Jeni Mullen

Quintessential BPAL filth. Three swarthy, smutty musks sweetened with sugar and woozy with dark booze notes. Comparing this to my 2015 vintage smut, you can really tell the difference. Both are fantastic, but the hair gloss is brighter and more sugar than musk. I can only assume that this is due to the former aging. There is less of an in your face quality to this hair gloss and its one that I am more than willing to wear to work or out. If you are a fan of musks you are going to need this. If you are a fan of smut oil? You're going to love this too.

Dried blue and indigo fruits, iris root, and white oudh. This is a dark, heavy sort of floral. The dried fruit is just that, dry. It actually has a more wine-like quality to it than you'd think reading the description. This feels close and romantic., not bright and airy like I was picturing. The name actually makes a whole lot of sense: It feels like you're in a lady's parlor after dinner and drinks in some sort of Victorian or Edwardian manor house playing cards in mixed company. Scandelous and feminine. I don't actually think I would like to wear it but I do think I would like to be in a room with cocktails and a fancy dress that smelled like this.

One squirt is all you need! The blueberry is strong, sweet and in your face. It smells like you just warmed up a can of blueberry pie filling!!! It's definitely a heavier scent, something you'd want to wear in cold weather instead of warm because the scent itself is so warm. There's very little cream to the hair gloss, but you can make out the crust once the blueberry starts to settle. I have chin length hair and used this after the shower as a detangler. It lasted all day and I was given compliments by the girls at Lush and my trader Joe's check out guy!

This is one of those perfect BTPT red musk scents. It's in the family with Holliday and Red Shirt Diaries. Sweet and spicy and super sexy.

I was not at all a fan of this in the bottle. It's extremely strong and smells like fake strawberries...sort of like a scratch and sniff sticker. Thankfully, I know better than to immediately discard something without spraying it. Spraying this is like spraying Boo Hair Gloss. If you don't get out of the room quickly, it will choke you and make your nose feel like it's going to bleed. Thankfully, when it settled into your hair, it is AMAZING. The fake strawberry and candle smell transforms into really, just bitten into strawberries. It's like I'm sitting in a strawberry field. It's wonderful!

The orange scent in this is light and airy and everything you would think should be in a perfume for spring. It's very different from the sorts of smells I usually like (heavy in sugar or extremely woodsy). In fact, I found that the "wood amber" doesn't have a wood quality to it at all. It is a nice base for the orange, warming it up, but otherwise, not what I expected and still marvelous. I don't get a creamsicle effect at all. I don't actually find this even remotely foody. The tea takes awhile to come out and when it does, it's herbal and again, not foody. I'm surprised that I like this as much as I do but I really do like it!

Holy whateveryoubelievein-- Cranberry. Genuine, real, sweet-tart cranberries! There a bit of a happy evergreen Christmas tree scent in the background but this is sooooo good. I'm so glad I got a decant. This definitely feels wintery so I don't think I need a bottle but I'm loking forward to busting this decant out next year!

In the bottle and wet on my skin this was extremely faint and smelled sort of like those sugared orange slice gummy candies. It was very sweet and had a sort of fake orange scent that I thought was weird at first but kind of liked. After ten minutes, the sweet orange-aid scent dwindled down to sour rinds. I ended up washing it off.

I don't get candy in this at all. Wet, it was doughy and sweet like jam. I didn't get apricots or peaches or anything, just something like generic jam smell if that means anything? It faded away to pure oatmeal as it dried and there it stayed. Oatmeal.

I can see where the cookie dough comparison comes in. The gloss is extremely strong, one squirt goes a very long way and lasted all day (the way Boo and Eat Me hair gloss do). Unfortunately, the chocolate has a sort of chalky scent, not a really rich or deep chocolate scent. I know some people prefer it but I was hoping for a more Oreo-esque scent. It is extremely sweet though.

In the imp: SO EXCITED!!! This smells like apple pie filling, but perhaps not as foodie? On me this was very fake apple pie, almost like a candle. It had a weird sort of strong, bitey APPLEness to it. I hate to describe it this way but it was a little like the Bath and Body Works air scented a a coworker loves. It's not BAD. But it comes off as fake on me.

This is my jam. It's my favorite perfume (though it can go a little fake vanilla on me from time to time). Not so with the hair gloss! It smells like cakes and coconut rum, lingering without ever being too overwhelming. I was so pleased for it to have the staying power of a hair gloss like Boo. And I'm very glad I have my five bottles. I wear it almost every day and spray it all over my clothing and scarf too!

I found my decant to be pretty darn heavy on the leaves smell and loads upon loads of patch. I actually found myself washing my hair after the test. It was just very strong on me and I prefer my scents more mild.

A decant of red shirt diaries and a decant of snake charmer hair gloss never leave my toiletry kit. They are just in the small 1oz spray bottles you can get from Target that cost 79 cents.

