysseus by Margaret Atwood. Margaret Atwood does it again! As a reader, I've often wondered about the backstory of popular myths and what Penelope was REALLY like has always been up there in my mind, especially as I find her so much more interesting than Helen. The language is, as always, devastatingly beautiful and honest without being blunt. 3) Life Before Man by Margaret Atwood. I'd never even heard of this particular Atwood work and, at the end of it, I can understand why. It must have been more shocking when it was originally written, but for me, the swingers were uninteresting because they seemed so normal. Lasje, however, with her dinosaur-fascination did manage to hold my attention to the end. If you're an Atwood fan, it's worth a read but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone just starting to explore her work. 4) Lighthousekeeping by Jeanette Winterson. This is a lovely, quick read that I could have spent a month on. Silver's story woven in with Tristan and Isolde is absolutely breathtaking. The wonderful thing about Winterson is that she manages to write what feels truthful in a way that it is different upon every reread. Her honesty is multifaceted and prone to slipping away under scrutiny. 5) Willful Creatures: Stories by Aimee Bender. A quirky collection of short stories from the author of The Girl in the Flammable Skirt. I can't possibly describe them without using the words "surreal" and "bizarre". With characters from a big man who keeps a little man as a pet to an insomniac with an iron for a head, these stories will either draw you in or leave you out in the cold. 6) Piranha to Scurfy: Stories by Ruth Rendell. This collection of Rendell's short stories definitely has its weak points, but the first and last story (introducing Ribbon the literary snob and Ben who stumbles into a relationship in a village where everything works... differently) make up for it. Rendell's background as a mystery writer shines through as these stories are full of questions and waiting with baited breath for whatever comes next. 7) Eleven Minutes: A Novel by Paulo Coelho. Maria is a girl who, at a young age, determines that love will not come to her. By the time she is 19, she is working as a prostitute in Switzerland. The title comes from her realization that sex takes only eleven minutes to complete and yet people are obsessed with it, a theme that she will continue to wonder about through the whole book. Her trials and triumphs are sometimes fascinating, sometimes bordering on idiotic. All in all, worth the read but nowhere near Coelho's best. 8) The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien. I'd actually read this before, but it was one of the books that I read when I was 8 and trying to prove that I could. It didn't mean much to me then but this time, I'm awestruck. I love the poetry and the songs, the dialogue between the characters. It reminds me that I really need to go back and reread the Lord of the Rings trilogy and The Silmarillon.

Oooh, I love Cat's Eye too. I could read it over and over again. I'm glad you got some ideas! Definitely try 'Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress' if that intrigued you. It's really fabulous... my review couldn't possibly do it justice. And it led me to all these other books about the Cultural Revolution that I've got piled up waiting for me.

I actually haven't read it yet but it's now on my list! Have you gotten to read Oryx and Crake yet? It's really fabulous if you haven't.

In the imp: Lots of violet and jasmine, something a bit powdery which makes me very nervous. Wet: HOLY violets. These are sugary, wonderful violets. The jasmine is still there but the incense is starting to pop out and settle over everything else. Dry: This is a fantastically complex scent on me. It's not one I would wear on a daily basis but it has a very regal, sophisticated feel. I find myself reaching for it when I want to feel womanly, not girly. All of the notes stay in perfect balance (except the purple fruits which, thankfully, never show up). It's definitely got a good amount of throw but it's not nearly as overwhelming as it seems at first. I splurged on a bottle and I'm very glad I did.

In the imp: Peach! And a darker edge -- I guess that must be the oakmoss. Wet: Warm, golden, summer-sweet peaches. These are the peaches that, when you bite into them, drip sticky sweet juice down your fingers. Maybe a bit of musk, definitely some heliotrope lifting the scent even higher. Dry: Lots of warm, white musk. The peaches are still right out there. The heliotrope backs down a bit and there's something that smells a lot like a rich vanilla mixed in. I REALLY like this. I have a partial 5ml and I'm going to have to top this up.

Saint-Germain makes me wish I had a man of my own who wore this. Until then, I'll happily wear it myself. It doesn't change much at all on me from wet to drydown. The amber is extremely sensual -- it almost reads as a warm musk to my nose and it's fabulous. The lavender stays in the background, just enough to to calm or, as the description says, hypnotize. I'm not sure what the moss smells like but if it's what's darkening the carnation, it's fabulous.

I love jasmine and iris. I really do. I was so excited for Zorya that I bought a bottle unsniffed. I was all "oooh, jasmine! iris! musk! yay!" For the first hour and a half of wearing it, it is spiky, painful spices with nondescript florals in the background. Finally, the spices die down a bit and I get a hint of jasmine and some musk. No iris. The drydown's nice but I really dislike the drying process. I'm going to see if it works better on my mom. Otherwise, it's off to the swaps.

