Soupy Twist

Apple Jolly Rancher in the bottle (which is a good scent). Goes on as apple plus gin. The gin disappears for a bit and there's only Granny Smith juice — basically identical to Pure Applesauce. But give it a moment; the gin comes back, muscling the apple out of the way altogether. It's not fizzy like Twenty-One, but it's definitely that gin note. Not as heavy as Twenty-One, I think, and it suffers a bit for obliterating the apple. After maybe half an hour the Jolly Rancher note kicks out the booze, and in an hour the entire thing is gone.

The Lab's awful jasmine stamen note in the bottle, but fortunately that doesn't reach my wrist. Goes on as a nice lily. It starts becoming a little powdery, though, and then vagues out into a more generic floral. It's pretty, but I think Lilium Inter Spinas is a better lily note.

I should have known. It has tea and citrus in it; why did I expect it to last? Juicy honeydew in the bottle and on application, and then 15 seconds later I get a tiny wee burst of lime as it vanishes completely. That might be a new record for disappearing time, though.

Coffee and... apple? apple juice? I can't put my finger on it. It's sweet, and juicy, but I can't identify the note. Mostly cheap bitter black coffee — I see why everyone is saying "Turkish," because the family resemblance is there. The cinnamon shows up eventually, but it's the weird off kind. Fades soon.

Cookies in the bottle. Goes on as unsweetened bergamot (this is definitely Earl Grey). For about a minute there's some horrible sharp note — smoke? pepper? — which finally fades. Then it starts to cycle between a more subdued cookie note, bergamot tea, cream, and an unfortunately unpleasant honey, in sequence. I will never understand how morphers work and they are so bloody fascinating.

Coffee and wet cake in the bottle (which is absolutely tiramisu). Goes on as coffee. But the strong coffee almost immediately starts to recede into something sweet, maybe floral? with a little cinnamon. Definitely becoming more floral as it dries. Where did my coffee note go? The more it dries, the more it's turning into a soapy, powdery floral. What, are these the flowers on the restaurant table? ooh, gross, rose. WTF? Okay, I'm done. crap, I really had high hopes for this.

A pure single-note cassia cinnamon. No honey at all, but maybe the honey is sweetening the cinnamon and rounding it out so it's not dusty. No skin burn, which is unusual because Inferno leaves welts. I like this a lot.

Um. Salt water? with a little pine? ozone? My stomach is turning.

In the bottle it's the inside of a candy cane. Goes on as more mint and less sugar, and not really any vanilla in this one. Definitely a sinus-clearer, and oop! there's the light burn after about two minutes. Like One More Time minus any powdered sugar note. Damn, the burn gets fierce as it dries. This is almost straight-up peppermint oil without any of the sugar or vanilla of other years, although it's not bitter.

A pretty if generic aquatic floral. No ginger. Like Sea of Glass's younger cousin.

Chocolate in the bottle. Goes on as that pepper/tar note from Pottaskefill. Some chocolate works its way back in briefly, and then it's back to pepper. This starts to morph into clove, which isn't so bad, but the amber shows up and I'm done.

2011 version: Sugar and cream in the bottle. Goes on as a clear mixture of all three notes. I get sugar crystals, like it wants to be the Lab's brûlée note but it's softer, not quite as caramelized. The cotton note becomes stronger for a bit — I was getting more "clean linen," which is a nice scent but doesn't work with the food. This soon departs, and it dries into creamy sweetness with just a hint of the caramel note. Hours later, the cloth scent comes back — this is starting to remind me of Stekkjarstaur. If you liked him, you'll like this, but I didn't care for him.

There's an entire Dead Leaves line you can explore, which may be added to this year whenever Weenies drop. Other than that, I'm not sure what an "autumn spice" is which doesn't involve "cinnamon/food scents."

Honey in the bottle. Goes on as chamomile, but this soon becomes a fake kind of honey. It continues into an artificial, candy-like cough drop kind of honey which eventually becomes more realistic but not amazing. An hour later: I've changed my verdict. This is a really nice honey note. Floral overtones.

hah! this is perfectly apt for me. Vanilla with some vile plastic scent in the bottle — maybe whatever's in my chemistry is so aggressive it doesn't even wait for the skin test. Seriously, I recoiled from the bottle, wondering if it had spoiled somehow. Goes on as vanilla ice cream for about three seconds, and then some horrific cheap plastic note smothers everything. I had to scrub it off before it even finished drying. I've done fine with most other BPAL vanillas, so I wonder what went wrong here. This is similar to whatever is in French Vanilla.