This turns 100% Granny Smith apple on my skin, like I've rubbed the fruit all over. I don't get any of the clove of the vanilla until almost half an hour in. It does something beautiful and mellow at the half hour or so mark but the throw by that point is so minimal that I have to press my nose to my wrist. It does smell amazing but having to wait so long and then losing the throw does not a keeper make.

I had been hoping that this would smell like the cheesecake cupcake in Beaver'Versary, but it does not. The cream goes instantly rancid on my skin and while 75% of creamy blends do the same thing, I have to wonder if it's the pumpkin note and much less the cupcake note that's doing it. I remember the same meaty smell (or rather, reread my reviews of pumpkin blends from NYCC last year) that did the same thing to me. I tried a little in my scent locket and while it's better than what my skin does to it, I just didn't like it enough to keep it and traded it away the next day.

Just a note on my own personal tastes, my nose, etc to give you an understanding of what's shaping this review! My favorite blend of all time is Mme Moriarty, followed by Captain Lilith and her First Mate, followed by Gingerbread Snake, Ivory Vulva, Druid, Blood, Strawberry Sufganiyot, Snake Charmer Resurrected, Loved to Death, Eat Me, Beaver'Versary, Dana O'Shea, and Bastet. I usually wear Mme. Moriarty or Captain Lilith, but mix it up from time to time with the other blends or for special occasions. Death notes: Cedar, mahogany, oak, all florals except rose and violet, frankincense, vetiver, civet, chocolate, cream, cardamom, leather, tobacco, sandalwood, dirt, wine, anise, saffron, almond Notes I adore: red musk, vanilla, coconut, apricot/peach, plum, black currant, dragon's blood, rum, cake, orange, Middle Eastern spices, Asian spices, amber, pumpkin, strawberry, cherry, sugar Imp: Floral-paluza...ick. wet: I'm actually not getting much of anything. I smell the other test areas over this...weird. dry about 25 minutes: honey and musk are there, I smell my lovely violet...and honestly, it's very underwhelming. I know RPG scents are made for layering. I'm going to add this to Druid during a full body test and see how that goes! I'll report back. But by itself... Nah. I never smelled the hair gloss but I'm not sure I missed out either.

Just a note on my own personal tastes, my nose, etc to give you an understanding of what's shaping this review! My favorite blend of all time is Mme Moriarty, followed by Captain Lilith and her First Mate, followed by Gingerbread Snake, Ivory Vulva, Druid, Blood, Strawberry Sufganiyot, Snake Charmer Resurrected, Loved to Death, Eat Me, Beaver'Versary, Dana O'Shea, and Bastet. I usually wear Mme. Moriarty or Captain Lilith, but mix it up from time to time with the other blends or for special occasions. Death notes: Cedar, mahogany, oak, all florals except rose and violet, frankincense, vetiver, civet, chocolate, cream, cardamom, leather, tobacco, sandalwood, dirt, wine, anise, saffron, almond Notes I adore: red musk, vanilla, coconut, apricot/peach, plum, black currant, dragon's blood, rum, cake, orange, Middle Eastern spices, Asian spices, amber, pumpkin, strawberry, cherry, sugar To be honest, I read the notes on this first. Teak is a wood and wood smells generally turn to pencil shavings and dust on me so I was a little bit wary and pre-disposed to not liking Desire... HOWEVER. imp: Sugar, sweet and gooey sugar. wet: Nothing special honestly. I'm getting some musky rose now but there's still lots of sugar. dry 20 minutes: I was leaning my head on my palm and smelling something amazing. I'm testing Catheral, Elf and Storm Moon on the same arm. I already know it can't be Storm Moon or Cath and Elf is suppose to be florals so I should just be getting a headache.. Sniff sniff... WOW. Desire. I'm not getting the patch at all (sometimes doesn't play well with me) nor the teak. There's a sugary, rosey, appley musk thing happening in my testing spot and it. Is. Amazing. This imp will be moving into my full body test phase...but I can actually see me adding this in the future to the GET A BOTTLE slot in my testing case.

Just a note on my own personal tastes, my nose, etc to give you an understanding of what's shaping this review! My favorite blend of all time is Mme Moriarty, followed by Captain Lilith and her First Mate, followed by Gingerbread Snake, Ivory Vulva, Druid, Blood, Strawberry Sufganiyot, Snake Charmer Resurrected, Loved to Death, Eat Me, Beaver'Versary, Dana O'Shea, and Bastet. I usually wear Mme. Moriarty or Captain Lilith, but mix it up from time to time with the other blends or for special occasions. Death notes: Cedar, mahogany, oak, all florals except rose and violet, frankincense, vetiver, civet, chocolate, cream, cardamom, leather, tobacco, sandalwood, dirt, wine, anise, saffron, almond Notes I adore: red musk, vanilla, coconut, apricot/peach, plum, black currant, dragon's blood, rum, cake, orange, Middle Eastern spices, Asian spices, amber, pumpkin, strawberry, cherry, sugar Imp: Nothing too strong, maybe sandalwood or some ash? Wet: There's something in here that my skin doesn't like already and it's getting very stinky, very fast. What normally does this is aged patch, frankincense and dark animal musks like vetiver. 15 minutes dry: Okay, there has got to be some civet or vetiver in here because that's the only note that turns to rancid meat on me. I can smell something like dust and bookcases over that, so my guess would be frank and maybe cedar or oak. There might be something like whatever notes Beth uses to make the dusty book smell like she uses in Miskatonic University but I mainly am getting yucky meat.