Let me start by saying that, when I was creating my wishlist, Lurid did not make the cut. As much as I love lavender, the blackcurrant weirded me out and the ozone tipped the scale in favour of 'no'. This is the moment when I am so thankful for the lab's generous frimpage. In the imp: Creamy, thick, heavy lavender but there's that frozen quality that I always associate with ozone. It's almost giving me a headache and I am WORRIED. Wet: No ozone. Really. Now, the muskand the lavender are perfectly blended and I think there's some blackcurrant sweetening the deal in there but I couldn't pick it out for sure. Dry: It's still a gorgeous creamy lavender but the ozone's back a bit more, giving the whole scent a cold, dangerous edge. It's incredibly sexy -- think of the silent woman in a tight black cocktail dress leaning against the bar with a vodka tonic in her hand and knife tucked down the side of her boot. One day I am going to have a bottle of this.

In the imp: It's a very light, clean ginger with a hint of cream. Wet: Plasticky ginger. Dry: Lovely, creamy, delicious ginger. Lightly sugared, really fabulous. 15 minutes later: Totally gone. *cries* I really wanted it to last as soon as it dried. It is such a gorgeous scent but my skin eats it up too quickly.

Cathode was one of those scents that immediately went on my "Okay, not trying that one" list. For the life of me, I can't figure out why. I was frimped this in my last lab order and I was so pleasantly surprised. In the imp: Dark mint, metallic ozone and very, very cold. On: MINT! It's still dark, but it's smoothly dark, if that makes sense. It slips onto my skin like silk and settles in like it belongs there. There's something green, too dark to be grassy -- I'm guessing that's the moss and it holds the mint under control. It's not metallic anymore, but it's cold and crisp, very refreshing. Drydown: Still mint and moss, but a bit warmer like it's warmed up to body temperature. I smell like my favourite moroccan mint tea. This was a very pleasant surprise! Maybe a bottle, not sure yet.

At first sniff, all I got was Froot Loops! That's okay, I mean, I don't mind froot loops. I wasn't sure I wanted to smell like them, but it could work. On the skin, the orange blossom and kumquat leap out IMMEDIATELY. This is incredibly wet and citrussy -- it actually reminds me a lot of the satsuma perfume from The Body Shop I wore all through middle school. It's similar, but the pepper gives it a sophisticated kick that keeps it from being too sweet or citrussy and for some reason the white tea makes it feel lightly musky and sexy. This is really nice. I'm thrilled to have a bottle of this!

I can see that this scent would be really gorgeous on the right person. I really wanted to like it too, and was thrilled when I was frimped it with one of my orders. However, somehow I get the worst part of every note. The cherry smells like maraschino cherry syrup rather than real cherries. I don't get any cream. The vetiver makes the cherries smell rotten. The wine just goes wrong in an overly-fermented way. The honey is too sticky. The skin musk is rancid. It makes me so sad. Seriously.

Penny Dreadful is one of my shouldn't-like-it-but-I-do scents. Wet: Dirt. Lots of dirt. Dirt and maybe a bit of sugary sweetness. Not sure where the sugar's coming from. On skin: Dirt, something spicy that makes me think of nutmeg and... rose? Something floral. I kind of like it although I know I smell like dirt. My MOM walked into my room while I was testing it and smelled dirt. This amuses me more than it should. Dry: I don't see myself wearing this often but it is really beautiful. The dirt has mellowed a lot, leaving me with a slightly spicy, grounded rose. It still smells a bit dusty, almost like a penny dreadful would have smelled like if tossed in the attic and uncovered years later. It's warm and totally different than I would have imagined. Not a bottle probably, but I'll definitely use up my imp.

I was really kind of disappointed in Aureus. It doesn't smell like golden light to me at all. It smells like hippie -- rather, it's VERY resinous which always smells dark and heavy to me. It sits on my skin and smells like dusty wood and patchouli. It's okay, but it's not anything I see myself wearing. I think it's going off to one of my guy friends -- it seems like a very masculine scent to me.

Thaleia is heavy on me, unfortunately. Heavy and barbie-doll vanilla. Maybe some honey. I'll give it another shot on a day that isn't topping 100 degrees, but something in my skin chemistry doesn't seem to like it. And it's such a pity -- I really wanted to love this.

Vanilla Lust sounds absolutely TO DIE FOR. There's got to be a BPAL blend that replicates that, right? Please?