I'm probably lucky that the Lab's site is down right now, because I would have bought this in the first half-hour of wearing it and then really regretted it. Goes on as a perfect fizzy root beer float. This gets smoother and rounder as it dries but is still the exact experience of root beer and vanilla ice cream. But the final drydown turns into a sour, musky plastic. It really wants to be the vanilla marshmallow of Stekkjarstaur, but it's missing. Damn.

My impression of this is "a candy cane when you're halfway done eating it." So to lick it one more time is perfectly apt. Not as insanely intense as Lick It Again. A light burn a few minutes in, which keeps going for a while. No real vanilla here (which is fine) but the drydown definitely has some powdered sugar in it. Probably the closest to Lick It Again so far. As the drydown continues, I'm getting more of a Peppermint Patty creamy note. This will be a locket scent for sure.

Stamen and stem (the green woody smell of a sunflower stem, you know what I mean) in the bottle and on application. The Lab's jasmine note absolutely hates me. To my surprise, these soon fade, and there's a wee weak bit of orange blossom struggling to emerge. Then the whole thing turns to soap. Off to swaps.

Plum pudding, holly, and brandy-soaked raisin with frumenty, mince pie, and a hint of suet. In the bottle: WTF is that?! Mince pie? I've never smelled mince pie, so I don't know. Goes on as the brandied raisin thing, which turns... savory. Salty. The suet, I guess. Then I get the plum pudding, which dries into a fake grape bubblegum kind of note. Goddamn the Mad Tea Party line is weird. Not in a bad way. Technically brilliant, an astounding series of artworks utterly capturing all of Carroll's impossible characters and descriptions. But seriously weird.

Freshly ground coffee in the bottle. Goes on as a rich roasted coffee note, almost burnt, but not in a bad way. Nice depth to it, with something which hints at tobacco. Not much throw, though — I like my coffee more aggressive, both on the wrist and in the cup. (she says, drinking her second espresso of the morning) Although it has ridiculous staying power; I was still getting teeny whiffs of it 12 hours later.

I couldn't tell you what scent to wear, because everyone's taste is different, but I can suggest how to decide. Determine what you want to feel at the hospital. Do you need to be brave? Feel calm? Feel comforted? Overcome nausea? Block the smell of something specific? Are you going to be there for hours, or a short visit? Then go through your collection and sniff to see if the scent evokes that feeling you're looking for. This can change for me depending on the day, the weather, my mood, and what's going on internally. The same sweet berry that was great yesterday is too much today, but the icy marine I passed over yesterday is perfect right now. A heavy vanilla might be comforting for a fall office visit but stomach-churning for an hour in an MRI in July. Hugs to you and good luck.

White gardenia, ambergris bouquet, lavender fougere, orange blossom, melissa, tobacco flower, coriander, ebony wood, ylang ylang, absinthe and aged whiskey. Gross florals in the bottle. Goes on as a gross lavender, which abruptly dries into a fizzy ctirus! This sadly continues to change into the gardenia, and then the tobacco flower shows up. Finally the old-cigars note of ylang ylang appears, and I'm done. This is definitely an Older Lady perfume; I can see a Fifth Avenue socialite wearing this. And I can see myself opening the windows to clear out the room after she left.

The Lab's jasmine-stamen note in the bottle. Goes on as a lily variant of the stamen, which soon dries to a faint, powdery floral. I can totally see why joopjoop's dear grandmother would have worn something like this. Very much a grandma scent, in a good way.

Fake plum. Yuck.

No, it's just honeysuckle. I thought I might hate this immediately, but there's no patchouli at all. And the Lab's jasmine note hates me, so this is even more astonishing. It does dry to a sickly sweetness, which might be the white musk. Still, considering what I was anticipating, "slightly too sweet/powdery floral" is a big step up.