Wow. Vanilla Fields. That actually brings up such a strong scent memory. The vanilla in that was almost like vanilla extract. I don't find Antique Lace to be much like it at all. I haven't tried the stuff that's out now but my baby self from the 90s doesn't really think that bpal has an equivalent. Bpal vanilla tends to go powdery on me. Because the oils react to different skin in different ways, I don't think it would be replicatable. Snake Charner hair gloss gives me the same sort of feeling that Vanilla Fields does, but is waaaay more coconut. And Snake Charmer Res doesn't give me the same feeling at all. So I don't know. So I looked up the 1993 notes. Vanilla Fields by Coty is a Oriental Vanilla fragrance for women. Vanilla Fields was launched in 1993. Top notes are bergamot, coconut and peach; middle notes are jasmine, geranium and lily-of-the-valley; base notes are amber, virginia cedar, patchouli, sandalwood, musk, tonka bean and vanilla. I can't wear essential oil flower smells but I do like flower scents in bath and body works stuff (cashmire, twilight woods, etc). I also can't wear cedar, patch or sandalwood from bpal without feeling like my nose will bleed. But that bergamot, coconut, vanilla blend does remind me of SC actually.

Ooooh ho. Mme. Moriarty was one of my first ever purchases from Bpal, well before I got into the social media and the forums. I had been frimped some Alice, went onto the website on the little card attached to it and picked up bottles based on art. Yeeees. I was in my early twenties. I can be forgiven, right? The Madame and I had the best of times until I reached a half bottle, went back online to order and GASP. Gone. I didn't order BPAL again until I ran into them last year at NYCC and revisited Alice (who decided she didn't like me anymore), discovered Eat Me and Jack and thus, my love of BPAL returned. Anyhow, when the Madame returned, despite the formula change, I ordered myself way too many bottles. Black Currant plays well with me in Eat Me so I thought, why not? Let me tell you, I think this new formula is BETTER than the old. Please don't lynch me! In the Bottle: Sugary, fruity musk. It's very, very light and for a moment, I was almost scared that this would be a fader. The scent in the bottle has almost no throw. If I leave it open on my desk while I type, I don't get much more than faint berries and pale musk. Wet: Red musk and vanilla, this smells almost exactly like my red musk version of Red Shirt Diaries Hair Gloss (which I love). A moment later and the deep fruits come out. Plum and black current and pomegranate...you can absolutely tell that they are in there, though I can't pick out the notes. The fruit is THAT well blended. Dry after 15 minutes: Patch and I don't usually get along but I'm not getting any patch at all. There's no smelly hippie scent to this. Maybe all the patch does is work with the musk to give it lasting and staying power? I don't know. Anyhow, the throw on this is amazing.I can smell my wrist at nearly arm length. I'd say that this formula is way more potent than the original. Dry after an hour: Just had breakfast and walked the dog and yeeeeeees. Still there, just as strong! It's a spicy, lingering, sweet vanilla musk. It actually reminds me a lot of Eat Me on Red Musk, though the musk itself is very underplayed. I get more sweet fruits without the creamy cake in Eat Me but their similarities are there, for me at least. I'd call them cousins. Eat Me is young and cakey sweet. The Madame is older, worldlier, and while still sweet, is also very sexy. ETA 12/4/15: I put some of my beloved Madame on this morning and found myself pouting. It's already starting to turn into the more heady, perfumey and patchouli laden blend of her original version. I LIKE her original blend but I LOVED her new blend. Until now. It seems she ages pretty darn quickly. She's still nice from a few months back but I'm not sure how often I'll reach to her any more. Anyone wanting to original blend, get the new stuff and let it hang out for four months or so to age and you'll get it! Edit: been a few hours and it's completely gone. This is just like the old Madame.

I love Asp Viper and Temple Viper. I am almost out of Asp Viper so I'm excited for it's re-release!

This is a scent that I seriously do not smell on me. Not a whiff. In the bottle it's a perfect, coconuty snake oil but in my hair I get nothing. The magic is that everyone ELSE loves it. I get extra long hugs. I get told that I smell utterly amazing. I get asked all the time what perfume I'm wearing. I've always worn bpal for myself but when I want to impress other people, I reach for this! Any time I have a meeting I throw this on. I keep a decant in my desk. I have gotten compliments for the way I smell before (boo hair gloss is another universal winner) but I get compliments every single time I wear this. I should track down more of the Snake Charmer oil because this is the scent everyone now associates with me. Yeah. It's that special.

Dorian wears everything. His perfume collection is as massive as any of ours!

I always just write body oil. Because that's what they are.