Doctors Without Borders

[Failmingo]

Hi, all. Just wanted to let folks know here that we are indeed going to be releasing some kind of product to benefit those suffering from the devastating violence in the ongoing Israel/Palestine conflict. Proceeds will go to Doctors Without Borders, who have been mobilizing to address humanitarian concerns and provide life-saving care.

 

I don't know the timeline for this, but if you'd like to donate in the meantime, you can do so here: https://doctorswithoutborders.org/

 

I know the Lab's relative silence about this has probably seemed unusual considering how outspoken we've been in the past. I'm very grateful to those who have accepted this or understood the difficulty in reacting publicly to the enormity of this conflict. There have been times when we've looked past immediate concerns in our personal lives in order to rush forward and voice support for this or that cause -- Black Lives Matter, Ukraine, Roe v. Wade, and so forth. There have been many other times when we wished we could do something, but it just wasn't possible due to miscellaneous factors.

 

It's a huge vote of confidence that in times of crisis, many in our community look to us early on for wisdom, for action, for solace. But we are also just a very few people working under our own unique challenges (and some all-too-general ones) and we're simply not always going to be able to lead the charge. That's why we've worked so hard to inspire and encourage activism in others.

 

Yesterday, on Halloween, a couple of customers attempted a public call-out asking us to take a "hard-line stance" in the recent Israel/Palestine conflict. This happened in the comments of one of our Instagram posts selling Halloween products. I see this as an extension of the many attempts made by folks reaching out to the company -- and to Beth personally -- asking about fundraiser products and how BPAL intends to use its platform to confront this important ongoing matter. I'm not sure many folks realize what it's like to cope with that additional demand while a disaster is unfolding in real time.

 

As a Jewish woman and business owner, Beth has been dealing with a level of grief and anxiety since early October that I (a non-Jewish person) can scarcely comprehend. Part of that comes from feeling like she's under a microscope in terms of forming an adequate personal and professional response to something that just... should not be happening, and is likely to continue happening for... months? Years? Forever?

 

I was on vacation for over a week during the Hamas attacks on Israel, and unable to do anything bit sit back and watch in horror along with everyone else. Anything I might have said from the Lab's accounts would have been seen as an extension of Beth's personal reaction, and I was not about to rush her through that process, no matter what my personal opinions were or how important it seemed to be to respond. 

 

Returning to work in the midst of the Halloween season, I did the only thing that it seemed to make sense to do: keep the business going and the spirit of the season alive. I recognize how jarring it may have seemed for us to go about "business and posting as usual" when folks' feeds were flooded with bloody images, news reports, and calls to action. There have been times when we have suspended "business as usual" in order to join efforts like these, but for reasons mentioned above this could simply not be one of those times. It was not reflective of our indifference, or a lack of engagement on the personal side of things. Posting online can count as activism, but it is not the ultimate expression or test of it. Neither is a retail product that raises funds for charity. 

 

Again, I'm extremely grateful to those in the community who have given us (especially Beth) this time and space to cope and feel our way through this. 

 

As for those comments yesterday, I replied to them from my personal account to try and explain why there had been no response to date, and why no "hard-line" position would be forthcoming. I did not shield them from my personal feelings about how inappropriate and unfair it is to extract these kinds of responses from people (we are a business, but we are definitely also just a few people) on a particular timeline while bodies are still being counted, new atrocities are being committed every day, and reports of anti-Semitism in the US are actively soaring. I underscored the basis of our position -- BPAL stands against murder, genocide, authoritarianism, and terrorism. As for anything more detailed, or a fundraising campaign, we will get there when we can.

Since the Lab had yet to make any official outward statement, I went ahead and shared my response in the Parlour FB group so folks would know that I stood by it, even if we ultimately ended up deleting those comments from the Instagram post (which we did). 

 

Predictably, those commenters deemed my response inadequate and unacceptable. Additionally, it was characterized as bullying, childish, sociopathic, and self-centering. I saw this as a perfect example of why it had been wise for us to hold back from any official response all this time: this is not the kind of discourse that either Beth or myself should have to engage with vigilantly, around the clock, day in and day out, reacting with patience and nuance for every bad-faith interpretation of our action (or inaction, as the case may be).

 

I'd taken all this on in the days immediately following the end of Roe v. Wade, and can honestly say that it trampled my mental health at a time when I was already struggling. I hadn't wanted to, but Beth had already looked down the road and prepared a series of products to release in the event of that ruling, so I voluntarily took the hit. 

