Here are your NYCC 2016 Con Exclusives!

[Failmingo]

As you know, we put a lot of stock in customer reviews, so for this year’s bumper crop of New York Comic Con exclusive fragrances, it seemed fitting to revisit a handy 1870 manual guiding New York’s gentlemen (as well as tourists, one assumes) through the local bawdy houses. The text has been faithfully reproduced below, along with scent descriptions worthy of our most discriminating clientele.

Won’t you come visit our booth of ill-repute at NYCC from October 6th-9th? We will summon our most “pleasing and engaging manners” for you – although by the final day, the entire Javits Center may strike you as “a third class house of assignation.”

Enjoy our exclusive perfumes ($24), hair gloss ($28), bath oil ($25) and atmosphere spray ($23) below!

++ THE GENTLEMAN’S DIRECTORY VOLUME III: NEW YORK CITY, 1870

Nothing extenuate, Nor set down aught in malice.We don’t intend to tell the reader where the Central Park is, the Croton Aqueduct, the new Court House, Cooper Institute, or Knox the hatter, as any one can point out to him the location of these celebrated places, but we propose to acquaint him with locations and with facts, a knowledge of which he could not procure elsewhere.

We claim no credit got telling a person that Cape Horn is on the island of Terra del Fuego, or that London is on the western side of England; but when we impart information that is not generally known, even to old denizens of the city, and give him an insight into the character and doings of people whose deeds are carefully screened from public view; when we discribe their houses, and give their location, we supply the stranger with information of which he stands in need, we supply a void that otherwise must remain unfilled. Not that we imagine the reader ever desire to visit these houses. Certainly not; he is, we do not doubt, a member of the Bible Society, a bright and shining light, like Awful Gardner or John Allen.

But we point out the location of these places in order that the reader may know how to avoid them, and that he may not select one of them for his boarding house when he comes to the city. Our book will, therefore, be like a warning voice to the unwary - like a buoy attached to a sunken rock, which warns the inexperienced mariner to sheer off, lest he should be wrecked on a dangerous and unknown coast.- - -

MISS ADDIE

The next house, No. 55, is kept by Miss Addie Blashfield, the dashing brunette, who has eight or ten boarders, both blondes and brunettes. These are a pretty lot of girls, of pleasing and engaging manners. It is regarded as a first class house, very quiet and orderly and is visited by some of our first citizens.

Night-blooming wildflowers, indigo musk, black currant, and clove.

MISS ANNA

This is a first class Ladies Seminary, conducted by an accomplished and intelligent young lady, who has a class composed of seven beautiful young lady scholars who do credit to her establishment. The house is newly furnished in a magnificent style, is very quiet and orderly, and first class in every respect.

A sophisticated arrangement of graceful blooms: cherry blossoms, Florentine iris, violet absolute, and wisteria, warmed by honey, almonds, and cacao.

MISS LIZZIE

No 138 West 27th St. Mrs. Lizzie Goodrich, the dashing brunette, whose smiling face is ever ready to welcome her patrons keeps this house. Mrs. Lizzie as she is generally called, has five good-looking lady boarders whose cheerful dispositions tend to drive away the blues. There is a regular physician attached to this house, and every attention is shown to visitors. As a first class house, it is neatly and comfortably fitted up, and is very quiet and orderly.

A merry honeyed carnation dotted with dried ruby fruits.

MRS. BUNCE

The house No. 99 is presided over by Mrs. Bunce. It contains twelve lady boarders. The house is well furnished, very pleasant, and is well stocked with beautiful girls. It is the most quiet and orderly house in Mercer street, and frequented by men of taste.

Tobacco leaf, amber, sweet golden musk, blonde sandalwood, and hay sugar.

MRS. DUNBAR

Mrs. Dunbar conducts her house of assignation, at No. 44 Grove street in the best manner. The utmost decorum is observed, and every facility is furnished to those who call for passing the time in the most agreeable manner. This is a first class house.

A decorous, agreeable experience: crystalline vanilla musk, freesia, and white tea.

MRS. PALMER

The house No. 112 Spring street is kept by Mrs. Palmer. It is a low establishment and frequented only by the lagends of the community.

The dregs: muddied leather, ragged patchouli, cistus, fig, black clove, and rockrose spattered by rum and vetiver.

MRS. VALENTINE

The house at No. 157 is kept by Mrs Valentine, who has four ladies in attendance and ready to receive gentlemen into their tender arms. This is a second class house.

Lacy white vanilla, mallow flower, white sandalwood, sweet oudh, and a drop of red musk.

NO. 101

The house No. 101 is of the third class, and contains nothing worthy of attention.

A little shabby: dusty sandalwood and cold black tea.

++ BLACK PHOENIX TRADING POST: THE GENTLEMAN’S DIRECTORY VOLUME III

11 BARROW STREET HAIR GLOSS

Mrs. Driscoll, 11 Barrow street, keeps a third class house of assignation. Place mean and dirty.

Patchouli, fig leaf, flue smoke, opium tar, and tobacco absolute.

JUDGE AND JURY ATMOSPHERE SPRAY

As you pass down Houston street, faro banks abound, till we reach an unpretending red brick building No 25, kept by Frank Burns, known as the “Judge and Jury.” This is a great resort for sportsmen both of this and of the other country. Everything here is conducted in a respectable and orderly manner.

Oxblood leather, sweet cigar smoke, and fine whiskey with a swish of silken musk, bay rum, and neroli.

PAINTED AND PADDED BEAUTIES BATH OIL

The establishment at No. 97 Mercer street is a parlor house of the third class. Nothing is here to be found but painted and padded beauties.

A voluptuous torrent of peony blossoms and robust sweet orris with white sandalwood, vanilla orchid, ambrette seed, warm musk, white patchouli, and white carnation.