Various Penises Hair Gloss

[zankoku_zen]

Smoky brown vanilla husk, bourbon vanilla, dark amber, pink oud, and burnt cocoa bean.

[Kytha]

On initial application, this really isn't anything special. The oud and burnt cocoa bean come to the fore, giving it a flat, chalky/bark-smelling quality not dissimilar to unsweetened baking chocolate. Not offensive, but nothing exciting either.

 

Six hours (and a good sleep) later, this turns into ... a beautiful, mildly boozey vanilla. It's kind of what I hoped for out of La Coucher de la Marie, which is 90% smokey vanilla on me with a bit of citrus -- this is just a deeper, textured vanilla without being overwhelmingly smoke. My mind strongly associates this is a 'pink and brown' kind of smell. Not something I'd wear every day (and I don't feel the need for a full bottle) but lovely for sure.

 

EDIT: Time makes liars out of all of us, since I've decided I like this enough to get a full bottle after all, and my decant ran out. 😂 It retains the 'dusty' quality I associated with it initially, and I think that's why I keep reaching for it ... it doesn't go sickly or overpowering, which is what I want now that the days are growing warmer. This is not a scent for wearing out, but it's absolutely a scent for staying inside and huddling under a blanket...

Edited May 24, 2020 by Kytha

[doomsday_disco]

Various Penises goes on as burnt cocoa bean accompanied by that light, skin-musky bourbon vanilla, but it is later joined by the resins (the pink oudh isn't indolic whatsoever) and becomes this cocoa bean-infused incense on a bed of light vanilla.

 

This is one of the lighter hair glosses. I can smell it in my hair whenever I hold it up to my nose, but I do not get wafts of it otherwise. I tried this in wet hair and dry, and as usual, the scent is more noticeable when it is applied to dry hair.

 

If you are worried about this being too chocolate-y, don't be. While the burnt cocoa bean is a main player, it is not particularly gourmand or reminiscent of the Lab's other cocoa scents.

 

I am not sure I need a full bottle, but I will definitely be hanging on to my decant.  

Edited April 14, 2020 by doomsday_disco

[artisjok]

I was thrilled to get a little tester of this, and I’m glad I did not blind bottle...
Something about the name and the scent combo really make me queasy... yes, I can totally see this representing various penises. On top of that, I read “pink and brown smell” and got even more uncomfortable  There is something like skin musk and in combo with the vanilla and burnt cocoa (definitely not a strong chocolate scent) just... yeah. It’s too fleshy for me. At least they seem to be clean penises. 
After a little while, a chocolate-tinged vanilla note seems to win over everything else, and my initial reaction calms itself. A very light scent, in any case. 
Bahahaha

 

 

[zankoku_zen]

Dark amber, cocoa, hint of both vanilla and musk. This smells like cocoa sex hair. In that your hair has definitely come into contact with someone else's nether regions. 

[Jamesthesaint]

So I think some gave this a description of “fleshy chocolate,” and I just latched onto it. 
I freaking love it though.

This is super sexy and sensual on me, the direction I assume it’s meant to go in. The oil is definitely lighter than what I’ve tried before, my other bottle being scherezade in a pumpkin patch (also wonderful). I practically doused my wet hair in this and it was only pleasantly smooth, not super slick. The fragrance didn’t have very much throw so I had to tell my husband to just stick his face in my hair to smell it, but it did last for quite a while.  
It is difficult to fully describe the scent because I’m really stuck on fleshy chocolate. In my case, I would absolutely recommend. 

[starbrow]

All these notes sound like a foodie WIN. The one wild card was the pink oud, but into my cart it jumped anyways.

 

Interestingly, this oud does not go indolic (pooud) at all. It ends up a little bit on the "foot" side of things. Musty and funky, yes, but nowhere near the danger zone. For me, though, the foot smell (or, ahem, I guess you could interpret it as a smell more relevant to the name?) does not go well at all with the sweeter/more foodie elements. The pinkness (raspberry?) is working in concert with the vanilla and burnt cocoa to synthesize a sort of waxy box-o-chocolates vibe to me, the kind that you pick up at the drugstore in a heart shaped box. I don't really get amber or even specifically vanilla. Just fruit-flavored cheap chocolate and feet.

 

A weird one for sure. As artisjok mentioned, a little queasy in the bottle but surprisingly light and fluffy in the hair. I'm not in love, but it could be much much worse. (Damning with faint praise, but that's how oud goes!) So the question - what do Various Penises smell like? - can be answered thusly: moist skin of an intimate nature, freshly washed with chocolate raspberry LUSH. 

[paperflowers]

This reminds me of gritty chocolate hazelnut.  It's not smooth, like a candy bar, it's smoky.  And chunky?  Is chunky a smell?  This is a pass for me.

[Teamama]

Belated review. Cocoa bean & vanilla dominate, with an amber background + the tiniest hint of oud. I didn't wear it a lot in 2020, because the cocoa bean was indeed gritty. Age has smoothed out the grit & it smells more like a dutched cocoa powder than crushed burnt beans. The vanillas are leaning toward the buttery side, so I guess I have to call it a gourmand blend.