 

Having watched Beth go through a comparable low point in the wake of this recent violence, I feel extremely protective of her. The idea of pushing her for a stance or a retail product just to satisfy the expectations of some folks whom we barely know, or don't know at all -- many of whom are dealing with their own grief and anxiety spiral, possibly exacerbated by the accelerated rate of updates being shared online -- seems preposterous to me.

 

So if you have read any churlishness into the response I shared yesterday, that's where it comes from. If neither myself or Beth are currently up to taking something on, for literally any reason, then BPAL is simply not capable of meeting the moment online. I guess next time we'll have to coordinate better with nefarious world leaders to make sure this kind of thing happens on a timeline that better suits our production schedule and personal mental health! 

 

Please trust this: I know that not everyone who is curious about BPAL's absence from this conversation is asking in poor faith, or from a place of entitlement to Beth's voice and labor. It's completely understandable to want to know what we are thinking about all this, or to anticipate a customary fundraising effort. I know how much this community values Beth's insight and creative vision. We have received many messages of support, solidarity, and care. I also know that when people are very freaked out, they might not behave as their best selves. That includes me! What we're dealing with here is kind of a perfect storm, and sometimes all one can do in a storm is weather it.

 

I'm sharing this here for greater accountability because I know that not everyone is part of the Facebook group, and yesterday's moment was worthy of more explanation and reflection, even if a certain amount of unpleasantness is still inevitable. I don't feel that apologies are owed for how I responded: BPAL is a perfume laboratory that sells perfume, and we reserve the right to sell Halloween products on Halloween without being needled for a specific response to emergent global tragedies. We are not a rescue aid society, or a non-profit agency, or an education center, or experts in geopolitics (well, I'm not, but Beth is damn close). We make fragrances inspired by plastic yard decorations. We might seem like a big deal to some folks, but let's all please try to view things at the proper scale. 

 

We promise to keep trying. We love our community and are very proud of those we see speaking out. We are grieving alongside those who are grieving. We are panicking alongside those who are panicking. We are taking care of our friends and loved ones during THEIR crises. None of this can be seen online, or condensed to a pithy social media campaign. Some moments are just not About That. Trying to make everything About That can actually make other things worse.

 

Anyhow, today I'll be sharing stuff related to Doctors Without Borders. I welcome others to do the same, if they're up to it. When Beth is ready, there will be a fundraiser scent. We will continue doing our best to meet the moment.

 

Thanks for reading,

 

TB

 

tom@blackphoenixalchemylab.com

 

 

Here's the substance of what I posted yesterday, for those who may not be in the Facebook group:

 

------------

 

I'm going a bit off the rails here and sharing some personal comments I aired on the Lab's Instagram in response to folks criticizing the company's lack of a direct response to the Israel/Palestine crisis.

 

This isn’t an official statement from the company — we have been laboring over one for a while, but it keeps slipping through our hands as fresh atrocities are unveiled like… hourly?

It turns out that connecting our business presence to every new monstrously evil act that arises in the world can take a serious personal toll, and is not always healthy or sustainable. This has become clearer over past years; in order to keep it going we are going to have to be very honest about our limitations in terms of how/when to engage.

That comes FIRST, because if we don’t protect the individuals involved in keeping this company running, we are truly lost.

 

Often we have managed to collectively stagger down a cohesive creative path or toward a particular call to action, but we are just a handful of folks who are doing our best to cope, while also keeping a business running. So far, the idea of turning this particular crisis into yet another product launch strikes me as beyond inadequate; it is personally sickening.

So I understand the confusion and dismay, since we have tried to be Right There as various tragedies have unfolded. But I reject the idea that anyone is owed a particular response to this on a particular timeline, and the suggestion that it signals some onerous change in who we are as a company strikes me as distinctly unfair.

 

We stand with oppressed people everywhere. We stand against murder, genocide, authoritarianism, and terrorism. This has always been the case. Why would there be any doubt now?

 

There is no “hard line” hard enough or a specific charitable cause that will satisfy everyone, and we are not going to wrestle through these matters with folks in public as a consequence of trying to ease our own conscience. We simply don't belong at the forefront here, and in the meantime will continue to just privately watch, learn, rally, donate, etc. along with everyone else.

 

The fact that folks would notice our relative silence and think anything other than “Boy, I sure hope those folks are okay”, and then even publicly clamor for a response, strikes me as profoundly off-putting. And the notion of us appearing to capitulate to this kind of pressure makes me feel even more protective of our need to process grief and horror in our own way, and to privately pursue the forms of activism that make the most sense to us as individuals.

 

If this response is disappointing to you, that basically underscores my point. This isn’t a game to us. We aren’t going to additionally trouble ourselves with trying to score political points in someone else’s.

 

If folks are interested in helping those who are suffering, we would be happy to provide a list of reputable organizations who are actively addressing it. But also, fortunately, the public outcry is so immense that we have been able to take a breather to just cry and fret and cry again while others push this to the forefront of everyone’s attention.

 

But additionally, (and I did not include this in the comments on IG) I would love it if people would stop pestering Elizabeth personally to make sure she is hard at work on some kind of "Stop bombing children" commemorative perfume. How do you imagine YOU would function, whether creatively or as a human, under those conditions?

 

That was a rhetorical question, I'm asking Reen to disable comments. Let's just get through the day and try to have a happy Halloween and enjoy whatever personal sense of peace we can muster. Thanks for listening.

[Failmingo]

I've had some very respectful and productive private conversations with folks as a result of this post.

 

It gave me an opportunity to point out that the reason I deleted those comments (in addition to that being an inappropriate place to have that conversation) is because I'd decided to repost my own replies somewhere with greater visibility in the community. If they want to reproduce their own comments/complaints elsewhere that's up to them, but considering the way our community tends to rally to our (especially Beth's) defense, it seemed wise to not name them or make them any further part of it. I will not weaponize our community against itself. I said what *I* said.

 

This morning on Instagram we reposted something from Amnesty International simply asking people to join the movement asking for a ceasefire. I disabled comments because... well, you know.

 

This is the kind of relatively simple signal-boosting I had been wanting to do all along, but then every time I was tempted to repost something I'd take a look at the comments under it... because that's what I would be inviting by sharing that org's material. And it would be up to me to manage it all, decide how/whether to respond, and so forth. And every single time, I chickened out.

 

Naturally, as a result of that repost today, our inbox is flooded and there have been other posts from people voicing their disappointment in us because of this specific post, tinged by the overall inadequacy of our response. Some of it is aimed specifically at me, because of how I responded the other day.

 

This was not unexpected, and I'm not sharing it for sympathy. I'm just illustrating what it's like to engage with this even a little bit. I'm not particularly worried it will affect business, but there are definitely people who followed us because of our activism and progressive ideals who are frustrated that we aren't echoing the messages THEY want to hear. I've been there before, in other fights! I understand. But this level of reactivity is different than anything I've ever seen before.

 

Not all these reactions were angry and unfair. Some are constructive DMs from well-meaning people who would like to steer us toward a better message, a better organization, more effective forms of help. But that's also not the kind of conversation I can handle with just anyone right now. Eleven different people will steer us in eleven different directions. I can't stake our outward position on what any random onlooker says, no matter how well-informed they seem, or how good their intentions may be.

 

That is not a responsible form of engagement; there would be no confidence behind it. People would sense that and point it out, and they'd be right. Nor do I consider online activity like this to be "activism." Being wise enough to say nothing is actually useful at times, as "self-centering" as that may seem.

 

And this is just one repost, from one organization, with no commentary from us added. When we share something raising funds for DWB, there will be more of the same, and I'm bracing myself for that. Every single organization, public figure, and news source has their own history, their own problematic layers to unpack. Elsewhere, Tray referred to DWB as a diplomatic choice, which I know is a compliment, but lots of people are fed up with diplomacy, and crave a stronger statement. People can tell we're playing it "safe" and that just makes them angrier than if we said nothing at all.

 

So look, I want to signal early on that we are simply not going to be taking all comers in these situations. Nor will it help much for people to dry and defend us, so there's no use in going to the mat with anyone over it in the comments or whatever as days/weeks wear on. You do not need to fight these fights over us. If someone finds our response inadequate, disappointing, or embarrassing, that is acceptable. They might be right!

 

If you want to help, share something positive, act out on your own according to your beliefs and convictions. Defending us against every criticism, no matter how unfair, won't help anything. Making enemies of other people in our community won't ease the pressure on us one bit.

 

I've been fighty online (as BPAL) in past years because the targets were broader, the issues were relatively clear, and I was educated enough to speak with conviction. At times that was definitely tinged with my personal urgency and desperation to see things change, to see ANY change, so I know how people out there are feeling. Their anguish is real, their anger is righteous.

 

But this... is different for us. And I just ask for your patience as we do our best.